There's light out there
by HalliwellMB
Summary: Fairytales exist for some of us, laugh, love, tickles, and a happily ever after have to be real...I mean, otherwise, how people invented or actually believe in them?...There's light out there.../ Sequel of "Sincerily, Freebie".
1. Prologue

**Hello! This os one of the alternate endigs of "Sincerily, Freebie" (.net/s/6454749/1/Sincerely_Freebe) that's also the happy ending. I'm going to continue the story with this one after I finish "Locked in darkness". I have not written yet anything of this fic so any idea is bienvenue.**

**This is dedicated to Pholefan.**

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_There's light out there:_

_This is the way I decided to name the third section of my notebook, because, sometimes, we wonder "What if...?"...sometimes, we want to know what would had happened if we had taken another option...sometimes..._

_ Sometimes, life has differents plans, and deppend of us to choose...unfortunately or not, we do it blinded...it's something about luck, good or bad... fairytales exist for some of us, laugh, love, tickles, and a happily ever after have to be real...I mean, otherwise, how people invented or actually believe in them?...There's light out there._


	2. I won't forget you

**Here is the first chapter of the alternate sequel that is supposed to be happy. I hope don't dissapoint you. I know it seems that I will never finish this fic, but I promise that is the last part.**

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**Chapter one: I won't forget you.**

The guys from the revolt had gone too far, but thanks to God, the police caught them the day before today and today, all the interns packed up: we are going to be sent home again, as this institution will afford thousand of demands from the people responsible of our lives. The only detail is, that Gisselle has nowhere to go and they'll send her to another place and lock her there. Ruby can't go back to their parents, they're monsters! And Helena, she can, but there's no space for her in her family and about Cole...I know nothing.

I don't want that our story ends. I don't want him to get back to his daughter and wife. I know that it sounds selfish, that I should seek for his happiness but I love him and I need him with me. Without him...let's say that he's the first person that I have loved in my life. My truly love.

"Halliwell," said the principal, standing by the door, "Your family is waiting outside, take your bags, I'm leading you there".

I nodded immediately, but that didn't mean that I wanted to go. I don't want to, but I know that I didn't want to come here at the first time neither, I refused, but now...I don't want to go. I had never had friends before Helena, Gisselle and Ruby, ever and...for God's sake I don't want to lose them! They can be considered the worst crap in this society and what? I'm a crap for the important people too, and maybe, among crap we get along.

No, they're not crap.

I have met so, so many people in my life...but these girls, the most lonely and abandoned that I've ever seen, are the sweetest and most kind people that I've find in this Earth, they love me and take care of me as if they were my own sisters. And I, I have treated them better than them, I regret that: not appreciating my friends as sisters, but treating my real family as I didn't love them.

The girls jumped from their beds, of those that no one of us had left drowned in depression, and they stood before me. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to cry because...because that would assume that I was losing them and I didn't want to, I didn't want to go without making sure that they would be fine.

The only thin I managed to do, was hugging them.

"I swear that I won't forget about you," I say feeling all their arms around me, we're together in a big mass of melancholy, "I'm going to do something, whatever, but I won't leave you alone".

"I'll miss you Pheebs," said Gisselle and I felt her tears on my cheek, and that makes me feel worse, I'll miss them so much.

"It was a pleasure," says Ruby making me laugh when she squeezed my butt, evoking the day we met and they thought that I was lesbian.

"See you soon," said Helena with deep sadness, as unhappy as all, as depressed as me...thinking, as the whole room, that something was missing.

Someone that I knew that wasn't coming to say goodbye.

The principal coughed and we ignored her, this moment is ours, not hers. Ruby is the first one breaking the embrace, then she leans on the wall, ready to receive Gisselle in her arms; the poor girl don't stop sobbing hysterically, not wanting to look at me again. It breaks my heart seeing her like that, they...they're losing all what they know.

Isn't fair.

"He loves you," whispered Helena, being the only one still hugging me.

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips as she tried to give me strength and faith on it. I didn't know what to believe. He isn't here, he didn't come...maybe he feels as miserable as I am at this moment. I took my bag and walk to where the principal is, who turns to start walking. I hear a heavy sigh from Helena, and when I turn back for the last time, I see the supplicant face of Gisselle and the opaque eyes of Ruby watching me leaving that place only to destroy my life more than what's already.

"And I love him," I say before leaving definitely.

I won't cry.

My feelings were so strong, my head and my heart were fighting to see which hurt more. I had no idea of what I was doing with my life, to where we were going. I fought against myself to not start a scene, I didn't want to leave the girls, but, What could I do for them? I had no house, no money, no power, no anything. I only had the desire of rescue them, ones that, sadly, weren't enough in this system.

The principal and I crossed the door, and immediately, four figures stood up almost jumping and I heard their steps running to me before even reacting.

"Phoebe!", shouted my sisters when they saw me.

"I thought that I wasn't seeing you again," said Paige, over my chest.

"Thank God that you're fine," said Piper, by my right arm.

"I will never let you get away from me again," said Prue, crying over my left shoulder.

I closed my eyes and hugged them tight, that embrace was so similar to the one I had shared before with my friends...I couldn't help but cry, I had missed them so much! and the others...I would never forget them. Slowly we separated, the three of them moved to give space to my grandmother.

I looked at her.

She looked at me.

I felt her warm hands touching my face and she smiled as she looked into my eyes. She looked at me with love, deep love and with...hope? The last time I had seen her, she seemed like ten years older and really tired but now...she appeared to have rejuvenated miraculously at our contact.

"Phoebe...," was the only thing she said before hugging me sweetly, and although I was surprised, I hugged her back, crying as when I was little. I loved Grams with all my heart, as I loved my sisters...and...after all what I have lived here, I don't want to be a Cole in their lives, with this I mean that I don't want to love them and don't show it, and not tell them, because I finally learned how much it hurts.

"May I come back to your home?," I asked with a childish grimace, too nervous, afraid of her response, what if she wanted to send me to another center?

"To our home," she replied taking my hand lovingly.

I smiled, and I hugged her again, and this time all my sisters joined. I needed to vindicate with them all. It was time for growing up, and although I knew it was going to be hard, I wanted to try.

"The first thing you're going to do, is eating, bones," said Piper when she separated from me.

"Today, you cant take advantage all what you want," said Prue taing my bad, carrying it for me, "For today only".

Paige remained in silence, and as Grams as Prue and Piper understood.

"We'll wait for you in the car, don't delay," told us Grams and the three of them left the building.

"We are not...good to talk about important things but...," began to say Paige, ashamed, with almost no voice, "I'm sorry...the brought you here because of me and...almost...they could have..."

Paige's voice got lost in her sobs and I saw her trembling. She felt guilty...my little sister felt as guilty as I used to feel all the time. At home, they had been afraid for my life during this two months, with no news, worried, knowing that they had released dead bodies of people brutally murdered, raped women, and some others alive who were in risk of stop being it.

"No," I asked her a little hard and she stared at me, trying to be strong, "I won't let you feel like this, Paige. I made my own mistakes, it wasn't your fault," I told her approaching slowly, hugging her with protection, "I only hope that you had learned that..."

"Believe me, I did," she replied cutting my speech, kissing my cheek, "Don't you dare to scare me like this again, please".

"If you promise it too," I whispered, she nodded.

I separated from her and cleared her face from hair. I hadn't seen her beautiful face in a while, she had grown, she looked prettier than before. I smiled and took her hand, and both walked to the car.

"Ready?," asked Prue from the wheel, watching us sitting with Piper in the backseat.

I put my hands on the window, looking at the place where my lad had changed. I didn't want to leave, but at the same time, I wanted to go home. I looked at thought about my friends, I looked and thought about Cole...I looked but no one of them appeared on the door. I looked, but we weren't one anymore.

I looked, but he didn't come to say goodbye.

"Yes," I replied in a whisper.

Prue turned the car on and Piper and I huddle, she was talking to me happily, while I...I didn't stop watching how bit to bit, the image of the rehab center disappeared from my sight and with it, all the people that I loved. I was leaving behind months of pain, confusion, fear...of growing up, of love, friendship. I was leaving behind a whole life, a whole world that I would never going to find again. I would never see Gisselle turning into the great designer she wanted to, neither Ruby becoming a school counselor as she wanted to be, nor Helena having the family she never had and always wanted. And my dream wouldn't come true neither, because I would never have Cole looking at my eyes, saying my name or telling me that he loves me. And he...he who had lost a daughter years ago, today was losing another child, one that was growing inside of me and that was leaving that world with me.

One that I had never had the nerves to tell him that existed.

One that I would never tell him about.


	3. I want to die

**Ok kids, another chap :) I want to suggest you Pholefan's fanfictions, they rock the place, seriously. **

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**Chapter two: I want to die.**

One week I have spent back at the manor. It was one pm, I just woke up. My sisters were at the school and college, I was still at home...we're on August, it makes no sense going to school if I had already lost the year, and been expelled, so Grams preferred me to stay at home; she said that i wasn't easy overcome a trauma.

"Phoebe, sweetheart, I'm home," said the voice of my grandmother from the first floor, she just had closed the door as every day at this time since the day I came back; she comes home for cooking, serving me lunch and make sure that I wasn't killed myself yet.

I don't know why I haven't.

"Ok!," I replied to make her see that I had listened, but I didn't want to stand...it was too much effort, and useless effort.

The stairs cracked while she came up and it depressed me to know that she was coming from working really hard for us. Maybe I should learn how to cook and do something to help her, or get a job...at the end, because of me, the bills were going to increase.

"Honey, your room is so dark, that's not good for you," she said walking on the floor that was still clean, because I hadn't got up since the day I arrived, so my room wasn't a mess yet.

"My eyes...," I complained hiding my face below my pillow, remembering that I had went to sleep with a huge headache and it was still there.

"Dear, I know that you have been through a lot, but you need to get up, shower, do something," she said concerned, making me sit on the bed and taking my pillow away.

"If I shower, can I close the curtains again?," I asked annoyed, opening an eye, I'm not even in the mood for arguing.

Grams stared at me with a sad look, as everyone lately. I think that they haven't got used to a depressive and dark Phoebe, who didn't talk back, didn't argue, that slept all day, that wasn't joyful, nor sarcastic, that didn't run away at nights, or shared chit chats with black humor, that the only thing that did was exchange monosyllables and then, lock herself in her room again. I understood the strike that that meant for them; they had sent me to the center so I could turn back into the sweet girl that I used to be, and I had left that place in worse conditions that at the beginning, quieter, true, but with no signs of life or desire to live. For me it was normal, I had been feeling like that since I fell in love with a man that I knew that would never love me back, and still, I had decided to go further and now...I had lost, I had lost myself and the condemn creature that we both had created and that I didn't want to know anything about.

Nothing.

"Only this time," she said tenderly and made me sat in the bed.

"Only this time?," I snorted, why she had to decided it I wanted open or closed curtains? How much could that interfere in our lives?

"Only this time, "she replied leading me to the bathroom, taking me by my shoulders, "I'll bring you a towel, now, shower," she said opening the tap of the hot water before leaving.

I sighed. I undressed quickly, I had a master in that, and I hid in the shower; I didn't want her to see me naked, it wasn't like before when things didn't matter to me...if she discovered me, I was dead. I wasn't ready to face their reactions and it was better for me keeping the secret for a few more days...or forever if it was possible. Until I could make up my mind, and finally understand what was going through my head.

I couldn't help but touch my belly with some fear, it was scary to think that a human being was growing there, and I didn't know if it was right or not hiding it from Cole, but it was too late for regrets.

Time doesn't go back.

And...I didn't feel good. It was strange to be back at home after all what had happened there...whenever I looked back, I saw everything as a dream: fuzzy, foreign, unreal. Only now I could see with more clarity and common sense all what I have done, all what I let them do to me, all what I let others do.

I felt repulsive.

For the first time I put in a balance all what had happened in the center. I couldn't believe that I had messed with drugs, that I had begged for them, that I had tried to prostitute myself for some...neither that I had ended up with Cole, please! I would have never tried something with him here outside, although that before I was more risked and irresponsible than now or...Was I? Wasn't I more stupid locked there? Wasn't I more stupid here right now?

"Phoebe, don't delay, I'm going to set the table," said Grams coming in and interrupting my thoughts, "I know you love sushi, I brought you several kinds".

The door closed and my heart compressed in the moment, I felt in the voice of my beloved grandmother so much sadness, guilt, repentance...and I didn't deserve any of that. I had done all what a good daughter, granddaughter, sister, shouldn't; they brought me home from a center in which I got into for irresponsible and now they treated me as a war victim, bought me sushi for lunch and I wouldn't do nothing but threw it up later or tomorrow in the morning; guilty and pregnancy didn't let me keep anything in my stomach.

And Cole was't here for solving the situation.

It had been him who had saved me from drugs, it had been him who had saved me for messing with the wrong guys, it had been him who had always been there while I was there...and it had been him who hadn't dared to say goodbye when I turned my back to him. Anguish consumed me, how would be Gisselle, Helen and Ruby? Would they be together? Would I see them again?

I felt miserable. Hypocritical...a failure to my both families, for this one and for the one I left in the center. It was so different the point of view that I had about live when I was there...everything seemed so natural, everything seemed to be only because it had to and here, outside, I realize that I have options. There, being pregnant was normal, not a big thing, not even a concern...but here, everything changes. Here it is big, here it is huge.

I'm panicked.

I leaned over the cold wall of the bathroom and I let myself drop slowly, sitting on the shower bath. I wrapped my legs with my arms and only then, I noticed that I had been crying for a while and my chest hardly resisted the difficult air inflow.

"I can't do this alone...," I muttered with a spot, thinking about how much I loved and needed Cole, as the knot in my stomach tensed more and I ended digging my own nails in my shoulders, desperate, "I can't do this alone!," I groaned, not aloud, I had to bit my forearm that I was using to support my chin to avoid screaming.

I don't know that to do. I have so much fear, I'm so scared...I'm...I'm Freebie, I'm the...the person that nobody expects anything from, that worth nothing, How am I going to be able to raise a kid? The whole world distrust of me, no one things that I'd become someone...everyone pictures me high in an alley, sleeping with the first one I see, drunk most part of my day and...knocked up with some random guy.

And that's what I am.

I don't worth it. Cole doesn't worth it. This bastard that I'm carrying doesn't worth it. I am a failure. Cole is failure. This baby is a failure. We are misery, we are a disaster, we don't worth it and no one of us should be alive...I look to the future and the only thing that I have clear, is that this son or daughter of us, is going to end up like me or its father. Wishing had never been born.

Perhaps I could fulfill its desire.

I stayed in the shower, crying, feeling sorry for everything and feeling sorry for the three of us, thinking about my friends, What would they say in a moment like this?, And Cole?, And my sisters?, My Grandma? How would I dare to face them and tell them that I was pregnant with a guy ten years older, married, father already and trapped in that center for at least six years for being a junkie with no cause?

"Phoebe, dear, are you ok?," asked Grams, and I'm dying for saying _no _and crying on her arms, as when I was little...but I can't now.

It is useless.

"Yeah," I lied, turning off the water immediately.

Grams didn't ask again, she knew that I wasn't going to answer and she didn't know what to ask neither. She just left. In fifteen minutes I was at the dining room with her. It was two and fifteen minutes, she was late...her lunch time ended at two, but she was still here, for me.

I don't deserve her.

We sat to eat, and I felt the need of reward her at least a bit, so I took the putty knife and served her sushi; I know her, she doesn't know about sushi and I knew what she would like to eat, I believe that this is the first time that I take care of someone else before myself in long time.

"Thank you," she said when I finished serving her meal, and I faked an smile.

"Thank you, for everything,", I told not looking at her, not touching her, and began to eat: I didn't want to cry, hormones wasn't helping and my sensibility was in its climax, as my depression: every day deeper.

I knew that I had nothing else to say because she understood that I was apologizing too, she knew me, and I was being honest...almost completely. When we finished eating, I took all the plates to wash, something that I hadn't done in my whole life but I needed to distract. She stopped me.

"Phoebe, sweetheart, don't you think that we should talk for once?," she asked me looking into my eyes, with so much love, I didn't know how to reply.

She led me to the sofa and I followed her, as a doll with no will, with my hair still wrapped in a towel.

"I'm going for the dryer, you're going to get a cold," she said taking her way to the stairs.

"I don't want to talk," I managed to say lowly, almost not opening my mouth.

Grams stopped walking immediately. I know that that hurt her, it hurt me too, but I had nothing to say or well...I had, but nothing positive.

It didn't worth, it shouldn't be told.

I wanted to stand and hug her, but any muscle of my body moved. Grams instead, took a deep breath before sitting next to me and lay my head on her chest; it was almost three, and she was still at home.

"You know that you can trust in me, right?," she whispered. I kept my mouth closed, if I opened it, I would start crying, "I know that I'm strict, hard most part of the time...I know that sometimes I don't listen, that I judge you before time. And I'm sorry," she said taking my face in her old hands and I saw something that I always hated to see: her eyes filled with tears.

We stood in silence, I only curled my hands on her shirt and closed my eyes as a helpless little girl.

"Phoebe, I don't know what happened there, but I hope that you have enough confidence in me to tell me, if someone hurt you I...," she pursed her lips, not daring to continue her idea, but she kept talking; I know her, she's as proud as all the Halliwell, if she didn't finish now, she would never do, "I promise that if I sent you there was because I thought it was the best for you, dear, I did it because I love you but...," her voice trembled and I knew that she couldn't bear the feeling," I'm sorry if I haven't known how to do the things right for you, I don't get to understand you, I don't get to know what to do to make you wake up and every time that I think that I'm giving a step forward, I'm actually stepping two back. Phoebe, please, help me to do something for you because I don't know what else I can do, I promise".

I closed my eyes tighter and I couldn't help crying. Listening her talking like that was too hard, too horrible and...I wanted to tell her all what was happening to me but my voice didn't go out, my throat was closed, I was starting to suffocate. I couldn't breath almost, and I felt that the sushi was threatening to escape my stomach. Things were more and more confusing, and I started to shiver,...soon I recognized that I was having a panic attack.

"Phoebe?," said Grams when saw me standing up and running between wobbles to the bathroom of the first floor; I hadn't the chance to close the door but luckily, I made it to the toilet before that the bit of food that I had eaten achieved to get out of my mouth.

I felt disgust. Deep disgust and I couldn't get back to my normal body temperature. I needed to get back to the center but that wouldn't mean nothing but destruction. I wanted to stay at home, but I felt so lost in this place. I had cold, I had nausea, I was angry, I was sad, my whole body ached and...I wanted to die.

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_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**Pholefan: **Cole...I'd like to know in what is Cole right now, I miss him. I think you're going to like this more because I'm taking all the readers opinions to write it! I'm trying to take their frustration reviews and suggestions from the another version and write their desires. You rule more :B


	4. I need Cole

**OMG. I'm so stupid! I reeplaced the mistaken chapters and now this is in spanish! I'm so sorry I deleted the original chapter (in english) So I'll have to translate it and upload it again :/ back to normal. I'm sorry again, because I've to leave to a place with no internet and I'm not sure if if I'll be able to translate and post today (my last day here). Oh, please wait for me :( I'm so ashamed, I'll do my best and try to fix it now.**

**PS: I'm going to reeplace the chap again, isn't ready yet, but at least a few paragraphs.**

**PS2: Chapter re-updated. All translated. I'm still sorry and ashamed.**

**Sincerily, HalliwellMB.**

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**Chapter three: I need Cole.**

My mouth tasted bitter. I had vomited minutes ago and, I don't really know what because I hadn't eaten since the sushi. I was lying on my bed in fetal position, crying.

I need Cole.

Now.

I missed him so much, as I had never missed anyone, Where is he? Why isn't he here?, Why aren't we together?, Why is he so far away from me? I...I need him, because I love him.

"Come for me, please," I muttered sniffling.

I stood up and opened the door of my room, it was almost six am and my family would wake up soon, within fifteen minutes. But I didn't care. I crossed the corridor, went down stairs, up to the attic, only to find that Cole wasn't here: there, all ways led me to him, here, any does. I pursed my lips and ran back to my room, closing the door and leaning over, with my eyes closed. I needed his lips over mine, his skin, I need his smell...how much I missed his smell and I had to recognize that I wasn't that strong, that the feeling was stronger than my attempts of ignoring him.

"Cole," I whispered pulling a shirt from my closet, one I had hidden the first day I came here, his shirt. His favorite old bluish shirt. I lay with it over my face. It smelled like weed, but I could recognize his smell aroma anyway, "Will you come for my rescue again?," I asked him while my tears made the shirt a little wet, and made me curl in a ball again, this time, embracing a part of Cole. It was weird, because I had already a part of him inside of me but I didn't like it...I couldn't say that I hated it but I didn't like it at all.

I closed my eyes and saw him next to me. He was hugging me, loving me, and I loved him too. Nothing could make us apart, there were no limits for us...that's what I dreamed.

Later, I woke up and tried to find him next to me, when I realized that he was never here, that it had been a dream. I felt impotence, Why? the bed was so empty, and cold, and my room so lonely.

My heart so broken.

It was seven am, my sisters were getting ready for their lives, I could heard them. I thought about him, I had tried to not but my forces fell down and he was the only and main thing in my head.

I wonder if I am his.

I wish I am.

I was crying again, I hate crying so much but I feel so hopeless...What would be he doing now? Reading love stories? I know he likes them but he hid them. He always hid them from me, from everyone, he was so sweet...he made me smile. I wonder if he had worked out lately, those muscles aren't there for art of magic. I would like to know if he keeps in touch with Helena, or if he had stopped talking to her as he had stopped talking to me...I believe that he does, because I was always different for him, not like the rest.

The door of my room opened and I didn't look up to see who it was.

"Why are you crying?," asked me Prue sitting next to me, her voice was trembling.

I said nothing and hid my face under a pillow, as always, and as always, she took it away. She made my head rest over her lap and hugged me, I let her. She whispered a lullaby to me, the same that she used to sing when I was little and missed mom, and I calmed down, pretending that I was asleep. I didn't want any questions, I didn't want to be alive anymore.

When she thought that I was sleeping, she started talking.

"Why won't you tell us what's happening with you?," she asked caressing y hair, and I couldn't recognize if she was crying or not, "It breaks my heart see you like this. I know that I'm always hard with you but I don't know if I prefer you like the idiot you were or the girl you're now. Please, Phoebe, react...I need you to be okay, but if you don't tell us what's going on...I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you because I love you".

That made me feel the need of opening my eyes and yell at big _What?; _Prue can't say I love you. She hadn't said I love you since mom's death and now, she told it to me. To me. This is important, I'm speechless. I don't know what to do, Is this hard to see me in these conditions?

It must to be time for her to leave because she began to move and tried to leave my head over the pillow, finding Cole's shirt below. I complained a bit, making her believe that that movement had woke me up.

"Whose is this?," she asked taking it with a serious face. It was obvious that it wasn't mine, it was way too big.

"Todd's," I lied quickly, I'm a good lier when I'm in troubles and I don't want them to find out, but a really bad lier when others are in troubles or I have to keep a secret.

Prue arched her eyebrow and her sweet concerned face changed to an annoyed expression.

"What?," she asked throwing my shirt to the floor, and I couldn't help but yell at her.

"Don't do that!," I complained jumping from my bed to the floor to pick it up, as if it was a treasure, and it was, "You have no right of touching my stuff!, Who you believe you are?"

Prue stared at me surprised. I wasacting exactly like before, I had no idea of where I had taken so much energy but I promised that I was going to kick her sorry ass to death if she dared to try to hurt my shirt again.

I can't believe that I'm actually thinking about protecting a piece of nothing from being hurt by Prue.

"I believe that I'm your big sister and you owe me respect, don't you ever speak to me in that tone again," she warned me, pissed off, "How can you keep this? Were you crying over that jerk?"

"Yes and what!," I yelled with both of my hands over my hips, looking at her with all the rage of the world.

"Don't you have a bit of auto respect?," she asked me rubbing her face, almost desperate, "He cheated on you, no, correction: he cheated on the girlfriend that you knew he had, that everyone knew he had and anyway you slept with him whenever and wherever you could!," she yelled trying to take my shirt again but I backed off, "Listen. I know that you've strong feelings for him but he betrayed you. They expelled you, the whole school is talking about you and your nickname is _Freebie. _You let them do that, you let him play with your heart, and you're crying for him? Why?, How?"

I looked at the floor. She was right about that. I had never learned, because I did the same at the center. I would do it again, forever. I didn't know what to say, I didn't feel anything for Todd, except need. I needed him because I didn't want to be alone, because I tried to feel alive...but it never worked, until I met Cole and now, he was gone. What could I tell Prue? She was worried. I hated that.

"I thought that you've learned," she said sitting next to me, softening her tone, "You know that he's not a good person, not good for you. I know that's hard, but you need to let him go".

I knew that she was talking about one thing and I was thinking about another, but I also knew that if was better making her believe that I had forgotten about Todd so she would leave me alone a few days, the others too. I nodded.

"You're right. We are through and we will never get back together, we can't," I lied and she took the shirt.

"Let's throw this to the trash, and you'll say goodbye to him forever," she suggested me, taking my hand and leading me to the first floor.

"Where are you going?," asked Grams when she saw us walking to the door. Paige peeked, she wanted to know too.

"Trash to throw," replied Prue smiling, giving them confidence. I didn't look to anyone and just opened the door, with the shirt that I'd get back as soon as Prue left in my hand.

"Don't you want to take out the kitchen's trash too?," asked Piper, who was washing the dishes and had heard us.

"Sure," I said quickly, "I'll put this there, with all the crap," I told to Prue.

"Phoebe...," warned me Grams.

"Sorry," I apologized entering the kitchen and pretending that I was leaving the shirt in the bag, but I hid it in my jacket.

"Come and kiss me," ordered Piper when she saw me, with a sweet smile.

I did what she asked for, and for some reason, she was so alike mom and I needed mom...and well, I also missed Piper. Her skin was so soft and warm, I wish that I was a little more like her and a lot less than me.

"I love you," she told me and I gave her a bad attempt of smile before leaving the kitchen and the manor, with Prue walking behind.

"Do it, you'll fee the freedom," she reminded me and I took the chance to hit the trashcan with the bag, then I realized that hitting too hard would rip the bag and I didn't want that Prue noticed that the shirt wasn't there.

"Done," I said putting my hands in my pockets, walking back home.

"I'm proud of you," she told me hugging me from my back, placing her hands over my belly and her lips on my cheek.

I felt a chill.

"If you want to cry it's ok, but this has to be the last time," she said, confusing my chill with a sob.

Later, I was alone at home and the pages of my diary were plagued with Cole's name and hearts around. I feel corny, stupid, lame, but, What else could I do?

I smelled the famous shirt again and used it to cover my torso, spreading it over my warm belly. I still feel the hands of Prue, and I think about the meaning of having a part of Cole with me...I'm still insecure, scared, not ready to raise it, but I also feel that he needs to know what's happening and that if I love him, I need to give him a shot: I can't make father and child apart.

I'll go to the center tomorrow, isn't a question.

I will go when my family leaves the house, so they won't notice that I went out. I need to do it as soon as possible, because he needs to know...Who am I fooling? I'm not going to it for the baby, I'll go because if I don't he will never forgive me and I couldn't live in a world in where Cole hated me.

I don't care about the baby.

I only care about Cole.

* * *

**Oh, this girl doesn't grow up, is still the same spoiled teenager, or is only my perception?**

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**Phole: **You're so sweet for translating the chatper and reading it! but you should have told me it aws in spanish! lol oh yeah, Phoebe misses Cole...and is sneaking to the center but...will she find him?


	5. The center

**Hi kids! new chapters and a welcome fic party to Jenn0509 and RodeKnop !**

**I'm really sorry for what happened with the Spanish, I promise it will never going to happen again. Pinky promise! **

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**Chapter four: The center.**

Six in the morning. Cleaning my face and mouth after throwing up the peanut butter ice cream with strawberry oreos and pineapple juice I ate and drank yesterday at dinner time as dessert, after eating the chicken sandwich with onions, pickles and mustard. The cravings where so freaking annoying and strong, I couldn't help it, and I knew that I was throwing up the next day -or the same day- with or without eating, so I did it. I guess that my kid is trying to call my attention, since I'm ignoring its existence...isn't that I don't care about it is just...I'm scared, all what I love disappears and leaves me before I notice and being able of doing anything about it.

"Calm down, please," I said touching my belly and I felt weird because it was the first time that I talked to it. I smiled a bit, kind of excited, maybe the idea was starting to like me, "If we want to see daddy today, I will need to be okay, will you help me in our most important mission?," I asked it, but it didn't reply. It didn't know how yet.

I heard some steps, Grams was awake and I didn't want her to see me here so I walked back to my room and closed the door. I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my body: it had a little, little change. But I was the only one that noticed it.

"How longer are you going to stay this little?," I asked it, taking a pillow from my bed and placing it underneath my clothes, pretending that I had more months. I held it with my hands, sitting on my bed to see how I'd look in the next months, and it's strange...I had never imagined me pregnant.

Ever.

I had imagined myself with a husband, a nice house and two or three kids around, but not pregnant. Not so young. Not without a father, not without a house.

"We're going to become a family," I told it, taking off the pillow and caressing my tummy, "We have to, I don't want you to wonder your whole life why your father isn't here, how is he, and mostly...if he loves you or not. Why does he hate you," I said talking to my father, to wherever he was, closing my eyes with no tears in them: I'm tired of crying over dad, over the man I got to know but I can't remember about.

I wish I could remember.

I wish I hadn't too.

I wish my dad was here, with me right now.

I wish that he was with me, my sisters and mom.

"This is not going to happen to you," I told it again, curling in my bed, sighing.

The door of my room opened slowly, letting me see my grandma with a cup in her hand.

"Throwing up again?," she asked me, sitting in the edge of my bed, "I brought you this. I told you that you shouldn't have eaten all the junk food you ate yesterday if you had vomited the sushi," she scolded me.

"I'm sorry," I replied, taking the cup in my hands,"Mint?"

"With boldo," she said watching me taking a sip.

"Thank you," I told her and she made me lay on my bed.

"I'll bring you some toasts and more tea, only soft diet for you until your stomach gets better, ok?," she warned me with a serious face.

"Ok," I replied with a pot, and she giggled before kissing my head.

"I'll check on your sisters," said before leaving the room, and I felt the urge of taking her hand and ask her not to leave me, but I didn't.

I fell asleep again, really tired, when I felt my gram's hand caressing mine lovingly. I opened an eye, then the other.

"I didn't want to wake you up, here is your breakfast, eat slowly please. I'll be back at lunch time".

"Thank you," I said lazily and sat to put the tray on my lap. I'm hungry.

"Have a nice day dear, blessed be," she said standing up and leaving my room, while Prue was yelling to Paige that if she wasn't ready in three more minutes she'd live without her.

I felt at home, for a minute. I felt comfortable. I felt good, listening to Piper trying to avoid a fight and grams asking them to don't forget their lunch and some money in case that anything happened, hoping that anything happened.

I felt in peace, one that would break as soon as my truth came out to the light.

I heard the sound of the motor of the car and they're gone. I sighed again and started eating my lousy food; I'm going to be hungry again really soon.  
After eating, I got up, showered and dressed, ready to get back to hell and tell Cole the big news. I wonder how is he going to react, I know that his worst pain is having left her daughter or losing her I don't know, but...does that mean that he is going to accept this child? Will I have to chose between him and it?

"Come on Phoebe, you're talking about Cole, not about a monster," I scolded myself, going downstairs before taking some crackers and water in case of dizziness, ready.

After some time in the bus that led me to the center, I was there. Dying of nervousness. What if he isn't here anymore? What if they aren't here anymore? I can't not see people or cars outside, what if the center is already closed, forever?

"He is here, don't worry," I said to my unborn child and then, gave a step further, and with a foot already in the center I could see that there was still a secretary in the counter of the hall.

"Good morning," she said, recognizing me maybe, or maybe not, how many people have been here in all these years?

"Good morning," I repeat, playing with my fingers, kind of shy.

"You came in a visit or what?," she asked me, trying to sound nice.

"Eh yes...I came to...to see...Helena López, Gisselle Mönckeberg and Ruby Jhonson, if...if is it possible," I said almost babbling, why didn't I say Cole? Because if they were going to tell me that he wasn't here anymore, I wanted to hear it from them, not from strangers.

"Let me go for them, please, wait at here" said the woman after checking on a list the three names, leading me to the room in where I used to meet with my family, and I felt that maybe, not all was lost.

I waited sitting on a chair, remembering the day I came here for the first time, and the day I left. It's hard to believe how much I hated the idea at the beginning, and how much I missed it right now. I wish that this place was a safe, nice, good place to be so I could stay here forever with my child and its father...I wish I was a different person, a better person.

A good person.

"Phoebe!," I heard in a really high voice that even made me jump from where I was, and before I could notice, Gisselle was around my neck, sitting on my lap and saying a lot of things I couldn't understand very well.

"Selle," I managed to say, hugging her tight as I felt that Ruby was pulling her off, as Helena asked her to calm down.

"You came back," she said, not paying attention to the other two, with her eyes filled with tears of happiness.

"Of course she did, she promised it," said Helena with a sweet smile, and I smiled back to her.

"I promised it," I repeated and hugged the three of them, "I missed you so much, so much".

"We missed you too pretty woman," said Ruby when the embrace was over.

"So, how have you been?," I asked, while the others took a seat.

"I'm leaving when they leave," said Helena with a very sad face, "I don't want to leave them alone, until...well, I prefer to be the last one, you know..."

I nodded and the room remained in silence. Awkward silence. Sad, devastating silence.

"And...what about...what about you?," I asked this time, to Ruby or Gisselle, I didn't know who.

"I'll be sent to another center this Friday," muttered Gisselle, "Ruby...she will leave tomorrow, her parents are goi..."

"They are not my parents, don't be an idiot," argued Ruby with sadness and rage in her eyes at thinking about that, her dead eyes.

"What about you?," asked Helena, trying to avoid that horrible moment, where we all wanted to do something for each other but no one knew what or how.

"I'm fine...things are, good...," I replied, coughing a bit.

"Cole is still here," she said, and I looked at the floor, ashamed.

"Really?," I said after a while, as they looked at me with concern, "That...that is good because...I...I need to, talk to him," I told them placing my hand over my belly, biting my lip and nodding slowly.

Gisselle smiled big, Ruby let her jaw drop and Helena shock her head like disappointed, but for some reason, it was so much easier talking to them than talking to my family about this topic.

"Let me go for him, this is important," said Helena standing up and leaving the room sighing and saying something I couldn't hear.

I felt that my heart started to beat so fast and got a little dizzy. She was going for him, he would be here soon, and I would have to tell him and...my life would be over or...or over. Both ways would be over. Buried.

"What are you going to do?," asked me Ruby, talking about the baby.

"Wait, give birth, raise baby...," I replied, not so confident about it.

Wait. Give birth. Raise baby. How scary! Me? Freebie? Irresponsible, stupid, hormonal, sneaky, loser, lier, easy, lousy student, horrible daughter, worse sister...would I be able to do all that, not harming anybody in the way? Not hurting or killing my own kid in my attempt?

Yes.

Yes I will! I won't be alone, I will be with Cole and my family and...and things will go well. This kid is going to be the happiest kid ever, and maybe we could give it a sister or brother later...we will have a big house, yes we will. We will be happy, together, the three, four, five, ten of us! I know. I know Cole, I know me...we will make it. I'm sure.

"You'll leave again right?," asked me Gisselle, taking me out of my thoughts.

"She has to," tried to say Ruby, but Gisselle was really mad and sad, she just stood up and walked to a wall, arms crossed, refusing to look at me again.

"It have been though time for her...for...," attempted to say Ruby, but I put a hand over her shoulder.

"For us".

Ruby nodded and I saw tears in her eyes, for the first time since I know her.

"Yes, for us," she repeated and sobbed hard, and I hugged her so tight.

I heard some sobs from Gisselle too and I felt so miserable...I was crying for Cole and for this pregnancy but...but it wasn't as bad as their fate: they were losing everything. Even themselves.

We waited for long time, Gisselle pissed, Ruby crying in silence, and I...thinking about nothing. Helena was taking a really long time for coming back, the clock was going very slow...and eventually, after half of an hour, she was at the door.

"I'm sorry," said Helena, kneeling in front of me, taking my hands in hers, "He's not coming, Pheebs".

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**Ouch. **

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**Pholefan: **Hehehe, I'm ready to feel your hate.

**Jenn0509: **Hi there! thanks for taking the time for reading this :) means a lot for me. Thank you for replying and reviewing!

**RodeKnop: **Hello! I'm glad you were happy and so glad that I didn't lose you or any reader for that stupid mistake :( Oh, happy now with the friends? :D hey, "this version" does that mean that you read the another ? :O


	6. Shovel and broom

**Chapter five: Shovel and broom.**

After a while I stopped crying my heart out, well, after like an hour or two, but my friends stood here with me the whole time.

_"He's not coming"._

Helena had killed me with that, she had killed the Phoebe that was in love with Cole and had been betrayed for him. She had killed the Phoebe that lived in this center only focused in him, only worrying about him, only living because of him.

No, she wasn't dead yet.

She was dying slowly.

Every single part of her heart was being ripped off, every single space in her mind tortured and her back stabbed without stop.

I had asked Helena why, she didn't know what to say. I didn't insist, I'm sure that he didn't tell her his reasons...no, he didn't. He wouldn't, I know him so well to know that he was serious, that everything was lost and that from now to the end, it was only me.

And our child.

_My_ child from this moment.

"How are you feeling?," asked me Gisselle when she saw me releasing myself from Helena's embrace.

"It doesn't matter," I replied wiping my tears instinctively, but they weren't there: were dried already. I don't feel it real right now, I only get the concept, I don't understand the fact and it's possible that I don't get to understand it until the belly starts to show and I get to see that I'm not dreaming and that things had changed.

That a new life is being created and he will never be part of it.

"What are you going to do now?," asked Ruby, trying to help.

I looked at Helena who was in silence, feeling ashamed for Cole's attitude and too afraid of my reaction. She had seen me hurting myself doing drugs, and doing all the crazy things I did here...she's afraid of what I'd get to do after this.

"I have nothing worth to fight for here," I replied holding my head high, "All what I have is my family now. I need to get them back and I need to make a life, a home for this baby. By my own...I won't have his help, I won't say that I don't need it because I really do," I said as my voice began to shake in its way from my throat to my lips, "But I need to move on. I knew that this would happen and..."

"You won't fight?," asked me Ruby, almost pissed, interrupting my speech.

I stared at her, she was angry.

"You won't fight for giving your child the place it deserves in its father's life? Weren't you the one that used to say that all kid deserved a life with their parents, not a life as yours, as mine, as ours?," she complained.

Gisselle was a little surprised at her attitude, also Helena and myself. We had never expected seen Ruby talking about something so important and so serious about it, and I hate that she's judging me, she has no idea for what I'm going through! She doesn't know anything and she believes that she can yell at me and tell me those kind of things. I'm not the one rejecting her own blood, I don't deserve this.

"Don't you understand that I'm totally freaked out?," I asked her with tears again, "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing but I'm trying to do the best for everyone. I don't want to tie him, I can't make him take the responsibility if he doesn't want to and yes, I used to say that and I promise that I want him to be with us right now but things aren't like in the movies, Ruby. If he doesn't want us, I can't make him do it. If things were like we used to dream, we wouldn't be here, we wouldn't have met each other because we would have been at home with our parents being loved and being happy and that's not happening and will never happen in this life!," I said showing the frustration that the whole situation made me feel, not thinking, just yelling.

Screwing all as always.

"That's not true. It can happen," said Gisselle with here eyes filled with tears trying to hold her hopes, sitting on the floor, hugging herself rocking back and forth.

"Thank you," said Ruby with hatred in her voice, going to pick Gisselle up, but she didn't let her.

I feelt horrible for doing that. I knew how sensitive Gisselle was, how much she liked to dream trying to avoid her sad reality. I hurt her feelings, I hurt her and I hurt the others...like scrubbing the falsity of their sweet innocence in their faces.

"Phoebe, I believe that...our story, of the five or six of us," started to say Helena, counting my baby, "Is over. We don't have anything in common, and...we will never be able to have the life we want, you're right...we need to move on, and try to make the best for ourselves. I will miss you, but you were the first one in leaving, I'll do it eventually, the girls too...this is over," she said looking at her feet.

I nodded and wanted to go and hug her, but I couldn't do it. I only wanted to die, but I couldn't be so selfish and I had to stay strong for my baby. But I'm not strong.

I'm nothing without Cole.

I turned back and crossed the door, I don't know in what I was thinking when I decided to come here.

I only got delusion.

I got delusion because I was dreaming with them as sisters, with him as husband and best friend forever, with all of us as family. Because I wanted to see them well and happy, because I wanted to see me around their happiness and my happiness too. Because I wanted to wake up every single morning with Cole by my side until my last day of life...because...because I wanted to save them.

Yes. I wanted to save them and I was only turning my back to them, as he turned his back to us.

"We're Halliwell, we don't do that," I told to my little one.

I got back to the room and I saw the girls crossing the door to get back to their room.

"Don't go, please," I told them without a plan in my head, or well, a plan developing but it wasn't clear.

"Phoebe, go home," asked me Helena with a sad look.

"I can't go home, this isn't over yet", I insisted, trying to build the stupid idea soon, or I'd lose my opportunity: I wasn't going to lose them too, one person was enough.

"Phoebe, look at you. Look at us. Try to find him around...," tried to say Helena in her attempt of showing me that things had no reason to be, and I although I knew it, I was acting after what my heart was telling me to do.

"No. This is not over because they say that is over, this is going to be over when we decided that is over. I don't want it to be over yet. I don't know about you but...I don't want to say goodbye to you".

The girls stared at my honesty, and Gisselle looked at me a little resented after what I have said. I don't know if they're going to trust me or not, if they're going to forgive me after all what I said, mostly the way I said it. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know if this was a test and Cole is going to appear now with a box of chocolates and some flowers; the only thing I know, is that I can't fight the battles that I've lost already like my relationship with Cole, but I can fight the battle for my friends because they're still here.

"Me neither," said Gisselle, walking and standing in front of me.

"Me neither," said Ruby, who followed her steps and held her hand.

We waited, not knowing what to do now. Helena was still away from us and I had no a plan at the moment, I wasn't doing anything else than creating illusions that I didn't know how to make come true.

"What's your plan, Halliwell?," asked our friend after a while with a mischievous smile.

"Don't ask," I replied opening the door to leave, with a crazy, the craziest idea ever, "Just do what I do, as fast as you can. There's no time for regretting anything, so if you need something special for your room, go and get it now. Bring one, only one backpack".

The girls nodded and left me there. I sat and decided to not think about the plan or I'd give up to it because it was really stupid and...like planned for a three years old so I better tried to think about another thing, but the only thing in my mind was Cole...he was a few hallways from me and I was wondering why he had said no. My eyes filled with tears again, why did he reject us? Why? What did I do? Did I offended him? Did I hurt him? What's the difference between me and our kid, and his wife and daughter?

That's the difference: wife and daughter. I'm just the lover, I was the lover and we're not part of his real world. What a fool I was. Anyway, I don't regret having meet him or my baby, I don't and I will never do. My life has a point of inflection that sets an before and after: Cole.

"Done," sayid Ruby handing me the bag with the others behind her steps, but I didn't reply thinking about him.

"Are you okay?," asked me Gisselle, moving her hand in front of my eyes.

"Eh, yes...yes," I said shaking my head a bit.

"If we survive, we'll need to talk," warned me Helena.

"Ready?," I asked them, ignoring her words.

"For what?," she asked.

I stood up and reached the door, waking up to reality and paying attention at what was important now.

"At the count of three," I warned them leaving the room and their puzzled faces.

I walked to the hall and opened exit door, holding it as I started to mutter to myself.

"One, two...," then, I closed my eyes and said it aloud, "Three, run, now!"

The secretary looked at me confused and then, my friends ran to me. My heart began to beat fast, as fast as their feet trying to reach me and the way that the woman's hands moved to dial the number of the security staff or something.

"Hurry up!," I insisted taking Gisselle's hand, the first one arriving at the door to help her to run faster, doing the same with the others before closing the door behind us.

"What the hell?," tried to say Ruby, as they followed me running down street.

"Run!," I repeated laughing, feeling the adrenaline going through my veins and body, "Don't stop running!"

"Phoebe!," complained Helena, but I could hear Gisselle laughing as hard as mine own laughter.

I ran fast, every second faster, trying to feel high doing that; I couldn't do drugs and I really needed them, so using my imagination and trying to leave the neighborhood before that the people from the center got to catch us were my heroin.

I saw a taxi and stopped it in the middle of the street.

"Hurry up," I ordered to the girls as I opened the copilot door and sat, "Sir, to Prescott 1923 as fast as you can, our mother is waiting for us and a delay would mean no money for paying this ride".

The girls didn't ask anything, trying to act natural and a little shocked at being out of the center after so many years locked inside. They all were excited looking through the window, as I smiled to their childish faces at any new thing they got to see. As soon as he stopped at the manor, I asked the guy to wait for me.

"Girls, go inside now, to the second floor and go to the first room in the right and take my wallet, is over the desk. Only one of you can leave the house. Don't delay".

The girls still confused and scared, did what I said and soon Gisselle appearead with the money.

"Go back, now," I told her before paying, I didn't want the neighbors to see them and then ask grams who were they and get in trouble, "Thanks sir," I added.

I walked back to the house and went upstairs and then to my room, where my friends were waiting for me sitting in my bed arms crossed.

"What are we doing here?," asked Helena.

"Wasting time," I replied, checking the phases of my plan in my head again. I can't believe that I'm doing this, "Let's go upstairs".

"Why?," asked Ruby, as nervous as the others.

"Because there is the attic that no one uses or visits until Christmas," I explained them doing my way to the hall, making them follow me.

"What's in your mind?," asked Gisselle, taking the stairs railings.

"Easy," I said as we walked, "We go up stairs, clean some stuff, find the sleeper sofa and inflatable matress we have there and make a place to live".

The girls still confused stopped walking and I took the opportunity to open the door of the attic, feeling all the dust in my hands as soon as I did so. The door made a lot of cracks, making me think that I was going to need to put some oil in the hinges if I wanted this mission to work out and my family to not find out.

"Welcome home girls," I said giving a step in, turning on the lights, "This is going to be your new room. No one is going to make us apart. No one is going to take you away," I insisted, feeling some inner peace and happiness after all the tears I had dropped before, "This is going to be home".

My friends looked at me with faces of disbelief and I went straight to the cabinet of cleaning utensils to take a broom and a shovel.

"You're nuts," said Helena, before sneezing.

"Maybe," I said, handing her a glass cleaner, "Stay away from the dust," I added, "Or try, this place is all dust but after our cleaning it will be habitable".

"You're not serious," said Ruby, holding the broom in her hands.

"I hate cleaning too, but we have to," I said, kneeling to get some rags.

"We're not talking about that," said Helena, taking my hand and making me look at her eyes, "Phoebe, this is not right".

Ruby looked at the floor, somewhat shy and Gisselle didn't know where to stand. I released my hand from Helena's and placed it over her shoulder.

"I won't leave you alone in this. I said that I was going to find a way to help you and I already did. Leaving you separated, alone, scared and abandoned wasn't right neither," I told her with a soft tone of voice, smiling a bit.

"Your grandmo...," tried to say Gisselle.

"She won't know".

"She'll find out eventually," discussed Ruby.

"Let's wish for that day to not come in a while," I replied, kneeling again to take some trash bags.

"Phoebe this is really stupid," insisted Helena, kind of upset, but more nervous than angry.

"If you want to go back to your parents, to the streets and to the center, go ahead," I replied not looking at them; I knew that was a very dirty trick, but I was right in that at least.

I believe that the girls stared at each other and whispered, I wasn't looking at them so I didn't see their reactions.

"Let's start cleaning," said Helena, and I knew that that sentence was the last one about the topic.

* * *

**Crazy. This is CRAZY. I can't believe that I wrote that! but well, I said, "Think like Phoebe" and bam! Done. **

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**Pholefan: **I don't know :/ well I do, I'm the writer but since this is Pheeb's Point of view you'll have to wait. Not a lot tho, I'm not that evil ejejeje.


	7. Post traumatic stress

**Chapter six: Post traumatic stress.**

"That was the last one," I said back in the attic, talking about the garbage bags.

"I'm so tired," yawned Gisselle, lying on the sofa that was now her bed.

"But it worth it," replied Helena, smiling big, "This place is a palace".

I sat on the inflatable mattress and smiled too: she was right. The windows shined, you could eat on the floor and there were no signals of dust or spider's webs. The three attempts of bed left a lot of space in the room, and we had found some old games so they could use them if they were bored.

"Thanks," said Ruby, resting her head in my shoulder.

"I love you girls," I replied as Helena sat next to me.

"Does your family know about...," she asked, biting her lips.

I shook my head immediately and sighed rubbing my eyes with one of my hands.

"No...I have no idea how to tell them and...I was, I thought that...Cole and I should have to...well... together, you know?," I said playing with the bracelet of my wrist.

"I'm sorry," muttered Ruby.

"Me too," I replied, not smiling, not crying.

"Hey, don't be so sad," said Gisselle, getting up from the bed, "At least he knows and you never know if he regrets his decision".

"He will not," I replied, standing and walking to the window, sitting on a box, "He knew it already, right, Helena?"

"Yes," she whispered.

I let some tears fall down my cheeks and wiped them with my sleeve, I didn't want them to see me crying, although that thought was stupid: they had seen me doing everything. I had no secrets from them.

"I don't want to give you any hopes, Phoebe," said Helena, who was suddenly embracing me from my back, "But I think that he only needs time..."

"I really hope so," I replied pursing my lips starting to sob, hiding my face in her neck.

Gisselle and Ruby joined the embrace and I couldn't stop crying, again. I was so scared and I missed him so much...a life without him wasn't life at all.

"I didn't want to...fall in love...," I managed to say, as I could felt some of their tears over my face too.

"Why not? Love is so beautiful," said Gisselle trying to cheer me up.

"Why does this hurt so much?," I asked back, "Why can't we be together now? Why he doesn't love me as much as I love him?"

I had my eyes closed, thinking about our times together but I couldn't find so many happy memories...not bad memories neither just...neutral. I knew that Cole would have been a great father to his child, but maybe it was better this way: grams would never accept him, Prue...she would kill him with her own hands. I knew it.

"What time is it?," I asked lowly.

"12.45," said Ruby.

"Grams is going to be here within fifteen minutes," I said standing again, addressing the door, "I'll go to my room and try to calm down, then we will have lunch and she'll leave at two. I'll come for you so you can eat, take a shower and all that," I didn't wait for a response and just left the attic, going straight to my room.

In those fifteen minutes I fell asleep, I was really tired after so much action in the morning and the cleaning, and I was waking up so early because of the morning sickness and sleeping too late for crying over the love I had lost.

I suppose that now I'm going to cry a lot more.

"Sleeping, darling?," asked grams opening the door of my room.

"Not really..., just, resting," I said.

"Let's go eat, noodles are ready".

"I'm not really hungry grams...," I replied.

"How are you feeling?," She asked me sitting in the edge of the bed.

"My tummy hurts...my throat too," I lied making a pot.

"I like when you're this sweet...," she smiled caressing my cheek.

I smiled weakly and lay again under the sheets.

"I better go now, if you're hungry, the food is in the kitchen".

"And what about you?," I asked, opening one of my eyes.

"I'll have a sandwich, I have a lot of paperwork to do and I have no time to lose," she replied kissing my forehead, "Sleep tight, blessed be".

As soon as grams went down stairs I began to cry again. She had no time to eat, she had no time for herself but she anyway came home for me. Why? Why was she so nice and sweet? Why to me? I was a waste of time of everything of effort and she...and she was still here for me, why was I so afraid of telling her the truth then?

Because I didn't want to disappoint her again.

But it was too late.

I got up, I had no time to lose neither: Piper would be at home in three more hours and I had the girls waiting for me. As soon as I heard the sound of the car leaving Prescott, I went up stairs and opened the door of the attic.

"It's me," I told them after seeing them jump and almost stop breathing.

"The hell Phoebe!," complained Ruby, scared.

"Get used or die," I replied bitterly, "Now please, follow me. Piper will be here soon".

"She left so soon," said Gisselle.

"We hadn't lunch," I replied leaving the attic as they followed me like puppies.

"No?," asked Helena, "Hey that's not right you need to eat".

"I'm not hungry," I said turning the corner of the wall in the second floor.

"That's not the point," said Ruby.

"Will you sit down and shut up?," I yelled with my hands shaking, feeling really dizzy.

"Hey, hey, easy," said Gisselle taking a chair as Helena and Ruby helped me to sit down.

"Breath," muttered Helena.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The room was spinning, and spinning, and spinning...and spinning.

"I'm fine, go for the noddles or they will get cold," I told them holding in the table, otherwise I'd fall down.

I heard their steps, some plates and glasses, the sound of a lot of things moving and being placed on the table.

"Are you better?," asked me Ruby.

"Yeah, if you want to eat something else, the fridge is all yours," I told them still dizzy, but a lot less.

"Here is your plate," said Helena and I opened my eyes to see her leaving it in front of me.

"I said I don't want to," I growled, closing my eyes again.

"You're pregnant, you have to," said Gisselle, I recognized nervousness in her voice.

"I know," I replied, "But I don't want to eat".

"Pheebs you..."

"I said no!," I yelled opening my eyes with rage to all of them, I didn't know who had been the last one, "I can't...," I sobbed, "I can't with this knot in my stomach. I can't because I don't understand why is he doing this. Why is this over. I don't...he...he was with me all the time he...he saved me and...and now he...he left me".

"I know how you feel Phoebe," said Helena, kneeling and taking my hand, "I felt the same way when my father chose his new family over me. I still feel like that some times...and I know how much it hurts baby, when you're alone and scared when...when the person you love the most doesn't want to see you again, turns his back to you...but, if you don't learn how to deal with it, if you don't move forward, you'll do the same to this little one," she said, putting her hand over my belly, "This thingy needs a mom, and yes a dad also but...you know, there a lot of different families in the world...maybe it won't have a daddy, but I promise you that is going to have six aunts taking care of it and loving it with all our hearts. We won't leave you alone, Phoebe. This baby is yours, but I promise that we will love this child as it was our baby".

I let her hug me and I cried louder. She was right, she was so, so so right but...but...I felt so stupid but I couldn't help it, they were not Cole! It felt so good to know that I wouldn't be alone, that I was not alone but it was still hurting me to know that he wouldn't be here anymore. That we would never be the family I always dreamed with...and, six aunts? I was not sure about that. Prue, Piper, Paige...and grams...no, they wouldn't be happy with this and I was afraid because I felt that at any moment they'd kick me out...with my friends and my unborn child.

"This feeling is never going to go away, but it's going to get better. Post traumatic stress is common in this cases, plus the hormones and...well, the whole situation...," added Helena, talking to the others too, "If you can't eat, sleep, that kind of things are normal but if you can't handle them, we'll need to ask for some help Pheebs...for your own good, and the baby's".

"Keep the secret for now, please...," I whispered, helpless.

"Only for a few more days, if this doesn't change...," warned me Ruby.

"Thank you...," I whispered.

"Now please, eat a bit. It's yummy," said Gisselle, with a fork near my mouth.

I didn't want to but I opened my mouth, letting her lead the fork with noodles to my mouth. I chewed slowly, still crying but not giving up. I had to move on, I myself had said it before...what a lier I was, I didn't want to move on! I wanted to go back and take Cole with me, make love to him, have him forever...

Forever.

* * *

**Not a good chapter, I know...I know! but I felt like writing this...I hope that next chapter improves a bit.**


	8. Bulimia and nervosa

**Chapter seven: Bulimia and nervosa.**

I waited until midnight. The whole house was sleeping so I sneaked into the kitchen and took a tray before opening the fridge to take some food to put over. I selected some of the stuff that was almost empty, like the two slices of cheese, the last glass of milk of the open box and some bread; I knew that it wasn't the best meal ever but I couldn't let my family to realize that they were hiding in the attic, or starve them neither.

"They won't notice," I said to my child, going to where grams used to put the junk food and candies, "Oh...I'll take the risk," I decided, taking more stuff form anywhere; they hand't had a nice meal since they came here, a week ago.

I went upstairs trying to be as silent as I could, succeeding in leaving the kitchen but not the second floor.

"Phoebe," I heard the voice of Prue, standing at the door of my room.

She scared me. A lot. So much...that I let drop the tray with everything. I widened my eyes and Prue approached as the others left their rooms to see what had happened.

"Girls?," asked grams, alarmed, "Girls are you okay?"

"What was that!," said Paige with a hand in her heart, looking at the mess on the floor.

"What were you doing with that?," asked Piper with a face of concern, biting her lip.

I didn't know what to tell them. I was trying to make up a good lie, but anything came to my mind. Their faces made me shake a bit, they were really serious and the silence was unbearable. I'm so glad that I didn't make it to the attic, or Prue would have find out about everything.

"I was...hungry...," I replied, feeling stupid; having spent so many years lying and I couldn't made anything better?

"Of course you were," said Piper, "You barely eat".

"And you vomit a lot," added Paige, embracing herself in Piper's arms.

I widened my eyes even more if I could do that, what? They, were they thinking that I...? Oh my God! Please, tell me no, tell me no! What a mess dear Lord!

"We suspected that you had bulimia but we had no real proof until now," told me Prue with a sad face and a little disappointed, rubbing her forehead with one of her hands.

I tried to speak but nothing came out from my mouth. I couldn't believe that they got to think about something like that, bulimia? what? Were they serious? I mean, me? Phoebe? Please! Oh now I understand a lot of their attitudes and commentaries! Mental note: never trust them as detectives. Bulimia?

"What do you have to say about this?," asked me Grams, as I stood in silence with a face of disbelief and about to laugh in their faces.

I stammered. I wanted to jump and yell, _Are you nuts? Bulimia? I'm pregnant group of idiots!_ but I realized that maybe, just maybe, was better close my mouth; I was too afraid to tell them the truth and call me a coward because I am, but I can't tell them. I prefer them to think that I throw up after every meal than confessing my sin.

"No," I replied staring at the floor, "No".

The others remained quiet too, no one of us knew what to say. I could hear my grandmother sighing, Piper was crying really nervously but not emitting a single noise.

"Let me clean this," said after a while, going downstairs and Paige followed her, worried about our sister and...about me.

"Go to sleep," said Grams, "Tomorrow we...will see what we're going to do now".

I stared at her, moving, walking slowly addressing her room. She had one hand over her heart, but this time it wasn't aching by an attack, but by me and my stupidity. I felt the urge to run, take her hand and tell her that I was lying, but the truth wasn't better.

I feel like crap.

I didn't dare to move since Prue was still there, what would be she thinking about? What would be the others be thinking about? And what would I bring my friends to eat now that all was on the floor and I almost was caught in my own game?

I waited for her to yell at me or insult me, anything, but she just walked away and entered gram's room, to sleep with her maybe.

I was alone in the middle of the hall, listening to Piper and Paige talking about cleaning the milk first. This is so unrealistic...I felt so empty, empty and sad. My sister's steps brought them next to me, and Piper couldn't hold her pain anymore and hugged me.

"Why do you keep trying to kill yourself?," she whispered to my ear, "Don't you understand that I love you with all my being and if anything gets to happen with you I'm gonna die too?"

I had my eyes wide opened, feeling her words as a big stab in the middle of my ribs. Paige bent down and began to clean, pretending that that wasn't happening.

_"I wish I was dead,"_ I said to myself, hugging Piper back and getting Paige into our embrace before locking myself in my room.

After a few minutes, I couldn't hear anymore voices nor noises, so I knew they were at their rooms. I opened the door slowly and went upstairs to talk to my girls; they needed to know, I knew that they were wondering what had happened.

"It's me," I said as soon as I stepped on the attic, watching them worried and in complete silence, "Everything is ok, breath again".

"What happened?," asked me Gisselle, a little afraid.

"They caught me bringing you food," I said quickly; I didn't want them to go and check on me and notice that I wasn't in my room.

"What?", asked the three of them.

"Easy, the don't know about you they think...oh this is so stupid, but...," I took a deep breath, "They think that I have bulimia and that's why I'm always with a lot of food and throwing up".

Their faces stared at me with confused expressions, they didn't know if they had to laugh or cry about what I had said.

"Ok...," said Rubí raising an eyebrow, "Eh...and you told them that it wasn't true?"

"No. They believe that I am and I'll let them think that for a few more days...you know, to gain some time," I said opening the door again, "Let's talk tomorrow, if they go to my room and don't find me there we're screwed".

"You're screwing all," warned me Helena, really upset, "They are your family they love you and you're playing with them!"

"I'm not pla...," I tried to defend myself but she didn't let me.

"Yes you're. You're being a selfish bitch and a brat. You're taking all this as a game, you got us here an you have no idea what to do with us now. You have a baby to take care of but all what you do is crying over his father that is as irresponsible and selfish as you are and doesn't care about you...but when the people that loves you cries for you and tries to help you and make you happy you ignore them! You don't see it and you cheat on them. That's not the Phoebe that we know..."

I left the attic with my eyes filled of tears. They don't know me! I have been that person my whole life! Tricky, lier, selfish, coward...trying to find the love I lack for myself in other people that always, gets to hurt me.

But what hurt me the most is that they were right.

Cole didn't care about me. It had been a week since he learned about my pregnancy and he hasn't appeared. Could I wait for him my whole life? Was he going to come back? Did he loved me? At least one of our kisses was real to him?

"I'm sorry," I cried hugging my pillow in the darkness of my room, "I'm so tired...," I added talking to my child, "I'm sorry I can't be the mother you need...I can't be the sister they want nor the granddaughter she tried to raise. I promise that I never wanted to hurt you...I just...I just don't want you to ask yourself why he isn't here, as I do all the time...why isn't Victor here? Why did he left us? Why did he left my mom?...Why we were a perfect family until I was born? Did I ruined all? Did I ruined all for us and now I'm just ruining all again but for you and Cole? What if you're meant to be together as father and son and the one not belonging is me?," I pursed my lips and let all my sorrow come out, I'm so confused, so nervous, so scared...

Some days after, I had promised my family that I wasn't going to throw up anymore, that if they gave me a week I'd prove them that I could fight against this alone. They accepted, after all what had happened in the center they were a little skeptical about sending me to another, so they let me stay at home to "work in my issues". I have been waking up a lot earlier than before to leave my friends some food, we don't get to talk a lot since they're mad at me and I understand...but I won't tell my family about the baby, they'll have to find out by themselves.

"Breakfast, ladies," I said trying to open the door of the attic, what was always difficult when I was carrying the tray, but I was too lazy to leave it on the floor and then stand again.

"What's there Phoebe?"

I felt a chill run down my body. That voice. Someone was behind me and was my grandmother. What to do now? Fuck! She caught me, she caught me, she caught me! My heart raced and I started feeling dizzy, about to faint. This can't be happening! Where to run? What kind of lie am I going to say now? Is she going to believe me? No, no she won't! She won't stop, she will find out. Why? Now things are over and forever! She will kick them out but before they will tell her about me and Cole and I can't let that happen, no, please no! God, if you exist, if you still feel some love for me, please, please, stop this right now!

"Open the door," she ordered me.

I shook my head, trying to say no, but Prue moved faster and did it for me. I tried to grab her arm, but I couldn't move: I was panicked. The door opened slowly as Prue turned on the lights before covering her mouth with her hand and almost yell:

"What the...?"

* * *

**I think this went a little fast but I'm not sure what to write while Cole isn't here! **

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**RodeKnop: **Hi there! thank you for your rr it means a lot to know that you're still here! Thank youuuu!


	9. One chance

**Chapter eight: One chance.**

I fainted. Is the only thing I know: I fainted. Or almost fainted, I never lost consciousness. I heard the voices calling for me, as Prue tried to make the girls back up.

"Who the hell are you people?," she yelled hysterically.

"What happened now?," I heard Paige's voice from the other floor.

"Bring the phone!," ordered Prue, "I need to call the police right now!"

"No!," I shouted opening my eyes, sitting on the floor finding grams next to me, "No, Prue, stop!"

"Who are they Phoebe, I want the truth and I want it now!," demanded grams squeezing my arm too tight.

Prue had a defensive position and Piper was running upstairs while Paige handed our big sister the phone, curiously. My friends were pale. Helena was in shock, Gisselle on the edge of the tears and Ruby resigned. I was afraid, I knew what I had to say but they were so mad at me. My life had ended, they were going to kill me! I saw that Gisselle was pulled by Ruby, slowly, they were trying to tell me that they were going to be fine: they were saying do what you have to do.  
I looked at my grandma, about to tell her that I had no idea. Her eyes were so annoyed and my sisters so confused: but I had told my friends that I wasn't going to deceive them that easy.

I had told my baby that we weren't like Cole.

"They're my friends," I replied nervously, dry swallowing.

Grams released my arm and stared with confusion turning to them, to see them. Helena took a deep breath and tangled her hands with Ruby and Gisselle, as the last one smiled a bit to me when she heard me. I smiled too, shortly, only to reply.

"From where," asked Paige, taking the bull by the horns. The ambient was tense, almost ready to be cut with a scissor.

"The center," I confessed supporting my back with my palms, wondering if I had hit my baby or not.

"You mean rehab?," asked Piper this time, helping grams to stand up, "Slow...," asked her.

I nodded at her question and stood alone, nearer to my friends than my family: I was scared.

"Why are they here?," asked Prue with her typical bossy voice.

I gave a quick look around, it was time to speak up.

"After...what happened, you know, at the center...they had nowhere to go," I explained, swallowing, "And I thought that..."

"You thought what?," asked Piper softly.

I closed my eyes for a second. I could feel the eyes of my grandmother penetrating my thoughts like a droll, it made me feel so little and ashamed but...I had to grow: I had to take all the responsibilities of my actions, for once.

"That bringing them home would be a good idea," I finished, opening my eyes again.

"What?", yelled Prue, almost hysterical, "What the hell do you have in your empty brain Phoebe Marie Halliwell!," asked sharply, getting a slap in the arm from Piper.

"They are alone!," I yelled pointing the girls, who backed a little, as if that was even possible.

"And what?," Insisted Prue, but this time our grandmother gave her a look and she just shut.

"They have nowhere to go," I insisted talking to Paige, to Piper...trying to get some support from them but I felt that I was loosing the fight.

"Phoebe this is illegal," said Piper nervously, hugging herself and walking in circles close to Prue.

"No it is not, they are allowed to get back to their homes...," I said with a bit of hope.

Piper and Paige were paying attention to what I was saying, getting a little convinced. Prue for her side was still reticent and Grams, she was silent.

"Almost...," I added when I thought about Gisselle. I saw her shed a tear. I felt so miserable.

"Almost?," asked Paige.

"Gisselle...she isn't," I finished and I heard her sobbing, being protected by Helena and Ruby.

Piper and Paige stared at them with pity, Prue was feeling the same, regardless her hard face and arms crossed. I turned back to settle eyes with grams: she was the only one who could say yes or no.

"Please," I begged, bending, "I know that it is a lot to ask but..."

"A lot to ask? Impossible to ask!," interrupted Prue.

"Please," I insisted talking to Grams; I didn't care about Prue right now.

Grams just rubbed her face, muttering something to herself that no one of us got to hear. She walked around all of us, slowly. I was about to scream or jump from the window, why was she going so slowly? Why wasn't she yelling or anything? Why so...peaceful? This isn't grams, not the grams I know! What have I done to her? I saw her approaching my sisters and put a hand over Prue's shoulder before speaking.

"Piper, Paige, Prue: Take this three ladies to the dinning room and give them some food...," explained.

The first two just said yes and made a gesture to the others, asking them to follow them downstairs, but Prue...she was speechless, shocked about the resolution.

"Phoebe," added grams, "We need to talk".

I just sat on the bed that was closet to me a little afraid of her reaction. She just sat next to me in silence, awaiting for my explanation. I coughed a bit and tried to stand, but my legs were too numbed and her eyes almost glued to my whole being. She was serious. Serious as ever.

"Their names are Helena, Ruby and Gisselle," I started, babbling a bit, playing with my hands resting in my lap even afraid of touching my belly; I felt like if she was able to read my mind and my deepest thoughts, "They were my roommates at the center...Helena, the one with blue shirt...she is twenty-one".

Grams didn't move a single muscle nor asked anything, just stared at me with her cold face, expressionless. I felt trapped in a little box with the people surrounding me and pointing me like saying "she's the Freebie, the troublemaker, the shame of the family! Look at that black sheep!"

"She...had some issues with drugs abuse...," I kept saying, "her mom died and her father chose a new family over her, she's alone but with his check every month..."

I looked at her trying to get some reaction, but still nothing: only her iris burning my skin.

I felt so sad that this girls weren't as great and magnificent as Prue's friends...all cheerleaders with the greatest grades and a brilliant future, or like Piper's...quiet, smart...or Paige's...but they were my friends I could see all the good they had and no one else could! I had make Grams see that too, otherwise...

"She is sweet and responsible," I added straightening my back, willing to win the fight, "Good with advices and tries to make us better people, to take us out of this. Then you find Ruby, the skinny one. She is fifteen, she is like Paige...," I told her trying to touch some sensitive fiber in her soul, and I guess that I did when I saw her softening her face a bit, "She, her parents used to rape her..."

As soon as I said that, Gram's face changed to an horrified expression, asking me to tell her more about that.

"When she decided to speak up about the abuse, they locked her up in the center...saying that she was lying...She cuts herself, she's a lesbian, she's afraid, but she wants to help people to fight for their lives. She wants to lead other girls like her and avoid them to fall so down".

Grams smiled at that, her eyes were a little watered...I wish I knew what she was thinking about but I believe that was working. I hope that worked.

"The last one is Gisselle. She was born in a catholic family and since she has a disorder of personality they tried to exorcise her until so crazy levels; goverment took her away from them, she is really sweet and nice, loves darning and making clothes. She wants to have her own line, she wants to be happy, Grams...," I approached her and took her hands in mine, begging her with my eyes to hear my plea, "They want to be happy, they want a family, the just want a chance. If I deceive them, Helena will survive alone until dying from an overdose, Ruby will have to get back to her parents...and Gisselle, she will be locked up in a center until her twenty-first birthday, then to the streets or maybe to her parents..."

"You really believe in this, don't you?," stopped me, settling eyes with me.

My eyes watered at her vow of confidence and I just nodded slowly before replying to her question.

"For the first time in my life, I believe in what I'm doing".

Grams just wiped a tear from my eye and sighed before hugging me tight.

"I know that I should be mad at you, and ground you until your ninety-seventh birthday," she whispered, "but...this only proves that you have a golden heartt ...you were always like this when you were a child...bringing birds, puppies, you tried to save a flee once," she said smiling weakly.

"Did I?"

"You did. But they're not animals or pets honey, they're people. This is not like giving them some food and finding them a new home, to heal their broken wings..."

"Is the same," I insisted, "Is exactly the same".

"My dear...," interrupted me Grams, looking at my eyes, "I wish that we were able to do something for them..."

"We can," I said before she could give me some excuse.

"Phoebe, my little girl, we don't have the money to..."

"Helena does!," I told her jumping from the couch, ready to run downstairs, "Her father is rich, he can help us! You'll see! If it's about money we have no problems!"

"But..."

"Can we at least try?," I asked her walking back to the couch, sitting again.

Grams sighed and shook her head sadly.

"I don't want to be mean to you, but...Phoebe, I had trusted in you a lot of times and..."

"Now is going to be different," I said taking her hands and kissing them almost desperate, I needed a shot! Only one! That was enough!

"We're talking about people not a pet rock that you can let die".

"That is why I'm begging you".

Grams closed her eyes trying to decide what to do now. I pursed mi lips, awaiting for her response. Minutes seemed hours, time was taking forever and she was making some counts in her head, talking to my mother or my grandfather in her prayers, not saying a word: only moving her lips slowly.

"I shouldn't do this, you know that, right?," she asked me, really serious.

"I know," I replied shedding some tears of emotion and hugging her by her neck with all my heart, "I know".

"One chance. At the mini..."

"I won't deceive you I swear!," I yelled hugging her tighter, kissing her cheeks several times, "I promise, I promise that I'm going to make all this work out and if it doesn't work you can do whatever you want with us".

"This won't be for free Phoebe," she warned me, trying to save herself from my kisses and hugs, "I need the money and I need a good behavior".

"Don't worry about that, I'll talk to Helena about the money and their treatments. I promise, I promise that everything is going to be fine".

"Go and tell them," she asked me, giggling at seeing me so happy, "I'll take care of Prudence".

"She will yell til her death," I said singing childish, jumping in my place like a three years old.

"I know," she sighed standing up, following me downstairs, "She has her reasons...Paige is too young and you're..."

"Got it," I interrupted her, "Nothing bad is going to happen. I would never put my sister's in risk, you know that".

"I do".

I hugged her for the last time, feeling her so close to me after so many days...feeling that things were going right for once. I kissed her again and ran down stairs until I remembered that falling down would be mortal for my child and slowed down before reaching the first floor in where I found Paige pouring the girls some juice, Prue cutting bread and Piper asking the girls if they had some kind of allergy to cinnamon. I stood in the door and they all looked at me.

"Welcome home," I said, and while Prue's jaw dropped, Piper smiled and Paige stared at Prue's face, the others ran to me crying and saying thank you, "I need the aunties with me," I whispered to their ears and they, they laughed.


	10. Bars

**Chapter nine: Bars.**

The next day Prue took Paige and Piper to their schools before than my friends and I had the chance to get up; she is still pissed and doesn't want us to be close to them...well, she lets me because she knows that she can't do anything about it but now is lunch time and also Friday, so they all have to be home early. Whether they liked it the idea or not.

"Hi," I greeted my grandma when I saw her crossing the door of the manor with her purse in her hands, hugging her sweetly.

"Hi," she smiled at me, kissing my cheek, "How are the things going?"

"As you left them," I replied, walking with her to the dinning room.

"Are you cooking?," she asked me with a curious face, I shook my head.

"Gisselle, she wanted to; she says that she is going to cook from now if you let her because she wants to help and say thank you," I replied proud of her and I saw grams smiling.

"Good afternoon Missis Halliwell," said Helena when she saw us standing next to the table, a little nervous, checking for the third time if all was well set.

"Call me Penny, Missis Halliwell sounds like if I was old people," she laughed.

Helena blushed and nodded shyly. Some steps were heard from the stairs and hallway, bringing Piper, Prue and Paige from the bathroom with their hands washed.

"Hi grams," said the girls as the kissed her, Prue still a little mad at her.

"Hello my angels, how was the day?," she asked them as Helena took her hand to ask her to sit down and wait for the lunch, "Thank you sweetheart, I guess that I'm started to get used to this," she said giggling a bit.

Prue smirked at that and took the seat next to her right hand.

"Do the girls need help?," asked Piper, talking to Helena.

"No, we are ok!," replied Ruby from the kitchen, "Just sit, we fix the rest".

Paige smiled, happy for not having to move a finger and sat next to grams, to her left. Piper had to resist her instincts of going helping them, knowing that they were trying to do the things right and that was important for me, and took a seat next Paige; all indicated that I had to sit next Prue.

Scary.

"I talked to my friend," said Grams, taking the control again, "he said that the girls can finish their school with no problems but you need to study a lot and it's going to take a while for them to recover all the lost years. It's going to be your job, Phoebe, to teach them and make sure that they learn: you and them need to finish your high school, you mostly with only one year ahead".

"But school starts on September," said Paige, "This year is a few weekends to finish".

"I know," said Grams, "But they have lost a lot of years and Phoebe needs good grades, for a change".

"So you want us to start now?," I asked her, making a face of sorrow.

"After lunch," she smiled.

"Are you serious?," asked Helena, really excited about the topic, "Can we? I mean, really?"

"Sure you can, you must," insisted Grams, "You're here because you want a future and if you work along with us, I promise you're going to get it".

"I don't...know how to...," babbled Helena, really emotional, "Thank you".

I smiled and the others too, even Prue changed her hard expression to a neutral expression, what in her language meant a smile. Helena bit her lip to avoid crying, I guess that no one had given her a chance or made her believe that she could do anything she wanted since she was a kid. Since she was forgotten and abandoned by her father.

"If you have any questions or need help, I'm here," said Piper talking to me and Helena, well, to the whole table in fact: she was the official library of the house.

"Lunch is ready!", sang Gisselle from the kitchen, carrying a big pot in her hands being followed by Ruby, who was carrying another one.

"Ok, you tell me how much is too much," said Helena serving Grams from Gisselle's pot and I did the same with Ruby's.

"That's fine for me, thank you," said Paige when she was served, really happy, "It looks really yummy!"

"Thank you, I really hope you like it," replied Gisselle excited about the commentary.

"Whose is that plate?," asked Gramms, noticing that one of them had a very little portion of food.

"Ruby's," answered Gisselle.

"Great, my bulimic sister and her anorexic friend, now I know why you get along so well," said Prue bitterly, ironical as only she could be when she wanted to.

"Prudence," warned Grams with a really serious face.

"What?," she asked pissed.

"If your sister has a problem we are here to support her, not to condemn her, and if her friend has issues, we're going to help her too. I forbid you to make those kind of critics that don't help to their situations. We have talked about this before. They're behaving".

"We are always helping Phoebe and she is always screwing all, I wouldn't say that I'm condemning her, she condemns herself and you help her letting her do anything she wants," complained Prue hitting the table.

"I won't accept this behavior in my house nor in my table, Prudence: behave yourself and respect my decisions or stand and go until you learn to respect me".

"I can't believe that being me the one that's always with you, supporting you, taking care of you and my sisters have to listen this. You had never said that to Phoebe, ever, and she...whatever," she said standing up, leaving the kitchen and slamming the door.

The whole table was now in silence. Paige and Piper were worried and my friends trying to find somewhere to hide. I myself was really angry, why was so hard for Prue being nice and supportive?

"She is so!," I tried to say.

"Worried. With reasons," corrected me Grams, stopping me before I had the chance of saying something I'd regret later, then she addressed the girls, "I'm sorry for that, I really am, but you have to understand her position".

"Please, don't apologize, we do," said Helena, "We know that this is huge, and that you're doing a lot for us...she's in her right to be mad and scared, we're not the kind of person I'd let my kids to hang out with, I know, but we promise that we will do anything and everything to get her confidence or at least make her see that we won't harm anyone, least you and your family".

"I know," said grams, "Now finish your meal, you need to eat. All of you".

"Just to clear up...I'm allergic to fish, that's why I didn't get some," explained Ruby a little embarrassed.

"I talked with my father," added Helena, "He said that he is going to send me some money this week".

"That's good news," commented Grams.

Three days later things were still hard between us and Prue. I would like to talk to her and explain her...but she wouldn't listen to me and I don't feel like listening to all the insults she has to say...I can't say that I don't understand because I do, and sadly if I was her, I would be in the same position. I had betrayed her so many times and she has been always in the right path, doing the best for everyone and now must to be feeling like lasting, as if anybody listened to her or counted her opinion. I wish I could make her see that she's worrying about nothing, I wish that I hadn't destroyed all her confidence in me.

I was full asleep when I felt someone pocking on me.

"What?," I asked to Giselle when I saw her in front of me, "Did you finish your homework?"

"Come, you want to see this," she replied ignoring my question, taking my hand and making me go to the first floor.

"Come on, I'm sleepy," I complained yawning, dragging my feet to the living room.

"You sure?," asked Ruby sitting on the edge of the sofa, pointing to another seat.

"Of course I'm sure," I replied yawning exaggeratedly, closing my eyes and stretching a bit, "To be creating a new life isn't that easy," I said rubbing my eyes to see better and take care of whatever they wanted me to do, when I froze.

I froze.

Totally.

One hundred percent.

Cold as ice.

Still.

Almost in zombie state.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

It couldn't be real.

He couldn't be here...no, it was a dream, a dream, a nice dream or a cruel dream but a dream! Cole wasn't here, I was still sleeping: Cole wasn't sitting on my sofa with his hands on his lap and his head down, glancing at me.

No.

It wasn't him...he wasn't.

It couldn't be him.

Was him?

"Time to leave them alone," said Helena clapping to make the others stand, "I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you both: talk".

I used the sofa as support to avoid falling down: it was shocking having him in my living room, at home...I hadn't seen him in weeks and now he was here, from nowhere...one day after I had decided forgetting about him and moving on to a brand new life by my own.

Destiny loves making me fight against what's reasonable.

"Careful," asked me Cole standing quickly at seeing me so weak, taking my arm to help me, but I pushed him away.

"What are you doing here?," I growled, turning my back to him literally.

"I came for you," he said clearly, not leaving me alone, but not touching me.

I swallowed and shook my head before taking a seat, hiding my face in my hands sighing hard. I couldn't believe anything of this, for me? He came for me? Was he serious? Wasn't I dreaming?

"Why?," I asked him, sharply, too confused and irritated.

He said nothing. Not a single world came to my ears. I thought that if he was there just for playing, I wasn't going to let him...I wasn't going to play with him neither...if we had hurt each other and now he was here to make us suffer again, I wasn't joining his game: I had someone to take care of, a little life to respect and give stability and peace...if he couldn't take that he had to hit the road. I knew that I couldn't do it alone but I also knew that with him in the map making me go up and down any time he appeared, it would stop being hard and turn into impossible.

"Leave me alone," I ordered him, looking at the floor and not at the door: I couldn't stand the scene of seeing the love of my life and father of my child slamming the door to say good bye forever...I don't know how my mother could do it and she didn't die after...maybe that was what killed her...or maybe he wasn't her real love...or maybe she was just stronger, smarter and better than me.

I waited him to move, but he didn't. The needles of the clock were the only thing alive in the living room. When I opened my mouth to ask him to leave again, he spoke:

"I can't".

I felt anguish and pain in his voice: yes, he was hurt, as hurt as I was, but I didn't want to open a door that I was trying to close so hard, only to have to close it again.

"You ignored me pretty well last time, I'm sure you can do it now too, easily," I replied.

I felt his steps and closed my eyes thinking that now everything was lost and that our story had ended definitely, but instead of listening the sound of the door opening or slamming, I felt his hands over mine and I saw him kneeling to face me.

"I'm sorry," he told me with all his honesty and deep from his heart, expecting my response.

I looked into his eyes, surprised at finding tears on them. He moved his hands slowly, taking my face in his hands, caressing my cheek lovingly. I felt melting, I only wanted to close my eyes and never stop feeling like this. My knees went weak, my breath turned heavy and my eyes blurred. I wanted to trust him, I really wanted to do it.

It was up to me.

I believed him.

But that didn't mean that I was forgiving him so easily...I promised that I didn't want to suffer again, I didn't want him to break my heart twice.

I felt his fingers moving to my lips and I closed my eyes, leaning over a bit, trying to catch his lips in my imagination but not in the real life: I had to go slower.

"Why you did that to me?," I asked him in a whisper, feeling his lips closer, so tempting.

"I'm scared," he said, stroking his cheek with mine, with his hands on my head. His warm breath made me feel strange, happy, confused.

"Me too," I replied feeling a little groggy, like in trance...like the sweet bizarre beginning of those kind of erotic dreams you don't share.

I let him touch my lips with his carefully, slowly...he was asking them if he could kiss me, and they said yes in a language that only we could understand. I wanted to take him right there; call me impulsive, but I didn't want to let him go again and I missed him so much...and the moment, oh this moment was so perfect and dreamy: I always expected him to be tender and soft.

"I thought it was better," he said kissing my lips again, "for you and...," he stopped to kiss me another time and didn't finish the line about the baby, not daring to mention it and not touching it neither, "To live without me. In a nice family, with no drugs without..."

"The love of my life?," I asked him when he separated his mouth from mine, taking his face with my hands now, kissing him again, "You really thought that I'd be able to live without you?"

"I do," he replied, as we started to feel the heat of the room, or maybe our.

"You're so wrong," I whispered to his ear now that he was hugging me, kissing my head while I nailed my fingers on his back as if that would make him stay with me forever, "I haven't stop crying since the day we made apart. I thought you hated me".

As soon as I said that, he released me and put my forehead against his to look in my eyes. He was a little sharp in his movement; I was starting to wonder when and how he had turned from the cold apathetic Cole into this sweet, crying and loving man...or where his cold, brute side had gone.

"I would never hate you," he whispered, cleaning with his thumb a tear falling down my cheek, softening again; now I could notice that he was doing a great effort trying to be as emphatic as he could.

"Prove it and stay," I begged him, almost muttering my request.

Cole closed his eyes, not separating from me.

"What are they going to say?"

"It doesn't matter".

"It does to me," he insisted, opening his eyes slowly, "They can...if they don't want us together..."

"Are you afraid of jail?"

"I'm afraid of the bars making us apart forever".

"I'm afraid of our own bars making us apart forever".

Cole kissed me again, this time longer and I joined the game definitely, defeated: he was so irresistible, so charming. We got more passionated with the seconds, each one a little more. He made me lie on the sofa carefully, about to sit over me until he recalled about a certain someone. I smiled childish and he smiled back, excited, pulling up my shirt to my breasts. He kissed my belly shyly, making me shiver a bit. I sighed when he did it again, giggling when he started spreading the kisses around: the moment was magical, unique, unforgettable.

"I love you," he told our bump, surrounding it with his hands and I allowed myself crying; after believing that our baby was going to grow up without a father, now he was talking to him in the sweetest voice ever, "I love you and I will never leave you...I hope that I can get to be the father you deserve, and the man your mother does," he promised it with emotion and hope in his eyes.

He kissed my belly for the last time with a lot of tenderness and then he kissed me again.

"I missed you so much," I confessed, biting my lip.

"I love you Phoebe".

"I love you too".

I stopped talking and just let him spread kisses down my neck. I felt in heaven, after so many years in hell.

* * *

**I suck at romance. I hope you don't hate me.**

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**ButterflyEyes24:** Hello stranger! you back in town charming and kicking? Please say yes! Thank you for the rr haha I just imagined Phoebe doing something stupid and immature and bang! Hey, Cole's back! PS: Don't leave again or he's going to leave Phoebe! lol *blackmail* **!**

**Leonie1988: **Thank you! hope you liked this one too :)


	11. You

**Chapter ten: You.**

Cole was stroking my hair softly as I lay over his chest, enjoying his embrace. I was thinking about all what had happened between us in the past hours and I felt like dreaming...when I was with Todd, when I was fighting with other girls, when they pointed me and made me cry in secret, I used to think that I was a princess awaiting for her prince charming in his white horse; I'm sure that no one who knew me would have thought that I had that kind of illusions, but I had them. Now I wasn't with Todd, the girls in my life were friends, not enemies, and I had shoulders to cry over...Today my prince had arrived, maybe not with a horse...maybe not being a prince, but I wasn't a princess neither.

We were living our own fairy tale, making our own version of the events, with more drama and darkness, but our at the end.

We were in silence, smiling from side to side, although he was a little worried and I really sleepy and tired.

"Knock, knock," we heard the voice of Helena who came into my room with a hand covering her eyes.

"Since when you do that?," I asked her raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know," she replied, still not looking, "But some things have changed since I came here, one of those is that now I can't see you naked".

"We aren't naked," I giggled, and she opened her eyes.

"Hey!, lier!," she complained with her hands on her hips.

"Sheets," I shrugged, Cole rolled his eyes when I looked at him, and I took his hand with mine and rested both on his chest, "What happens?"

"Guys, I know you're working on your issues, so I didn't want to come here and interrupt you but Paige is coming home within thirty minutes...so, if you won't talk with your family about Cole and Cole J.r...," she said coughing.

My smile changed to a sad face immediately; mi prince had to go. Cole took my chin softly and made me look into his eyes.

"What do you want me to do?," he asked me, kissing the hand I had with his.

"Don't go...," I asked him, getting closer to him.

I hid my face in his neck: I didn't want him to go, although I knew it was crazy asking him to stay. But who could blame me for wishing him to stay with me forever? I thought I had lost him, I cried days and nights, and suddenly he appears to tell me that he loved me and wanted to do the right thing, only to accept that he has to go again?

I supposed that Cole and Helena stared at each other because as soon as he took my face again, I could see her arms crossed with a serious face and with Ruby and Gisselle next to her.

"Ok. I don't want to be the wicked witch, but someone has to make you realize that this isn't a game," said Helena, I hate when she is this serious, mostly when her seriousness is so right, "You know that if they see Cole they will want some answers, and if you give those answer, you both are going to be dead".

"Super dead," added Gisselle, nodding energetically.

"You've to think about this...you're not only hiding Cole existence from them," commented Ruby.

"I'm not saying that you don't have to tell them, but if you're going to do it now, you need to get up and dress," finished Helena.

I bit my lip. I didn't know what to say.

"What do _you_ want me to do?," Cole asked me again, ignoring their words and all gazes addressed my confused face.

I looked at him with the big _what to do now? _question: I wasn't so confident after listening to all that.

Cole took a deep breath and sat on the bed, making me too, covering my chest with the sheets.

"Are you ready to tell them? We don't have to if you are not," he said stroking my cheek.

"We?," I asked him, smiling shyly.

"I told you that I love you, didn't I?," he asked with a sweet smile.

I smiled back and he kissed me lovingly. I'm amazed. I knew that he was nervous and scared, and even though, he pretended that he was not only for me. He was strong for me. He was here.

For me.

"If you're going to start again first ask us to leave!," said Ruby, and Cole and I separated to stare at her in shock.

"I don't know what's wrong with us lately," said Gisselle, shaking her head.

"A life without drugs and alcohol?," I asked them, "You haven't had them in a while..."

"Or not as often as before...," said Helena.

"That's the feeling at home effect," commented Cole.

"I told you that love can save lives," celebrated Gisselle, proud of her hopes and happy: I had never seen her so happy, and the girls say that she had never been like this before.

"I want to save ours," I said to all, holding his hands, "Cole, love, I promise I don't want you to go but..."

"I understand," he said, placing a finger over my mouth, "I really do".

"We will leave you alone," said Gisselle, making the others follow her and leave the room.

I made Cole hug me again and he sat me on his lap.

"Helena without drugs and Ruby without alcohol?", he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Unbelievable, but true," I shrugged, "Hey...We still have half and hour...," I added catching his lips again, but he didn't respond to my kiss.

"Phoebe, stop," he asked me, and I looked at him surprised.

"What?, Why?," I said about to cry: stupid hormones! How much I hate them!

"Listen...," he told me, taking my face in his hands, "I need you to know that I'm trying to do my best to...I want to be the man you deserve, but I'm apathetic and hard, I have been living alone and by my own a lot of years and, I don't want you to think that I don't love you or I don't love our baby but...it was really hard for me telling you all what I told you and telling you this".

I looked at his eyes, what a couple of wonderful blue eyes he had! Honest, sincere...I could see his effort, I could feel his love. He was trying, he was maybe, doing more than what I was doing. He was being brave and good, I was...I had spent my days crying and giving up and him, he came to fix it all: he fought, he was fighting and I was sure that he was going to fight until the end of this battle of us alone against this world.

"I appreciate it," I whispered.

"I need a rest...I hate being cold and bitter, but that's at what I'm used to, and although that being out of the center helps a lot and seeing your beautiful face also, it requires a lot of effort".

"I understand," I said, getting off of his lap and sitting on the bed to give him some space, "but I need you to promise me something..."

"Anything".

I looked at his concerned face, or focused face, and decided to have a little fun with my request.

"I don't want to have sex never again".

Cole's face changed to a surprised, shocked one. He was about to ask me why, and suddenly his expression changed to a very bad attempt of agreement.

"Ok".

I started laughing and Cole's face was confused; he didn't know if he had to laugh, cry, or kill himself.

"Only make love, like today," I continued with my typical baby voice.

I saw him smiling a little embarrassed.

"You're too sweet for your own good," he said hugging me again.

"I know," I replied with a smart face.

"I think we should dress," he said standing up from the bed, picking up his clothes from the floor. He handed me mine too.

I stood watching him. He was so perfect. He was real. He was in my room, dressing up, he was in my life for real this time.

"What are you staring at?," he asked me, zipping his jeans.

"You," I smiled, "It's hard to believe that you're really here".

He smiled back and sat on the bed, taking my hand. I saw impotence in his eyes; he didn't want to leave me there...I could tell.

"You're going to get a cold," he said taking my shirt to put it on me.

"It's spring," I complained.

"You got used to be naked?," he asked me a little uncomfortable.

"Funny," I told him taking my pants, standing to put them on. Then I walked to the mirror.

"I have to go," he said hugging me from my back, placing his hands on my belly.

"How fat do you think I'm going to get?," I asked, ignoring what he had said, as if that would make him stay.

"It doesn't matter".

"You say that because you won't gain any weight. Second child and the same muscles," I said with a grimace.

Cole made a sad face as soon as he heard that, releasing my waist, turning back.

"Cole, I'm sorry," I said feeling stupid an guilty; I knew it was a sensitive topic to him and I just spoke without thinking, "I didn't mean...have you seen them yet?," I asked him a little jealous, but also concerned about him and his old life...his daughter has any fault in all this story.

"I have to go now, Phoebe," he said, and I saw him clenching his fist, but his voice was sad and weak.

"I'm sorry," I insisted trying to approach, but I didn't know if that was right or not...he said that he needed some space, and now he was the same cold person that I met the first day.

"I'm coming tomorrow," he replied walking to the door without looking at me or saying good bye.

Without looking at me or saying goodbye.

Like before.

"I would like to know what happened," I asked him, taking his hand to make him stop at the door.

I saw him pursing his lips and shaking his head slowly. I waited for a response. Any kind of response.

"I love you," he said letting go of my hand.

I felt the big wall of ice between ice again. The one that I hate so much. The one I felt the whole time we spent together at the center, the one I couldn't stop kicking the day he didn't go to say goodbye to me and the day Helena said he wasn't coming.

"Cole," I begged.

"Hum?," he muttered stopping his steps.

"You haven't seen them yet, right?," I asked carefully, trying to touch the right keys.

He shook his head, looking at the floor.

"After six years crying for them, you're free and you haven't gone...?," I asked him, starting to get angry and mad, why he hadn't gone to visit them? If the girl was mine, I'd have done all what I could to see her again.

His attitude made me feel hopeless.

Confused.

Scared.

"Why do I have to believe that you're going to come back, if you have any shame to recognize you haven't gone to see your daughter!"

I thought about that little girl as myself, waiting for dad to come back...mine never had...but I was still waiting for him. I couldn't let that girl feel the same way I do, the same way Piper, Prue, Paige, Helena, Ruby and Gisselle do...

It wasn't fair.

"Because...," he started and his voice was trembling.

I didn't need anything else to know his reasons: fear, pain, not ready yet.

"I won't leave you alone in this," I told him, "I promise".

Cole turned back and I saw his eyes watered. I hugged him, this time he needed me. This time, I had to be the strong one...that was what made a couple: reciprocity.

"Don't go," I asked him, changing the topic.

"I will come back," he said, "I will and you have to believe me because you know that I can't lie to you. Because I'm here, risking everything because I can't stay away from you. Because I love you and for the first time I'm not afraid of saying it...because you're my life, because my family is with you...my future is. I don't want to lose you, I can't do it...I tried to stay away, I fought against my own desires and I let you go...but I couldn't bear the image of a little girl or boy of mine and yours growing up without me being there...because I saw you with other men in my head, I saw you away...and I don't want that to happen; if I let you go again and I don't fight for you, if I don't try to make you stay with me...living another second will be impossible and useless".

I felt all the security that I was lacking. Maybe I was being too naïve, as always: but I trusted him. I felt he was saying the truth, I wanted him to be saying the truth.

I separated from his embrace and he stroke my cheek.

I nodded.

"I will be back. Soon. Tomorrow," he said making his way to the first floor with me following him, "I have some stuff to fix...I found a good way to save us and specially Gisselle from the center".

"How?," I asked him smiling big, huge.

"Extorsionism," he shrugged, "We take back our demands and they delete all the info about us. That's going to make me able to get a job, and you all to get a good life".

We stopped at the door and it was time to say goodbye.

No more chit chat.

"I'll be waiting for you".

"I'll be coming for you".

"Good bye," I said kissing him for the last time: sweet, short, kiss. Maybe the idea was leaving us wanting more, needing more, and tomorrow we could get more of each other.

I closed the door fast: I didn't want to see him leaving the manor, so I didn't tried to watch him walking away through the window.

It was better changing my mind of topic.

"Bring your asses down now!," I shouted to the girls, "I know you're in the stairs!"

I felt their steps going down and then, their mischievous faces.

"When did you know about this?," I asked them wrinkling my nose and eyes.

"I went to talk to him on Friday," said Helena.

"Couple of days".

"Two days", added Gissele after Ruby.

"You're great friends," I told them and they came to hug me.

"Helena did it, the only person Cole listens to, is her," said Gisselle.

"Thank you," I whispered to her ear, I already knew that though.

"Hey, I'm applicant for Godmother," she joked, breaking the embrace.

"Baby says thank you for bringing daddy back," I told her with my face covered with tears, "I hate the crying baby I became," I complained.

"We owed you this," said Ruby.

"Tears of happiness are just fine," smiled Gisselle.

* * *

**Ouch, I hope it wasn't so corny and if was, that was a good corny lol; Now that Cole is speaking a little more (a lot more) and Phoebe isn't in a huge depression in a freak world, I feel that everyone is talking too much lol what do you think?**

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**Phole: **Great! I'm trying to do my best but I just SUCK writing romance!

**RodeKnop: **Thank you! that review made my day! She is like three-four months!


	12. Shouldn't be outside

**Chapter eleven: Shouldn't be outside.**

The next day the door bell rang, and my friends and I were ready to ask Cole to go because Paige had no school today and stayed home: we couldn't take the risk.

"I'm going," offered Ruby, because making me go would give the people some hints.

I hated the idea, but it was the better for all of us.

"I love Paige, I can't forget that," I growled sitting on the couch.

"Don't do it," suggested me Gisselle.

A few seconds later, time that I spent repeating _I love Paige and I can't kill her,_ Ruby appeared in the room.

"He said _tell Phoebe that I love her, I'm coming tomorrow,_" communicated the skinny girl with dark hair.

"Thanks Ruby," I replied making a pot.

"Well, now that all danger is away I'm going upstairs to...take a nap," said Helena leaving us down.

"What to do now?," asked Gisselle, "I'm bored".

"We've some homework to do...," I said taking a book from the table in front of me.

"Come on! I said bored," complained Gisselle rolling her eyes.

"She said it," joined Ruby, "And I second the motion".

"We promised Grams that we were going to be good. Bring your notebooks down," I told them and for a moment I felt like Prue.

"You sounded like Prue," said Paige coming down.

"I thought the same. Creepy," I responded making a grimace of pain and terror.

"What are you doing?," she asked me, taking a seat.

"Pretending that I'm a bitch," I said, referring to Prue.

"Hey, we know how she is, why are you surprised?," commented my little sister, "And you've to think she's just worried. We have three strangers with a dark expedient, no offense girls," she said to them, they just nodded not taking the truth as an insult, "sleeping in the attic. She's an hysterical mom".

"But she is my sister and is a sister what I need, not a mother." I told her, "And when I as a mother...," I started to say not thinking before talking, and Gisselle took the advantage that Paige couldn't see her to shake her head side to side heavily, "in like ten or fiteen years, I won't be so mean," I corrected, ashamed of my lack of concentration and intelligence.

"Well, that's gonna be you," she insisted, not noticing about my mistake and I thanked heaving in my thoughts, "but we're talking about Prue. Just count to ten and let her talk, she'll have to accept it sooner or later but she will eventually," she shrugged, "I'm hungry, anyone else?," she asked standing up.

"I'm," said Ruby.

"Me too," added Gisselle.

"No, thanks," I replied.

"But...Phoebe...," she said about to start lecturing me.

"Ok, ok, I'm hungry too," I gave up. I had forgotten about the bulimia lie.

"I'm going to ask Helena," she resolved, "For now think about what are we going to cook. I feel like having apple pie".

When we couldn't see my little sister anymore, we heard the door and the little monster, also known as Prue, appeared on the living room.

"Good afternoon, are we painted?," I asked her when I saw her passing by, straight to the stairs.

"I wish," muttered Prue, "Good afternoon. Where is Paige?," she asked, maybe at noticing that we were only three of four bad influences.

"Upstairs, went for Helena," I said.

Prue turned back and went faster, and I knew that the probabilities of a scene to start were 60% to 40% so I followed her as fast as I could.

"Why is so hard for you to be nice?," I demanded when we arrived the second floor, grabbing her arm to make her face me.

"They're too close to Paige and I don't want them to turn her into a lesbian drug addict!," she mumbled, with her typical face of _I'm the one who rules and you've to admit that I'm always right, even when I'm not_.

"Being gay doesn't make you a criminal! And you know their stories, don't you think that's obvious to her to be afraid of men? Can't you see that the same that what happened to us, a mom dead and absent father happened to Helena and she didn't have a Grams or a sister to count with? Can't you try to fit in their shoes for only a second?," I asked her throwing my hands in the air.

"You say that because you're the same! Is too late to save you, and I promise I feel disappointing mom not trying to make you see how lost you are, but I won't let Paige turn into the same monster you and your special friends are," she told me with almost a defectiveness face, but I knew she was hiding her fears behind that mask.

That didn't mean that it didn't hurt me. She was my sister after all, the person I wanted to become when I was little...seeing her pretending that she didn't care about me made me realize how much I had hurt her in the past.

Think about how much I was going to hurt her in the future.

Prue released from my hand and I followed her, hurt and brokenhearted but ready to defend Helena if she tried to hurt her in any way. We found Paige sitting next to Helena on the couch.

"Damn," I expressed, watching Prudence approach them, the last one with a syringe in her arm.

Heroin to her veins.

"What are you doing here?, Didn't I forbid you come to the attic?," yelled Prue to her, walking towards to make her exit the room.

"You can't forbid me anything!," she complained, and I saw in her a little me; I don't know if I have to freak out or not.

Maybe she's just brave and smart.

She doesn't have to be stupid and rebel.

"And you get out of my house!," added Prue not listening to Paige, like a furious bull.

"Don't you dare!," I interrupted standing in the middle of my big sister and my friend, saving Helena of being pushed but I got the push instead, and harder, because I was moving.

"Stop the nonsense!," yelled Paige to Prue when she saw that.

Prue made a face of sadness and embarrassment and left the attic.

I saw her eyes watering.

Prue was hurt, she couldn't control herself and she felt bad for it. I knew she was destroyed and I have to say that me too, because if she was feeling like that was because of me.

Of us.

She is just as confused as I am...I understand her more than what she thinks...I'm sure she would understand me more than what we all would get to believe.

But she didn't want to.

"Are you ok?," asked me Helena in tears, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she begged taking my hands.

"I'm fine," I replied on the edge of the tears too, "I landed on the bed. I'm fine".

"Baby?," she asked, "Phoebe if anything gets to happen to..."

"All is well," I told her quickly, afraid of the world she had used, "I promise".

"What happened here?," I heard Piper's voice from the stairs, she was talking to Prue and Paige.

"Great," I said rubbing my face, watching the three of them entering the room.

"What were all those yells and shouts?," she asked annoyed.

"She was doing drugs with Paige," complained Prue, as she was five.

"What?," asked Piper getting worried.

"That's not true!," said Paige and I at the same time.

Prue, Paige and I started arguing. Our voices were raising and Helena was crying harder. Piper was getting angrier and angrier until she yelled at the three of us only one time.

"Quiet!"

My sisters and I closed our mouths and saw her walking towards the focus of the argument. She was shaking.

"What happened, Helena".

I cursed the world in my head, praying that Piper was more comprehensive or for a miracle; what happened first.

"I was here, doing drugs," she recognized, shedding a tear, "Paige came in and she saw me. She sat, telling me that this was wrong and that I should stop. I was about to take the syringe out when Prue came in. She yelled at us, Phoebe tried to stop the fight. Here we are now".

Helena couldn't stop sobbing and was trying to breath in the middle of her cries. I was nervous: if Piper thought that she was being a bad influence or my Grandmother did, all hopes were dead.

And buried.

"Is that true?," she asked us.

The three of us nodded and Piper took the syringe: full. There was the proof.

"I'm proud of you," she told her, hugging her tight.

Prue widened her eyes, Paige smiled big and I was surprised as Helena and my big sister.

"Why?, How?," she asked, still shaking with her voice trembling.

"Because you heard and were wise," replied Piper with the typical sweet Halliwell's smile.

"What the hell is wrong with you?," asked Prue, with the typical hysterical Halliwell's temper.

"I can't ignore her attempts!," she answered.

They started arguing. Paige was trying to make Prue see that she wasn't going to end up like them, Piper to ask her to be nicer and she, to them to be smarter and not as naïve as me.

"You know what?," I told them, sick of the argument and sad; they had always been close and didn't use to fight...I was destroying them too, "I'm done with this. Thank you Paige, Piper, for trying to help but with this nazi we won't get anything. I'm out of here," I said taking Helena's hand and going downstairs.

I found the others listening in the second floor and made them follow me; I didn't want to give Piper or Paige the chance to catch me in my way.

"What happened?," asked Ruby.

I said nothing and Helena couldn't stop crying. I just took the jackets from the rack and handed one to each; I didn't care if were Piper's, Paige's, Gram's or Prue's: San Francisco was cold, and they weren't to get sick just because.

I surprised myself thinking as a mother protecting her kids.

"I'm sorry," was telling me Helena, crying, as we were walking to the corner of the block.

"Don't be," I said with seriousness, thinking about where to go and what to do next; what to tell Grams? Where were we going to sleep? Those were some of my mental questions but I couldn't listen to them because my friend's cry was louder.

"I didn't, I couldn't...," she tried to explain herself.

"Don't be," I insisted, turning back to her to take her by the shoulders, "I understand how it feels".

"What is your grandma going to think now?," she asked frustrated, I had never seen her so out of control and had never thought about seeing her like this.

Ever.

"I don't know," I said with tears in my eyes, furious after the stupid argument. The situation. Prue. Myself. Helena's mistake.

"What's wrong?," asked Cole, when we turned in the corner to go down street.

"What are you doing here?," asked Ruby almost screaming with a hand over her chest.

"You scared me!," complained Gisselle, imitating Ruby.

I had to admit that he made me jump too, but I was more curious about his presence and more stressed about the past scene than scared.

"I was waiting...maybe on midnight...they'd be sleeping...," he said and I saw him blushing,

The first time I had seen him blushing.

"I wanted to see you," he added looking at me.

He looked so nice and cute with his beautiful face red. I released Helena, pretending kissing him and hugging him, but someone didn't let me and moved faster.

"I screwed everything up," said Helena running to his arms, as he hugged her lovingly.

"Why you say that?," asked Cole, concerned: he was as surprised as me at her reaction.

"They saw her..., you know, heroin...," said Gisselle playing with her feet.

"I tried...," she sobbed, curling her hands on his shirt.

"I know," he said kissing her forehead, hugging her tighter and rocking her slowly.

I could't say I wasn't a bit, little, almost nothing but still, jealous...but she was our friend, I couldn't start imagining things that weren't there: she was the future godmother of my baby, and he, he was the father of the baby.

I had to behave.

I had to bit my tongue and repeat to myself that I had to trust them; they were friends a lot of time before we had met.

"There was a fight, Phoebe decided to leave," explained Gisselle.

"You can't leave the house like this," he told us, frowning, "least you," added looking at me, not sweetly nor shy this time, but lecturing me, "It's late, you have no idea what kind of freak, criminal or lunatic is out".

"Is only eight," said Ruby, raising an eyebrow.

"You're out," said Gisselle, leaving Ruby's commentary out of the talk.

I giggled. I couldn't help but laugh whenever someone scolded me, least if someone had a smart response to say.

"She's right, I could say the same," I replied.

"Not funny, not at all. You shouldn't be outside," he said, caressing Helena's hair who was now more tranquil, "I brought you something," explained me, showing me the little bag he had in his left hand I hadn't noticed before.

"What is this?," I asked curiously, trying to catch the bag but he didn't let me.

"I only going to give this to you if you promise that you won't do this again, that you're going back home as soon as you have it and that you're going to be more responsible," he said and I hated the tone of voice he used, but I wanted to see what was inside the bag so bad.

"Promised, now give it to me," I asked and I saw him smiling at me; I was childish.

"I hope you like it. It took me a while choosing the perfect thing..."

My heart bounced at that. If a few months ago someone had appeared and told me that this was going to happen, that Cole was going to give me a present and that he was going to "hope that I liked it" because "it took him a while choosing the perfect thing" I wouldn't have believed their words. That's why I opened the bag slowly, and took the wrapped in pink present from the inside with a huge smile in my face. I opened it quickly, I had always loved gifts, and this one...was the best one.

"Cole...," I said and my eyes watered.

"I wanted to give our baby its first present...," he smiled shyly

"What is it?," asked Ruby, trying to spy over my shoulder. Gisselle stood in front of me and Helena turned her head to see; not separating from Cole.

I didn't try wiping my tears because I'd have no use; I was too excited, sensitive and emotional, more than before. I took the soft beautiful teddy bear from the package and showed it to them. It was the typical bear, but to me was the most special one: it was our baby's first Teddy bear given to it by his dad.

His dad.

My little one had a father. The best father it could ever had.

"Hey, what's shinning?," asked Gisselle, taking with her fingers a little chain around the stuffed animal's neck.

"Something for the mother...," coughed Cole, taking a golden chain from his neck showing me the little P on it.

I took the chain of the bear and I could recognize a beautiful C of Cole.

"You're too sweet for your own good," I told him with my face wet and my eyes dropping tears. Helena released him and held the present for me.

He hugged me and kissed my cheek before taking my face in his hands to kiss me. I stood on my toes to reach his mouth and he leaned to help me. In that moment the girls weren't there to us, it was only Cole, our baby and me. No one else. There wasn't Prue, there wasn't Piper, there wasn't Paige.

"Phoebe!," I heard, and my eyes widened at noticing that there was still a Grams.


	13. Not anymore

**Just wanted to dedicate this chapter to ****RodeKnop. Say thanks to all the people who takes the time to leave a rr, and to the ones who doesn't but read :)**

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**Chapter twelve: Not anymore.**

"Leave my sister alone!," I heard Prue's voice. The next thing I saw was her pulling him away and punching him in the stomach.

"Cole!," I yelled watching him shrinking, trying to pretend that she hadn't hurt him but I knew she did.

"Cole?", asked Piper, "Why you know his name?," she insisted.

"Oh my God, are you crazy?", I yelled Prue, standing in front of Cole in my attempt of protecting him from them.

"Who the hell is this man?," asked Paige nervously, and I could see in her eyes that this time, she wasn't going to support me.

I stopped breathing at the question. I was nervous and scared, why did she ask me that? Well, the question was stupid: she asked me that because they all saw me kissing him in the middle of the street. I couldn't lie to them, or it would be too obvious...and maybe it was time to speak up.

Just maybe.

My family stared at me with concerned faces; I couldn't see the other's expressions because they were behind me. I wish I could look in his eyes, and though I couldn't, I knew he was supporting me.

"He is Cole and I know his name because...," I swallowed, took a breath and just spit it, "because he is my boyfriend".

I stopped listening to the music of the house next to us, because the only thing I could hear was my heart beating and the sounds that my sisters were emitting.

The silence of my Grandmother.

"Your what?," yelled Piper, pulling her hair.

She had lost her last piece of faith in me.

As Paige.

Two in a row.

I couldn't resist this.

Prue clenched her fits and approached to us, trying to get Cole...or his jugular. Yes, his jugular sounded more Pru-ish.

"Stop!," I demanded her trying to avoid her to kill him, making her back up a bit, "Go," I asked him, not turning back, still staring at my big sister.

"No," he said from my back, pulling my from my waist, making my confidence and trust in him stronger.

Grams made a groan of pain and led her hand to her chest. I saw her going down to the floor slowly, pressing her eyelids.

Things started to go in slow motion.

I couldn't hear any voice, although all of them were screaming and moving around. I stood in my place: that was happening because of me. It was my fault.

If Grams died, it was going to be my fault.

Piper tried to held her, sitting on the floor and behind her, as Paige took her hand asking her to calm down. Prue took her phone to call for an ambulance or anything that could take her to an hospital soon, but Grams whispered a _no_. After saving her phone in her pocket, Prue bent down and asked my sisters to help her to move her in. They tried, but they were too nervous and although Grams wasn't fat or big, they hadn't the strength to lift her up.

"Let me help," asked Cole running to them, releasing me before and it was hard letting him go: I was almost glued to his touch.

"Stay away!," barked Prue almost biting him.

"You can't move her alone, let him help," I asked her, waking up from my astonishment.

Piper took Prue's arm, and she recognized we were right. Once inside, Paige brought Grams some tea and Piper sat next to her. I couldn't believe that I was awake and all this was happening; but the worst was yet to come.

"How old is he?," asked Prue, looking at him with hatred in her eyes.

"You should go," I told Cole, supporting my hands over his strong chest.

"I'm twenty-eight," he replied as clear as he could, ignoring my plea.

He also knew that this was the moment.

"Bastard!," yelled Prue trying to get him and Paige almost dropped the cup of tea.

"Stop," asked Piper, stopping Prue in her way, "Grams is sick and you all should respect that, if you can't do it just leave," she told us in a low voice to not disturb our grandmother but really, really pissed and mad at us.

With no differences.

"He is the only one sick," said Prue looking at Cole with deep hatred.

"Phoebe, please, ask this gentleman to leave the house. I'm sure he understands that something between you both is a mistake, and that this is only a misunderstanding," said Piper, coldly.

"You heard, leave now," ordered Prue.

"Phoebe," begged Paige, "If you wanted to break the rules and prove us how rebel you are, you did it. Now please, break up with this man and put an endpoint to the problem".

I felt the world's pressure over my shoulders. I had to tell them the truth and I had to tell them now. But how? I knew it was easy _Family, I'm pregnant _not that hard to think...but a lot hard to say.

"I can't," I said pursing my lips.

I couldn't feel worse.

"Why not?," asked Grams, and the others tried to ask her to relax. But she didn't listen to them: she wanted to know, she was staring at me with a really hard expression and her eyes almost dead.

She was disappointed.

"Because...he is my boyfriend and I love him," I said, regretting my decision and changing the sentence in the last minute.

"Please," complained Grams, loosing her nerves. "Mister, I'm going to pretend you didn't know that my granddaughter is only seventeen and that now that you know it, you'll think about what's right and wrong and will let her live her life as all teenager should".

"I can't leave her".

Ok, kill me now! Kill me now, please, now, now, now!

"If you don't I promise I'll make you die in jail! Immoral! How you dare to come here, tell us you're with my little sister and then say you won't leave her alone?," warned him Prue, making her best to not yell at hem, only to not disturb Grams.

We didn't move.

Not an inch.

"I ne...," tried to say Cole, but she interrupted him, again.

Why in the world she didn't let him talk? She was the only one talking in the room! I was getting angrier and angrier. I had came here scared as hell and now, she was making me see why I used to go out, to drink, to escape from this house. Why I used to feel uncomfortable, alone, misplaced, not good enough; I wasn't saying that that I had became this monster was her fault, but she was one of the reasons I didn't feel strong to change: all the time saying I was a waste, never spending a single second to try to understand, like Piper...but...I had been so mean to her, taking advantage of her patience and giving her a nephew or niece in reward.

"Don't say I didn't give you a chance: I'm going to make you die, reborn and die again in jail!"

And that, was all what I needed to give her a punch in the face...that I didn't give her, of course.

Well, not that "of course" but she was my sister and Grams was sick...I had to behave, a little...

"He can't go!," I insisted, trying to resist the nerves and the dizziness, holding his hand. He tangled his fingers with mine, "You can't make him die in jail or anything like that."

"Are you sure?," asked Prue standing from her seat, "Give me a good reason of why I can't not put this pedophile bastard behind the bars forever! I'm pretty sure you've any! And if you have, you know what? I'm going to do it anyhow, I don't care if you hate me until the end of the days but if you can't see what's good for you I'll have to make you".

"Okay, that seems perfect to me," I shrugged, and my friends exchanged gazes of concern, "but you'll be the one who will have to take your nephew to see his father in jail and explain him that if he's behind the bars is because you put him there".

Silence.

The only thing I could hear, was silence: deep, scary, awkward.

Gisselle, Helena and Ruby closed their eyes, thinking what they had told us yesterday:_ when you tell them, you're dead_. Then Gisselle had added_ "super dead"_. Paige widened her eyes in disbelief and Prue made of face of question mark, big, big question mark, leaving her anger aside for a second, in shock.

"What did you say, Phoebe?," asked Piper, and I saw tears in her eyes, in denial.

Ok, that was a good question: if I had stabbed Piper times ago, now I had stabbed her right in her heart and ripped it off. What had I said? How did I say it? Nervous, I was nervous...and, I couldn't help and be ironic in such an important moment! Great Phoebe, just great!

Just great.

But at least I said it...right?

I sighed and closed my eyes for a second.

"I'm pregnant and the _bastard_ is the father of my child, of your nephew," I added, looking at all my sisters, but specially Prue, "Your great grandchild," I finished with almost no voice in that sentence...I didn't want to hurt Grams, but it was a little too late to think about it.

It was done.

I had said it.

I had told them the truth, and I had no idea what was next. I took a deep breath, again, and straightened my back, getting closer to Cole.

Said that, Paige closed her eyes and sat on the floor, shocked. Prue reacted and now was furious, so much, she was even crying of rage and Piper...she hadn't the chance to cry or yell because Gram's cry was louder and acute.

"No!"

That...I felt that as if it was penetrating every single pore of my body. As fire. As cold, icy fire. I felt her pain, I felt all her hopes breaking in thousand of pieces and they were also breaking in me. My knees couldn't resist my weight, and if it wasn't for Cole, I'd had ended up on the floor.

He held me in his embrace, protecting my body with his right arm and head with his left hand, staring at my Grams who was breathing heavily, agitated and with her eyes red.

As mine.

"Oh my God!," shouted Gisselle, jumping for the end of the stairs to the sofa, "We need to take her to the hospital now!"

"Don't try to distract us!," yelled Prue, and if she could have killed her with those words, she would had.

"She is not," said Piper, "Prue, she's having an attack", she replied with her voice shacking.

I can't remember very well how, because I was repeating to myself that all was my fault and I deserved dying in the slowest way and most painfully too. Once there, we took a seat in the waiting room. Prue, Piper and Paige sat in the left line of chairs, Helena, Gisselle, Ruby, Cole and I in the right side: with our backs opposite to the other line.

Not facing the other side.

_The other side. _That sounded like _the enemy's side_. Like a little war, the same I had in my heart right now...how easy would be going to the first floor and ask for the name of a doctor who could make me an abortion?

How easy would be acting as the coward, irresponsible and selfish Phoebe?

"Shhh...," I heard Cole whispering in my hear, and I nodded, cuddling.

I had to stop thinking like that, but...was responsible having the baby? Or wasn't? Was responsible not having the baby? What was responsible? What was better, or at least good? What if having it was the selfish and wrong decision? What if...

He took my free hand in his, and I let all those thoughts fly away when we saw the doctor coming in.

"How is she?," asked Prue; her line was just in front of the boxes.

Her line. I can't believe that she's in _one line _and I'm in _another different totally opposite _line.

"She is fine. She's going to be fine, it wasn't a heart attack, but almost".

"I want to see her," said Piper sobbing. Only now I could notice that she had been sobbing the whole time.

"She can't have any strong emotions," he warned us .

"She already did," I recognized staring at the floor.

"Don't you even try to see her," growled Prue, "Piper, Paige, go inside. I'm going to watch these people".

"We're not these people. I'm not these people: I'm your sister," I told Prue.

"Not anymore".

That was another pain straight to my heart: I wasn't her sister anymore. Why? I wonder if...if Cole was my age, or if I wasn't the bitch I am...would have she forgiven me? This wasn't because I was pregnant...or, was it? Why she hated me so much! Why everyone I got to love ended up hating me? Leaving me?

Forgetting about me.

After that, knowing that I always managed to kill people's feeling for me in one way or another...was a good idea having the baby? Was a good idea having Cole? Was a good idea being alive?

I tried to hug him. I felt so weak and nervous, and I had to think about my little one: it needed peace and love, no hate and disaster. Not what I was giving to it, but Cole but he made me stay away, just in case. I believe.

I hope.

"Do it," said Prue, "If you want to fuck her right here and right now, you can do it. I don't care".

She turned her back to me and left the place to meet the others. I made a groan of pain, of disbelief. She was telling him that he could do whatever he wanted with me because I didn't worth it: she didn't care. Not anymore, because I wasn't her sister.

I had lost her.

This time for real, this time forever.

"Don't listen," he asked me, and hugged me by his own will.

"She's right," I told him, shacking in his arms, "She's right".

"She's not ri...," he tried to say.

"She is and you know it!," I shouted, pushing him away, standing from my chair.

Gisselle approached and hugged me, not saying a word.

Later the same day, or night, Grams was allowed to go back home. Cole left. It took me a while convencing him that I wasn't going to kill myself, stop eating or cry the whole night, for the baby's sake, and mine too...and although I don't really care about me, I cared about the little thing.

"If anything gets to happen, if you need something," he said caressing my face with sadness in his blue eyes.

"I'll call," I promised kissing him quickly, not in the mood.

"I love you," he said taking my head in his hands, making me look into his eyes.

"I love you too," I said smiling, only to make him feel less worried.

I sighed embracing myself, watching him leaving in a very slow walk. I was afraid: if he turned back, I promised that I was going to start crying insanely until next year.

"They're coming," said a voice that I could recognize as Paige's.

I nodded sadly, the others were a little away from me. I had asked them to, I didn't want Prue attacking them or any kind of mistreat from anyone to them.

"I'm sorry," she told me hugging me thight.

I didn't know how to take that, what did she mean? Was she sorry about what happened? About the pregnancy? About that I had been given birth alive and not dead instead?

She separated from me and we didn't say anything. Piper and Prue appeared with Grams and a nurse.

"Be careful," asked Piper to Prue, who helped the nurse to sit Grams in the car.

"Let me help," I asked her.

Prue gave me the look. I backed off.

"Stay away. They never taught you in school that a pregnant woman shouldn't make big efforts?," commented with sarcasm, stressing the words s_chool, woman _and _pregnant._

She had said it directly, but diplomatically at the same time. I felt her words as a kick in my ribs. I hadn't finished school, I wasn't a woman yet...but I was pregnant.

I turned to see Grams, waiting for her typicall _Prudence _or something like that, but the only thing I got was a broken heart.

"Darling, please. Let Prue do the things," she replied not even looking at me.

That _darling _sounded so cold, so foreign to her that for a moment I felt it as if she was saying that I wasn't her granddaughter anymore, as Prue said that I wasn't her sister.

I saw the three of my sisters, or two because I wasn't Prue's sister anymore, helping Grams.

"We...are going to take the bus, there's no space for all," said Helena, speaking to I don't know who, "If you still want us at the manor".

Prue didn't reply, she just sat in the driver's seat. Paige had no idea what to say, she looked at me as if she missed me a lot, as she hasn't seen my in years, but at the same time, she didn't want to approach. She was afraid of me.

She was afraid of having me back again only to lose me...we were so close when we were little. I can remember all the afternoons we spent playing to draw mom in our notebooks...because we couldn't remember about her. Piper and Prue could, they had some stories even but we...we had only our imagination and the conviction that, if we really believed, we could make our fantasies true in our heads.

But that was in the past.

We had never told anybody about that...we just, lost that costume one day growing up, and it was better not doing it again, because if we tried we would have to split mom in two to write our opinions about this topic, because we would never get to an agreement as before: Paige's mom would have killed me for this, and my mom...well, she would have killed me too. Maybe it could work again, if we tried...

"No. Wait for me here. I'll pick you up," said Piper motherly, but when her eyes positioned on me, her expression changed to a sad one.

I tried to go inside the car, but she stopped me.

"Wait for me," she repeated with a hand over my shoulder, not looking at my face, but to somewhere else.

I heard the last door of the car closing. I had to see them leaving without me...making me apart of them and part of the group of strangers in their lives.


	14. Confessions of a real Halliwell

**Chapter thirteen: Confessions of a real Halliwell.**

My clock was stucked in 6.43, its battery died. I had no idea what time was but I hadn't slept in the whole night...crying. I knew I had promised Cole that I wasn't going to kill myself, cry nor stop eating, but I couldn't help it: my family hated me, this time I wasn't overreacting.

"I wish they could see that we're not the same person," I told to my baby, caressing my belly, "You don't deserve their hate. I know you're going to be smart and good, that you're going to have a bright future and a sweet life: I swear that your father and I are going to be there in every step to make that come true. I don't want you to be like us, your parents...I wish they get to see that someday. They can hate me, they've good reasons, but I hope they don't hate you too...they'd be messing the greatest human being ever".

I was expecting it to move, or anything, like in the movies when the mother is in the deepest depression and the baby kicks: but it didn't. I guess that I had to wait a little more. Talking about that, how far along I was?

I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling. If I made some calculations...I had been at home for almost four weeks? I had found out at least two months before, that meant that I was at the end of the first trimester or the beginning of the second. The baby would be here in a blink of an eye, and while other couples and mothers in the world would be starting to buy some stuff and decorate the nursery, I was here, in the middle of a chaos.

"At least I'm not in Africa," I said to myself, thinking about all the poor kids, newborns, women, pregnant women, mothers, and people in the world, because Africa wasn't the only place on Earth where people starved, "At least I have a home...or had?," I said getting up from my bed.

I walked to the mirror and I could see in my imagination, Cole hugging me. I remembered our first and last talk in my room...I needed to know what had happened with his family, but, what if was better not hearing a word about it?

"Where's Nancy Drew when you need her?," I snorted.

I wiped the trace of tears on my cheeks, I didn't want to go downstairs and that the others knew that I had been crying, so I had to wait a little until my eyes lost their red color. Why to leave my room? It wasn't that I wanted to, but I had to take care of my friends, otherwise they would spend the whole day locked in the attic without eating...and I had promised Cole that I was going to eat. So, a few minutes later -that I spent thinking about a million ways to defend myself, or Cole, or the girls- I went upstairs for the last ones. When I entered the room, it was empty. I thought the worse, so I went down as fast as I could not running, breathing again when I saw sitting on the table; sure Piper asked them to go down and have some breakfast.

When I walked in, Prue made a face of disgust as she was going to throw up and Paige just looked at me with a non judgmental expression, but not a smile.

The only one that spoke to me was Piper, really nervous.

"You want some cof...no, you can't have coffee, milk?"

I wanted to say no, but the baby had any fault in this, and she was trying. I was not expecting that...but she was Piper, always forgiving and trying to keep things calmed.

"It would be nice, thank you".

I owed her a lot.

Prue stood up with a big cup of coffee in her hands and walked by, ignoring me, leaving the kitchen to her room. It was hard to see that she was drinking in peace with the _lesbian drugaddicts_ but as soon she saw me, she could't stand my presence and left.

I sighed and sat, receiving the cup of milk from Piper's hands.

"Thank you," I said, staring at the food with nausea. My friends looked at me with a _drink it anyway _face.

"You're welcome," she whispered, watching our grandmother walking to the table, "Grams please, go back to your bed," she asked taking her hand, "I'll bring you breakfast".

"I'm good physically, Piper. A little tired perhaps, but I can stand and make my own tea," she said patting her cheek.

"And emotionally?," I asked her as soon as I thought it: thinking more about it would have made me close my mouth.

Grams didn't reply and I bit my lip.

"I know you're mad at me, that you hate me and I promise I understand but...," I started to say, almost desperate, but she turned back shaking her head slowly, going upstairs again, "Grams!," I asked her making a pot, as when I was little and got lost in the street or the mall, "Grams, please...," I begged going to the end of the stairs, but she didn't stop walking.

"Piper, my dear. I'm going to listen to your advice," she whispered, getting lost in the corridor of the second floor.

My tears began to fall down my face again. She hated me. She hated me.

"Don't cry," asked me Gisselle from her seat, not moving because Paige was hugging me already.

"I always thought she had no faith in me," I told them, "And that I was, somehow, making her see that I wasn't a bad person but... I killed all my chances".

My little sister led me to my chair and handed me the cup of milk. I started drinking, but my sobs were getting louder.

"I'm sorry, I really am...," I said drinking more, by inertia, trying to fill with that the big hole I had in my heart.

"Crying won't solve anything, what's done is done," told me Paige with seriousness, "if they think that stop talking to you or insulting you will change the facts, they're wrong. I won't do that, Phoebe, but I won't lie and tell you that I'm proud or I support what you did".

I hugged her back, thankful for her honesty until an arcade made me cover my mouth with my hand and run as fast as I could to the bathroom.

Stupid morning sickness.

I vomited the milk, I vomited gastric acid, I vomited pain. I was sad, I felt horrible and my elbows supported on the toilet were shaking. Piper appeared, taking my hair in her hands.

"Ready?," asked me when I stopped, as I heard the others talking about making me some tea and giving me crackers, what made me start again, "No," she sighed.

I started coughing and I had nothing else inside of my stomach.

"Thanks," I muttered, standing from the floor with her help.

I drank some water from the tap and cleaned my face, it was hot, but I felt cold. Helena handed me a towel.

"Thanks," I said again, feeling embarrassed; I hated all the attention and help I was getting.

I walked to the kitchen again, but Paige made me a gesture with her hand.

"Go to your room, I'll bring you this," she said showing me the tea and the crackers.

I nodded, I didn't want to throw up again so I didn't pay attention to the food.

"Paige, sweetie, it's late. Get ready for school," said Piper to our little sister, taking the plate and cup in her hands.

"Prue is gone," she replied making a grimace, "Nice day to walk".

"No, take my car," told her Piper.

"What about you?," asked Paige, excited about the idea of driving, although our sister's car was almost trash.

"I'm not going to school today," she said as I was leaned over the wall with a hand covering my eyes. A headache was killing me.

They exchanged a few more words; Piper explained to Paige that she was staying to take care of Grams and I, and our little sister thanked her for the car. Then, Gisselle offered to clean the bathroom for us and I went upstairs followed by Piper.

"You don't have to do this, I know you hate me too," I told her when I got under the sheets, holding my head between my hands.

"I don't hate you," she said softly, putting the plate over my lap.

"I didn't mean to...," I tried to explain.

"I know," she interrupted, "now sit and eat. I'm glad you aren't bulimic".

"But you would have preferred that to this, wouldn't you?"

"I wish I could answer that question. But I don't know".

I didn't want to cry, I didn't deserve her pity after all my lies and stupidities, but my tears didn't agree with me and started flowing again.

"Eat. Then sleep a bit, you seem tired...," she said cleaning my tears with her thumb.

"I'm tired of screwing everything," I admitted, "I'm tired of being a waste, crap, trash, one disappoint after another...now I understand why they called me Freebie".

"No...don't say that," she asked me, leaving the plate on the little table next to my bed, "You're nothing of that. You're a lot of positive things, you're a really good person but you're too busy trying to like others and screwing things because of that, to notice," she said lying next to me, resting my head over her chest, "Phoebe...I don't really know what to feel after all the Cole boyfriend and the baby thing...I'm not happy, not at all...but...I strongly believe that we made the worst decision ever sending you to the center and I know that you weren't a drug addict back then".

"You do?," I asked her, surprised.

"Yes. I never thought you were...I should have heard my intuition, and avoid it. But I didn't. I'm not saying that we are guilty and you a victim, because that's not true," she continued, "but that if we want to make a good woman with a future out of you, a mother...," she added swallowing, "we'll need to learn to listen and try to understand".

"You always did".

"No. I tried to pretend that nothing was happening, that's not the same".

"Don't blame yourself".

"I'm not. I'm just trying to find a way to fix this".

"You can't fix me. Is too late," I sobbed.

"No, but I can hep you to fix yourself, and never is too late to do that," she told me kissing my forehead.

"How can I thank you?, Why do you still believe in me?"

"Try as hard as you can. And because you're my sister, it doesn't matter what happens in the way".

"I still am?," I asked her childish, feeling hope, "Prue said..."

"I know what she said. I agree in some of the things she has been saying, but not a 100% and not in the _not my sister anymore. _But you need to know that she loves you and she's hurt. You'll see she's going to come back to you before you notice...we both know how is she, showing a hard face made of iron and coffee," she joked and I giggled, "when at the end, she's twice more sensitive than you and I together".

"You're right," I nodded.

"Ok, now that the tears are solved or in their way...," she said stretching her arm to take the plate with crackers, "Eat".

"Thank you for being my mom all these years," I told her, blowing my nose with the tissues she handed me, "and for giving us all a chance when...it was easier kicking us out," I added, talking about my friends with the last sentence.

"Eat," she repeated, taking one, "here comes the plane".

"Oh no Piper! that's not for me, it's for the baby," I said laughing at that.

"Don't push it," she said, "I'm here but I haven't overcame the...well, you know".

"Ok, ok, I won't".

After eating I went to the kitchen to leave the cup and plate. Then I thought about _washing the_ _dishes_ instead of _leaving them there_, as I used to.

"Maturity, Phoebe?," I asked myself, lifting up my sleeves to start, until I heard some steps going upstairs.

I looked through the window of the kitchen and saw Andy's car in front of the Manor. I had even forgotten that he was dating Prue again. I said again because they had stopped seeing each other after high school and he had come back a few months ago...a week before I was sent to rehab. I recalled that, when they were teenagers and she sneaked him to her bedroom, I used to come to the kitchen and spy them from the grate, in those times of youth and innocence when I could hear noises not understanding what they meant until I did my own kind of them.

Gross.

I shook my head, trying not to think about them in that activity and I listening to them while they were in the activity, although, thinking it twice, I used to get bored when they started because I couldn't listen words and all the gossips I wanted to know about so I used to go back to my room and do something else.

"Now I know the reason of all my sexuality issues," I joked to myself.

I bent down, as when I was ten until I turned twelve, now that my belly still let me do those kind of movements. I waited a few minutes until I heard the first voice.

"She's ruining her life, she ruined her life!," complained Prue, and I guessed that they had been talking about this on the phone, because she didn't say hello or anything, just started.

"Prue, I think you're overreacting," he told her really calmed; yes, he had been listening to her before and had managed to relax and try to make her stop thinking about how to kill me.

"I'm not! She's seventeen, Andy, seventeen!"

"Weren't we her age when it happened to us?"

I widened my eyes and got closer to the grate. Prue? Pregnant? When, how, what, why? Why I had never heard about that? Or did I and I can't remember? What happened? Where's the baby?

"This is not the same," she complained.

"You know it is".

"It isn't. She is pregnant, I wasn't, it was only a big huge scare that taught us a great lesson".

I sighed and sat in the floor leaning over the wall. Now I understood, what a fool I was, what was I thinking? That Prue had a baby and made it disappear magically or had it locked in her closet?

"I know, but you thought you were. Can't you remember how helpless we felt? We were so scared, how do you think she feels?," asked Andy, and that made me think that I owed him a big thank you...in secret, I couldn't tell him that I used to spy him.

"She feels nothing, Andy. She only cares about herself and, Come on! we were the same age! This guy is ten years older!, Can't you see how wrong is this? You're cop for God's sake!"

"You know she is scared. We all know Phoebe, she might be irresponsible and all what you want, but not heartless. And I might be a cop, but I'm also your boyfriend. I know this family since I was a little boy...I shouldn't be saying this, but it's better giving them a shot...she's not a bad person".

"I know she isn't," she said and my hear bounced in joy, "but I don't trust him. If he did what he did with her, Will she tell us that was only one time? Do you really believe he's going to stay? If he had no common sense and slept with the irresponsible she is, knowing that she is a teenager, why should I believe that he's going to take part of all this? I should send him to Alcatraz or Guantanamo! If I had any hopes in Phoebe, this proves that I never had them".

Prue was so damn confusing! First she says I'm not a bad person, then she says she can't trust me. What? Can't she just take a side and stay there? I sighed, resigned...anyway she was right but I knew Cole. He had the chance to leave, and he came for me.

For us.

"You're too exalted," said Andy, "Let's take a ride".

"I'm not exalted," she complained, "but if you can take me out of here, I'm in".

I couldn't hear any other voice after that. I rubbed my face and stood up. I remembered that I was here to wash the dishes, but I had no energy now...and I had to go upstairs to check on the girls and teach them some physics. I left the kitchen really confused about what I had heard.

"Hi," said Andy when we met in the bottom of the stairs.

I waved and tried to escape. I didn't know why, but I felt...ashamed? People was starting to know about me, my pregnancy and Cole...and somehow, well, I was in love and I loved my baby but...I knew I wasn't a good example or had anything to be proud of.

"Pheebs," I heard them as I felt him grabbing my arm softly, "Is nice to see you".

I turned back slowly and I could see his sweet smile. It felt good.

"Is nice to see you too," I replied, and he pulled me closer to give me a hug, one of those only a man can give you, made of concern and old friendship.

"Phoebe, I know that sometimes I'm like the brother you never wanted...," he said kissing my forehead as I shook my head to tell him that he wasn't right in that.

"I thought you hated me too...part of the family, part of the Phoebe haters," I sobbed. This sudden show of love was making me feel vulnerable and weak, but strong at the same time.

"Hey, they don't hate you...they're just, worried...I don't approve what you did, but it's done." he explained to me, and I really felt that I needed my father...he had never been here for me, but a girl can tell when she needs a dad in her life...when she has been looking for his love in every single man she had met, when she feels this embrace from a friend and listen to his wise words, pretending for a moment, twisted moment, that is her father telling her that he's there if she needs.

"How many times I have to say that I'm sorry?," I asked him, biting my lip, feeling his shirt wet from my tears, "If I could do something, anything to change it...," I began, but then, I realized that if I had the chance to change this...would I? Wouldn't I? I'm not sure.

I don't know.

"There's nothing to change" he told me, separating from me and taking my chin tenderly, "Phoebe...things stopped being about you or the others from the day you started carrying this new life," he added, touching my belly and I felt weird, in a future, when my pregnancy showed, everyone would do it, "Now is time for you to take the control of your life, for the baby".

"Why are you so sure that I'm going to keep the baby?," I asked him, a little bitter.

"Because I know you," he whispered, "I love Prue, but I know how hard she is. I really hope that the relationship between you and the father works out, for the best, but I also know men Phoebe and I don't want to scare you, and I know it's going to sound macho, but you have to be ready: if he decides that he wants to go, and leave you alone here with your child, you've to be strong enough to go on and stand in your own feet. You took a decision, you have now to take all the responsibilities it brings, and you have to promise that it doesn't matter what happens, you won't let the pressure or the people bring you down. You can do it, don't take a bad decision that you're going to regret later".

"Maybe I'm taking a bad decision now," I said.

"Listen: stop thinking about the others. You've been always trying to call people's attention to feel loved, to find a place, doing what others think is cool to prove them and yourself that you also are, that you're a rebel," he said directly, "but you are not. You only want the same we all want: love, family, happiness. That's why you feel so lost because you're playing a game that isn't yours. The only advice I can give you, because I know you listen to all but follow any, is that thinking about an abortion won't make you happy or take this situation away. Running away, either alone or with him or with your friends won't take your pain away. You can take this as a curse or a blessing...it's up to you what to do now".

"Thank you Andy," I said, feeling a chill running through my body. It was hard to believe that a guy that hadn't spent with me more than three minutes in five years would know me so much, understand me more than anyone around, "I wish Grams was like you".

"You're welcome Pheebs," he said kissing my cheeck as a goodbye, "Go and talk to her, I know she's scary...she scares me too," he giggled, "she's going to listen, she always do at the end".

The stairs cracked and I turned back only to see Prue with her hands on her hips, staring at Andy.

"Let's go," she demanded, making us apart with her hands before reaching the first floor, "What are you doing in the stairs? I said let's go," she repeated, ignoring me.

Andy looked at me making a grimace.

"Gotta go now," he said giving his last three steps out of the stairs, "oh, and you better stop having sex with the..."

"Andrew!," yelled Prue, scandalized at that.

"I meant, sexual intercourse," he corrected with a serious voice, as he was a doctor in science.

"TRUDEAU!," yelled Prue again with her face red of blushing.

I had to cover my mouth with my hand, but it was obvious that I was laughing at that. Truth be told: I was embarrassed, but the way he said it sounded funny and Prue's face was priceless, but she didn't find it funny and left the manor protesting and slamming the door.

"You rock," I told him.

"However, I'm serious. Wait until you turn eighteen, or you can give him more troubles than the ones he already has".

"Prue is pissed".

"I know...but I'll find a way to make her smile".

"You better do, she's turning on the car," I warned him; I could tell by the sound of the motor.

Andy didn't say a word and ran to the street. I got closer to the window and saw him asking Prue to open the passenger's door. She said no, he begged hitting the window with his hands, and at the end, she let him hop in leaving the neighborhood with Andy and the car.

I sat on the sofa thinking about the talk with my sister's boyfriend.

_They don't hate you. They're worried...I don't approve what you did, but it's done...__things stopped being about you... is time for you to take the control of your life...__you won't let the pressure or the people bring you down...don't take a bad decision...__You've been always trying to call attention to feel loved, to find a place, prove that you're a rebel, when you're not...abortion won't make you happy. Running away won't take your pain away...curse or blessing...it's up to you what to do now..._

He was right. He had made a summary of my life in a few lines. I have been always seeking for love and a family, and I always had it, but I was too busy pretending that I was so special and nobody understood.

How wrong I was.

I wouldn't let anyone bring me down, starting for myself: I was taking control of my life and going upstairs to talk with grams, because _she's going to listen, she always do at the end. _Because I wasn't aborting this mission as I always did, I wasn't going to run away as I always did. I was going to take this as a blessing, because now I had all the ingredients to build my happiness.

"Can we talk?," I asked Grams, entering her room.

She was on her bed reading a book peacefully: sadly I came in to break her little heaven. Her calmed face changed, now her eyebrows made her face show anger, but her eyes were still sad.

"What were you thinking?," she asked me immediately, closing her book and leaving it over the table, "Why you did it Phoebe?, Do you feel ready to have a kid, really? Do you?"

I didn't expect that question so fast, but I guessed she had been thinking about it a while ago, and what confirmed it was that she was reading the book backwards: in other words, not reading at all.

"I was in love," I replied, looking at my feet, ashamed, feeling tears coming back again. All my courage from a minutes ago had left me as soon as I heard her voice.

"You were in love?," she asked back, sarcastic, "Is that your answer? Is that why you got pregnant with that..."

She didn't finish her sentence, biting her tongue: she didn't swear. She took a deep breath trying to calm down. Her eyes were watering, mixture of rage and sadness.

Impotence.

I closed my eyes and sighed: I had to take control, this wasn't about me anymore.

Not only me.

I sat next to her, I knew she wasn't going to ask me to leave.

"I am in love," I whispered taking her hands, she didn't look at me, "Listen, when you sent me to the center I was sad and mad at you because you never believed in my words".

"Oh don't play with that! How many times have you lied to me?," she asked this time, looking in my eyes.

I couldn't stand staring at her disappointment and the way she was looking at me, so I changed my gaze of place.

"This time was something important, not a simple _I went to school _when I hadn't gone!," I yelled.

Grams didn't reply to that. I kept talking.

"You sent me to a place in where I was scared all the freaking time!," I stopped yelling, she was sick. I started speaking slowly, "There were all kind of people. No security, nothing running well. I was afraid, ok? Yes, the fearless rebel Phoebe was dying of fear. And was only there when I tried drugs. I met Cole because he was friend of the girls. He didn't talk to me, he was cold and bitter, but he started to get closer to me when I started doing drugs, and you know why?: because he was trying to help me. Because he didn't want me to be the same person he and the others were. Because he believed in me".

"You needed a man to tell you you were strong?," she interrupted me, "You needed a total stranger to tell you something I have been telling you since you were born?," she insisted, offended and hurt, "You needed a man, Phoebe, a man! And you let him cheat on you! You know how they're. You know you they're are, can't you remember about your father?"

I didn't know if she knew that that was a weak point to me. But it was, like a big red dot in my chest leading the bullet released for her mouth.

"Why can't you see that I'm not like you?," I asked her, holding my tears, "I'm not strong as you. I'm not brave as Prue. I'm not smart as Piper. I'm not talented as Paige".

"Feeling pity for yourself? Nice move," she told me coldly.

"You think the same, don't pretend you don't," I answered, "And I thought I had no way to deserve my last name, my roots. Until today. I decided to come here and face you, to tell you the truth".

"For once," she smirked.

"For once," I assured.

"I was weak," I continued, "So weak. That weak that one day, one of Cole's roommates tried to rape me. I'm sure I would had let him do it, because I didn't have an apex of pride, of self-esteem," I told her, and only now I could feel the importance of what had happened back then, of what I felt that day when Giovani attacked me in the hallway, "but Cole saved me, not only that night, several times of different kind of demons, mostly my own demons".

Gramm's burlesque smile disappeared, she was worried, and worse: she didn't know if she could believe me or not.

"I fell in love, he tried to keep me away because it was wrong to the world's eyes but he was in love too...and it happened," I muttered the last part, touching my belly without shame, "When we were hostages he was all the time taking care of me. The day you went for me he didn't say goodbye because he wanted me to be free, to live my life...but he didn't know I was pregnant. As soon as he knew, he came back. The rest...you know it".

"Why you never told me about that when I went to see you?," she asked horrified, referring to Giovani.

I didn't know why, but that question made me want to kill her. Was she serious?

"Because I was mad at you!," I shouted, losing control and standing up from the bed,"Cause I hated you and hated Prue!, and hated Piper!, and hated Paige! Because you betrayed me at my eyes!, because I was dying alone there and you here thinking I was the worst thing in the world!"

I wiped the tears rolling down my cheek. Grams was in silence. Guilty silence. She had seen me making a scene a lot of time before, but not one like this. Not a honest scene, not telling her all what I never tell her.

"Because I loved you so much and you didn't believe that I had done nothing when I told you I hadn't!, Because you believed the words of the principal and not mine, because the what she told you was what Todd had told her! A LIE! He had told her that I was in drugs and I forced him to do it on her desk because I was high, that it wasn't his fault and that was what she told you, didn't she!," I shouted, "I know it because he himself told me that. He's a horrible lier! His story so absurd! And, and you didn't want to believe me".

"Todd?," she asked me concerned, "Todd said that?"

I nodded with rage, I was angry and hurt after recalling all those things in just ten minutes. It was the first time that I opened up to her, that I blamed her, that I hated her freely for having sent me there.

"How many times I told you he wasn't your friend, that he was never going to make you his girlfriend?," she made me see, "How many times you said you didn't care? That at least he would never betray you? That he was the only one that understood you?"

I shook my head. I had said that, several times...because I always deleted from my memory the pig he was, leaving only the scenes in where I felt part of a something and not alone. She was trying to tell me that the same was happening with Cole, though she didn't know him, but I did: I wasn't deleting anything from my memory. He was perfect the way he was, I was perfect to him the way I was and together, we were real.

"I know I had lied many times," I kept talking, sitting down again, "I know that I kept lying after, about the girls, about the bulimia to hide them and my baby. But I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want to hide anything nor anyone. I didn't think before, is true, but now I am. I was in love, that's why I did it, for the first time I did what I truly felt and now that the others told me it'd be cool to do. I didn't try prove anyone anything, I only listened to my heart. To my inner self. I made a mistake, I was wrong and I assume that. I made a mistake," I repeated, "It was my fault. I had never said this before, I had never accepted a mistake before...and that makes me think that I'm ready to have this little thing. With or without your help, although I really need your help, to work along with you in this...because I don't want to lose who always has been my mother, specially now, when I need to learn from the best to turn into one, at least a ten percent of the great mother you've been to me".

Gramms hugged me tight and I snuggled. Our tears mixed. Hers and mine. Happiness, sadness, anger, emotion. She repeated _My little Phoebe_, she repeated_ I'm sorry_, she repeated_ I love you._ I repeated the same, but lower.

"You'll have my help," she whispered, "It doesn't matter how many times you let me down, I'll always be here for you. But don't ask me not to cry or to feel hurt whenever you do it".

"I won't do it again, I swear".

"Let's do this together. This is...not the end of the world, only...a baby, How dangerous can it be?," she asked me and I shivered a litte, "I know you're going to do your best, and beyond. At the end a Halliwell is a Halliwell and under any circumstance, this family must stay together.

"Can I stay with you?," I asked with my baby voice.

"Get under the sheets, I don't want you to catch cold," she told me, wrapping me in her arms kissing my head.

I closed my eyes, resting my head over her chest. I felt so good; I was, at last, feeling like a real Halliwell: strong, brave, part of the crew. I smiled and she stroke my hair as I began to fell asleep. I thought about Cole. I wondered if he would become a one Halliwell someday...then, I decided to sleep and enjoy the moment: I was going to leave that problem for tomorrow.

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**Wow, this was a long, long, long chapter! and I'm almost sure that I won't get a review lol**

**Hope you liked it!**


	15. I don't trust him

**He...he...hello...helllo kids *super shy voice* IM SORRY! I have been so so so so so busy and had a lot of bad luck! spent some days at the hospital (nothing serious but I lost a lot of stuff at school so I'm still trying to finish all the tests and homework I haven't done), the day I had time to write power went off, then my dad took my computer cause he needed it...and...so on. I found some time days ago to write for my "We all were going to be queens" fic (that's Charmed also, Mature content also...well, you can go and see if you like) and now, after receiving a review made some time to write a chapter of this fic.**

**I hope you like it and I wanted to tell you, if I still have readers, that I didn't forget about any of my fics and I'm going to finish them all sooner or later. Thank you :)**

**PS: The same goes to the people I read! I promise I'm going to catch up soon.**

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**Chapter fifteen: I don't trust him**

Two days later I was at the door ready to go to the doctor. Grams was going with me and I was waiting for Cole: he said that he was coming today and I want him to join us.

"Let's go," she said approaching, taking her purse and keys.

"We can't yet," I told her, trying to find Cole with my gaze but he wasn't here.

"Why not?," she asked, "Are you feeling well?"

"Yes, I am," I said standing on my toes to try to see if he was in the corner or something, a little anxious.

"What are you doing?," she asked worried.

"I'm waiting," I replied as if it was obvious, turning back to look at her.

"What are you waiting, Phoebe," she inquired with a serious face, crossing her arms.

I felt small, in trouble, but I didn't let her intimidate me; she said she was with me, she promised that she wasn't going to leave me and isn't that I want to take advantage of her love but she has to understand that I created a family and even though she doesn't like it, it's real and important to us three.

"I'm waiting for Cole, Gramms," I said finally, pretending that I didn't care about her opinion about the topic to show more relaxed, altough I was really nervous. I didn't get why they hated him. Well, I did, but that wasn't the point. Hell it is the point! It is the main point, and I couldn't say I didn't agree with them because if Cole was expecting a baby with Paige or Piper, even with Prue, I'd be waiting with a knife to rip his heart off slowly.

Or something that's a little lower and they, men, use as brain most part of the time.

As soon as I said that, my friends that were coming downstairs turned on their heels and got back to the second floor to escape the drama, but I knew they were listening anyway.

Cowards.

My grandmother massaged her temples with her fingers and shook her head.

"I can't believe it" she complained, "You must to be kidding".

"I'm not kidding," I replied with my hands on my hips, in response to her temple massaging, "He is the fath..."

"Don't finish that sentence!," she stopped me, poiting me with her index.

I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes as the time I responded.

"I know you hate the idea bad whether you like it or not, the truth is that Cole Turner is the father of this child," I looked at her again, a little arrogant, "We can't change that. That isn't how all this reproduction thing works," I insisted getting irritated at her attitude.

"Don't play smart with me young lady. If someone taught you about all the _reproduction thing,_" she scolded me, bending her index and middle fingers as quotation marks, "Was me. So don't pretend you know more than anyone else and I was born yesterday, insolent".

"So you understand that he's the dad," I insisted upset. I hated when people treated me as a little girl. I wasn't a little girl anymore, couldn't they see that? I was going to become a mother, I wasn't for that kind of reprimands.

Grams stared at me, like a forewarn.

"But we can forget it, or pretend we do," she insisted grabbing my arm tight, as pissed as I was, "Now let's go, is getting late".

"I said I was waiting for Cole," I argued whining, releasing from her grab.

"Stop behaving as a little brat Phoebe Halliwell!," she yelled at me, throwing her hands, "I don't trust the guy, I dissaprove him. I don't care if he's the father or not. He is an irresponsible for both: sleeping with you and impregnate you. A child having a child!," she snorted patting her forehead and shaking her head.

"You can't forbid me seeing him!," I exploded on the edge of tears; darn hormones! I hated them too, I hated everyone right now. Why she didn't understand that she couldn't make us appart? Least now? Why did she want a broken family when I could have a normal one for the first time in my life? Or well, as normal as my situation with Cole was.

"I didn't say that, but thank you, you gave me a great idea," she told me bitterly.

"Grams!," I complained kicking the floor, furious. She wasn't serious, she couldn't be serious!

"I can and I will".

As I heard her serious voice, I knew that my tantrum wasn't causing any effect on her. She was still serious and strong in her point, and I getting more and more afraid of her decision.

"Now move. We need to go to the doctor and see what you have to do for the life you're carrying. You better haven't done anything dangerous for the baby's sake".

And that, was the straw that broke the camel.

"Who do you think I am?," I yelled cleaning some tears with the edge of my sleeve, "I would never hurt my baby! EVER!"

"You did it already," she said with venom, and still disappointed, "Having it with a drug addict and with only seventeen. What kind of life you want to give your child with those records Phoebe?"

I closed my mouth. She was right. I had ruined my heir's life before it had born. She was right. It was true that he was the father, but also that the father was as irresponsable as I was and he wasn't here yet...he was supposed to be at the door twenty minutes ago and he wasn't anywhere near.

I looked at my feet, ashamed, but still too proud to assume that I thought the same, painfully but still.

"I'm sorry," said Gramms with sadness, "I couldn't do anything for you to avoid this, but I won't let that the same happens to the baby".

I nodded. She was sorry for the situation no for having yelled at me.

"I can change," I whispered, "I am..."

"Prove it and start by doing what is right for this baby, no what you want to do. That's being a mother, an adult. Sometimes we have to renounce to what we want to protect our children. Dreams, love, life...," she said looking at the floor, "But at the end of the day, when you see that the person for who you gave all what you are have become a human being that you couldn't be prouder of, you know that it worth it," she smiled at a picture of Prue with her University diploma in her hands, "I don't know what happened with you in the way," she sighed, "But I know that isn't too late to fix it, what doesn't mean that I'm going to give you the slighest chance to play or experiment with your child's life, to ruin it as you did with your first seventeen years".

At this point my eyes were red, but my breath still normal. I was crying in silence. I had received thousand of arrows straight to my heart, one after another and all of them digging slowly. She had done a lot for us since our mother's death and my father's abandonment, sacrified so many things for our sake. Prue had paid in retribution. She was now a professional, she had finished when I was at the center and now she had a boyfriend that we all loved and knew that was the best party to her. Piper was in the same way, while Paige had given up to mine and got back to hers that was immediately after theirs.

I was the only one failure.

And maybe she was right, maybe with me, the only destiny my baby would have was the same hell my life was. Maybe I had to listen this time, not for me, for my child life and sake.

Listen, as I should have the first time she said I couldn't go to Rick's Gittridge, the leader of our gang, party because she didn't trust him. I went. I escaped the first time that day, mad at her and how unfair she was since Prue could go wherever she wanted in her own car and I couldn't go to an innofensive party.

Wrong decision.

_Music was loud and I could see people everywhere. It was only eleven pm, but there was a group of people drunk already. I approached to the door of the house, something was telling me that I shouldn't go inside but another part of me was asking me to do it. I had to prove Gramms that I wasn't a little girl anymore, that I was fifteen already and knew how and what to do._

_I was the smartest, the greatest._

_The foolest._

_I walked in taking a deep breath. I found people dancing, one girl with a lot of boys around and one boy with a lot of girls too. Afraid as I was I found a familiar face: Todd Marks._

_"Hey there!," he said, making me take a sit next to him, holding a glass of something in his hand._

_"Hey," I replied, smiling nervously. I liked this guy, a lot, but I knew that Paula was trying to get him and she had more chances since she was a really popular cheerleader and I was only me._

_"Hey," he said again, before he left the glass over the table and put one of his hands around the back of my head and the other on my left hip before kissing me on the lips._

_I widened my eyes as he made me lie down in the couch as his tongue started to try to make mine move at his rhythm. I complained, but I was too nervous to do something and...I liked him. I liked him a lot and when I realized, the hand that was on my neck was now sliding down my cleavage and the one in my hip, was unzipping my jeans._

_"Todd," I gasped, "Todd..."_

_"Shhh...," he asked me, placing a finger on my lips, "I like you a lot Phoebe, but I was always too scared to tell you"._

_My heart bounced. I felt exactly the same and I smiled._

_"You too but...," I insisted when his hand tried to pull down my panties and I stopped him with my hand, softly._

_"But what?," he whispered in my ear. I could smell alcohol, he was drunk._

_But I didn't care._

_Music was louder and louder, I was cold sweating. I was nervous. I felt happy but it was scary to...to do what he wanted to do. I had never done it, but he was saying that he had always liked me...and his eyes were so charming and the way he was touching me...I was excited I couldn't lie, but the bulge in his pants made me want to cry, I had heard that the first time hurt._

_"I have never...," I tried to tell him, ashamed. It was really embarrassing telling him that. I knew that a lot of girls of my grade had already done it, I didn't want to look like a baby to him._

_He smiled and kissed my ear lobe._

_"My neither," he said and his warm breath made me shake under his body._

Later I found out that it was a lie. That he had, with Paula, a few weeks ago but they didn't start dating until a few months later my first time with him; but in that moment, at that age and with my personality I found his confession the sweetest and most honest on Earth.

_"You're good babe," he said just after cumming and then, he zipped his jeans to lie next to me._

_I was still with my clothes on, so I just pulled dowm my shirt to cover my breasts and zipped my skirt, I had no idea where the hell my paties ended up, but the skirt worked to cover my body. I nodded and swallowed, I felt so bad after what I had done. My crotch felt like burning after having him inside and I felt dirty after receiving him in me._

_"Are you crying?," he asked a little concerned, he was really drunk and I blame alcohol for turning him into a jerk, when in real life he wasn't._

_But I had chosen wrong._

_I shook my head and sat. He sat next to me, really close._

_"Hey, it's ok, don't cry," he asked me, hugging me softly, "We're grown up, you shouldn't be ashamed"._

_I sobbed and hid my face on his chest. I did feel ashamed. I felt so disgusted, because I had given him my first time and my love and he...he wasn't going to remember about it tomorrow because he was here but he wasn't. I was only an affair, a one-night thing._

_"Take, this is gonna make you feel better," he told me handing me his glass, "Take a sip"._

_I separated from him and stared. I felt like dying of shame, and if he said that he was going to help..._

_I stretched my arm and took the glass. I knew I hand't to do it because I had already made a mistake listening to him, but it was late: I only wanted to die, lock myself in my room forever. My heart was broken, I had betrayed myself and I didn't want to feel that way anymore._

_"You want more?," he asked me when I drank the whole glass in just one sip._

_He tried to serve me another glass, but I took the bottle and drank from it. He stood up and went for more, he took like twenty minutes and when he came back, he tried to refill my glass._

_"I don't need your help," I said bitterly, I had no idea what I had drank but it was way too strong, it was already going to my head._

_I stood to go somewhere else, home maybe, but suddenly a wave of hate and exasperation overcame me and I ran to him. I took his face in my hands and kissed him as I myself took my shirt off._

_"Let's go upstairs," I told him when he tried to sat me on the couch again, "This is going to be a long night for us"._

That night, I lost two things: my virginity and my common sense.

That night, Todd and I became closer. Under sunlight, in school, we were friends and still behaved. At nights, at parties, we were a couple of animals who didn't care about any kind of consequence or feelings. Soon, Rick and Todd became friends and that influenced us both. He used to give us "very funny" ideas we used to accomplish for him, like the stink bomb we made explode once. Then ge got a target, a person that was easy to play tricks on: Ramona.

Then I became this.

Todd began to date Paula, but he never stopped sleeping with me. We were friends, confidents...but one day things changed. I don't know how, but we turned from happy friends and sort of rebel teenagers, into bitter and black people. He got in drugs with Rick, and with every hour my self steem died a little more, to the point that if I was friend of them, or part of the gang to be more especific, just because I had no one else to be because everyone at school hated me and, with Todd...whenever I was with him, making love or having sex, no, no love: sex, I recalled that space of time in where we had spent time together because we really liked eachother.

I would like to know where or when that died, because that day was when Freebie was born and brought me here. That's how Todd and I ended up having sex on the principal's desk and they expelled me. That's why I ended up at the center and now I'm here, crying at the door of the Manor because my grandmother is right about everything. And why at the door? Because I have to go to the doctor because I am pregnant.

All started that night, when I was fifteen and I had never imagined that things were going to end like this.

If only I knew...

"Go and wash your face, hurry up," asked me Grams.

I nodded and slammed the door of the bathroom. I leaned my back on the door and took a deep breath before looking at the mirror. I saw a girl, an average girl. I didn't see my piercings, I didn't see my eyes dark or my clothing revealing my body. I didn't see my hair over my face. I saw a pony tail, a nice purple top with no cleavage and my eyes red for crying. This time I wasn't crying over people mocking or because I hated myself, I was crying because I had recognized a lot of mistakes I have done and didn't want to do again.

Because what was hurting this time was growing up to become a better person.

I smiled, I had hope. I had hope! I wasn't going to lose that hope, and yes, Grams was right because I did a lot of stupid things in the past but that didn't mean that I couldn't change. I had to prove her that I can. I proved her that I could be a horrible person in the past, now I can prove her that I can make her proud.

"And you too...," I whispered touching my belly, "I'm not that person anymore".

I washed my face with cold water and left the bathroom. Grams was talking to a plant that she had watered meanwhile.

"Ready," I told her without an apex of hate or anger.

We left the house and I closed the door gently. Sun was shinning, flowers everywhere and some kids of the neighboors playing outside. It was a wonderful day, and watching a mother teaching her baby girl how to walk made me feel the urge of having mine in my arms already. I take it as a good sing.

"Sweetheart, please, guide me," asked me Grams.

I saw her turning on the car and going in reverse to leave the parking lot. When Grams was ready to drive out of the neighborhood, I walked towards to hop in, until I saw the most beautiful eyes in the word walking quickly to my door.

"Cole!," I shouted smiling as big as I could, running fast to join him, "You came!," I celebrated hugging him sweetly. I needed his hug, I was dying for his protection. I knew that he had to come because he had promised it: because he was trying as hard as I was, all for our little one.

"Of course I did, I said I was," he responded kissing my forehead, a little uncomfortable for all the contact.

"I'm sorry, I forgot," I told him, recalling he wasn't used to be sweet and tender, so I tried to separate from him.

"Don't," he asked me, "I want to try. I need to learn to show how much I love you," he smiled touching the tip of my nose with his index.

"Phoebe," I heard the severe voice of my grandmother who had slammed the door of the car and was walking to us.

"Damn," I muttered, turning to her holding hands with Cole.

"Good af...," tried to say Cole, but Gramm's face made him shut up as soon as he opened his mouth.

"I thought I had told you that I didn't want you close to my granddaughter, didn't I mister?," she asked grabbing my arm.

"I told you he is the father of my child and the love of my life, didn't I?," I complained, taking my arm off her grab.

"Don't talk back to me, insolent," she told me angrily, "And you, don't you feel any shame at coming here and stare at me with that face of _I did nothing_after you actually owe me that I didn't send you to jail forever?"

Cole swallowed, I heard, and I got angrier than before. She couldn't talk to him like that, he was doing a lot to change and be the person we needed him to be and she was trying to make him go! I wasn't going to let her nor anyone separate my baby from his father. I don't want that story to happen again.

"He has nothing to be ashamed of," I said, "And if..."

"Easy," he told me, taking me by my shoulders, "I can leave. I don't want to bother anyone," he said talking to gramms.

"Cole!," I complained.

"See? At the first problem he runs off. I told you that you shouldn't trust him," she told me, pulling me away from his touch. This time I let her, "Thank you sir, at last you made my grandaughter wake up to reality and helped me to show her that this relationship has no future or make sense at all".

"I didn't say that," he deffended himself, "If I said I can go is because I don't want to cause Phoebe any trouble or stress".

"You don't?," she smirked, "Too late mister, you should have thought about that before you got her pregnant and avoid her to have to go to an appointmet with the doctor to see how is a baby doing, that we're going to miss if we don't go now".

"Enough! You now what? I'm going nowhere," I told her angry, "Unless you accept him and that he's part of the family now".

"That's not going to happen Phoebe Halliwell. You didn't hear to all what I told you only twenty minutes ago?," she scolded me.

"You sure?," I teased, ignoring her. Yes I had, but that had nothing to do with this, "Well, in that case if you don't want to see us togheter, you won't have to," I told her walking back to Cole, "I'm leaving. If you don't accept him, I leave with him and will never come back".

Grams crossed her arms and stared at us. The moment was tense, real tense and I only wanted Cole to take my hand and leave, but he didn't. The opposite, he untangled our hands.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "You won't come with me".

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**This is only the first part of the chapter. I'm going to write the second part soon, I'm busy so I just wrote a half I hope you forgive me! Gonna try to finish what's on my to do list so I can write the second part. Love you people! Dont' forget to review what you like and what you don't so I can learn and improve :) Thank you!**

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**RodeKnop: **Hi sweetie! well she had too! but I guess Grams is still somewhat pissed, though she had her reasons *cof* *cof*. About Cole, let's see what happens in the next chapter, I also love him! but it's kind of hard write about him when it's all Phoebe's point of view and he lives somewhere else :(

**Kt: **Hey! you're the responsible that I had written this chapter within 24 hours and updated, leaving my homework behind lol hahha so thank you! I hope you liked this and to read your review soon :)


	16. Seventeen weeks

**Reviews made me feel hunger of more reviews, so here you've people!**

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**Chapter sixteen: Seventeen weeks.**

I felt a chill going through my spine. Then I semi turned back, incredulous. I blinked several times, not able to comprehend his words.

"Sorry?"

I looked at Grams. She was arms crossed, staring at us. I couldn't tell if she was happy or concerned, only expecting. Cole tried to take my hands but I gave two steps back.

"I said that you won't...," he tried to say, but I stopped him.

"I understood," I cut him sharply, "Why?"

He ran his hand through his hair before responding, but I spoke before him.

"You came here saying that you loved me. You came to say, to say a lot of things I believed," I told him disappointed, but still too shocked to cry.

"Phoebe, listen..."

"No," I shook my head, giving more steps back to approach Grams, "She was right. Prue was right".

I felt the hand of my grandmother taking mine softly. She felt sorry; even though she was trying to make us apart, she couldn't bear seeing how hurtful this was.

"Please," he begged taking my other hand. I tried to release myself from his grab, but he didn't let me. He grabbed my other arm, separating me from Grams and then he took my face in his hands.

I looked away. I heard Grams coughing, but Cole didn't give up.

"I love you, that's why you can't come with me," he started. I wanted to yell at him and hit him too, but a part of me wanted to listen to what he had to say, "If we are going to do this, we need to do it right. Now the one in charge is your grandmother, we like it or not".

I thought that Grams was going to say something or he to talk to her, but no; she kept in silence and he didn't stop looking in my eyes.

"If we want this to work out, we need to do it slow. I want your family to accept us, is not gonna be easy but we can't raise our baby in the middle of a family war. I want to do things right, and letting you make a scene and run away isn't the right thing. You have to listen to your grandmother. I have nowhere to host you, this is the safest place now. I promise I'd love to take you with me, but I wouldn't be nothing but egoist doing so. You understand?," he asked me with a soft voice.

I knew he had a point, a strong point, but I still felt betrayed so I just nodded.

"I know you're mad babe, but don't hate me please. I'm going to come tomorrow and we can talk," I didn't reply, nor moved. He sighed,"Now go. Is late, I love you."

I closed my eyes as he kissed my forehead. Then I turned on my heels and I got in the car followed by Grams. I closed my eyes, upset, supporting my feet on the dashboard with my knees against my chest. I hated that things had to be this way, all because of Prue and Grams. If they didn't hate him so much! We could be together now...

Who am I fooling? They were right, the ones that had made a mistake were us not them.

Fucking morality.

My grandmother turned the car on, but we didn't move. I felt her opening the window, and later I heard her voice.

"What are you waiting for? A cordial invitation from the Queen?," she said to Cole.

I opened just one eye an raised an eyebrow too.

"Really?," I asked her.

"I'm not going to say he's right," she growled, and gave him _the look_, so he knew that he couldn't make her wait any longer and opened the door of the backseat, "Only that I had never seen someone putting you in your place and succeeding," she said ironical, making a grimace when she saw him inside of the car, "Maybe isn't that bad influence," I smiled, and put my feet on the floor, turning to see Cole, "I said maybe," she remarked and then she began to drive, "He's on trial. But at the first..."

"There won't be!," I promised, and if didn't hug her was because she was on the heel, "You heard?," I asked Cole, smiling big.

He nodded in silence. I knew he felt uncomfortable so I didn't push it, just turned on the radio and played drums with my fingers on my tights. I couldn't believe how lucky I was! What Cole had said had worked on Grams! I would have never expected that this scene would happen: ever.

We arrived the doctor's waiting room in silence, and we remained like that until he called me. Grams was scrutinizing Cole, he was still as a rock and I was playing with my feet and flipping through magazines. I was nervous also, but happier than that, and since I had to be as good as I could to have a healthy pregnancy I took the option of enjoying the moment while the other two were in some kind of ritual of Mother-in-law and son-in-law.

Nothing of my business.

Yet.

"That's me," I said when I heard my name and both, Grams and Cole stood up. I walked toward the door, but they didn't follow me too busy staring to each other, "Both of you," I demanded and luckily neither one complained or scolded me for talking to them as if they were little kids.

I'd tell you more about the talk with the doctor, but I don't really think you want to know about my last period and stuff so I'm just going to tell you about the interesting and cute part.

"Okay," said the doctor as I lay on the stretcher with a horrible light blue hospital gown that he lifted up.

Grams looked away for a second and then, after talking to herself muttering, got her gaze back to me, biting her lips. Cole approached and tangled our fingers, caressing my forehead. I threw my head back and smiled to him, showing him all my teeth exaggeratedly and he just made our hand's contact stronger.

"Grams, get closer," I asked her at seeing her so away from us, as I jumped after feeling a wet cold gel over my belly.

"This is going to show us the baby...," said the doctor, and I made a gesture with my free hand to ask Grams to approach, but she didn't.

I felt sad about it, a little hollow in my chest because of that but I let it go: it was the best. Maybe it was only Cole's presence, or that it was still to hard to her accept that I was pregnant. If she needed time, I had to give her time. I sighed and Cole stroke my hand with his thumb.

In a few minutes the screen let us see a lot of yellow figures we couldn't recognize at the first sight, but when the monitor stabilized my eyes widened in disbelief: there, in front of me -or inside of me- was the baby, the new life that Cole and I had created with so much love and commitment. There was the prove that we wasn't as bad as we thought, that if we could make something as wonderful as the little thing we were seeing, meant that there was still hope.

"Oh my God," I whispered, covering my mouth with the hand Grams didn't take, turning my had to stare at her and Cole at the same time, "Are you watching?," I asked, as the doctor moved the transducer to catch his or her little face.

Cole didn't say a word. He was speechless, like lost in his own world, a world made of him and the monitor and no one else. I saw his mouth a little open, and his eyes crossing the monitor over and over.

I smiled, that image...I will never forget this day and this moment: ever.

The doctor was talking but I wasn't listening, or well I was, but I was also too distracted staring at my baby moving and hiding from the camera, even to notice that now Grams was just next to me with her face covered with tears of emotion. I could see little feet and hands, and the nose was so tiny! Maybe the shape of his or her face is going to be like Cole's. I wish our child inherits his eyes...This moment was wonderful, the best moment I had experienced in my life and I can't wait to have the baby in my arms, to sing lullabies and even change diapers. To do it with him, to discuss who is going to get up in the middle of the night, to see him sleeping with our baby on his chest...

"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?," doctor asked us, and was then when we all woke up from our fantasies.

"Is that possible so early?", asked Cole, speaking for the first time.

"Isn't so early," I said, and then I remembered that I had no much idea about babies and maybe I was wrong, "Is it?"

"Seventeen weeks is enough, and I already know it," shrugged the doctor, "almost 99% sure".

"So what do you think?," I asked both of my relatives.

My man nodded energetically and Grams smiled to try to stop crying, but it didn't work: on the contrary, her tears were unstoppable.

"Okay, spit it," I said happily, although nervous: what would it be?

"Phoebe...," warned Grams.

Doctor laughed and Cole was almost strangulating my hand with his nervousness.

"I meant, please, tell us," I corrected myself, rolling my eyes.

"Congratulations, Halliwell Family," said the doctor, shaking Cole's hand, "it's a girl".

"Great!," I celebrated immediately, making a fist: a girl is what I always had dreamed with, of course that if he had told us that I was going to have a boy I wouldn't have cried or wished to be dead, but a girl was just wonderful to me. I imagined my friend's faces when I tell them! Gisselle was going to make her beautiful dresses I knew! and my sisters, I was sure that they were going to love the idea since this family is most likely to be a family of matriarchs.

The only face I didn't see smiling was Cole's.

"Hey," I asked him when I tried to see an smile in his face but couldn't find it, "You wanted a boy?," I asked complicated at his sad face.

He shook his head and released my hand. His eyes were watered, his mind in the past: now I understood, he was thinking about his first daughter.

Grams stared at him with a curious face, but she forgot about him quickly and started to make questions to the doctor and asking him to tell me what I had or hand't to do because she said that if she told me, I wasn't going to listen.

I felt really bad about Cole, but I could do nothing to help. He hadn't told me anything about his family, but now that we were allowed to hang out I was going to make him talk: I was going to help him, no one would stop me in that. Neither the same Cole.

"She's here...," I tried to tell him, to make him get back to focus in our daughter. Knowing him as I knew him, I was sure that he was going to regret depressing instead of watching his little girl.

"Can we take a copy of the picture or something?," Cole asked.

"A DVD," responded the doctor.

When I dressed again and we were out of the building, Cole addressed to Grams before leaving.

"Thank you for the opportunity. I swear that I'm going to do anything to prove you that I love Phoebe and our daughter more than my own life".

"I hope to see that gentleman, because I'm not willing to allow you to play with my family. Understood?"

Cole nodded and I hugged him. Grams got in the car and left us alone for a second.

"Thank you," I told him kissing him in the lips.

"Thank you," he said, "Thank you for my daughter..."

"Let me help you," I told him caressing his cheek, "I told you that you're not alone in this. If you want her back..."

"I have to go now Phoebe, but I'm going to visit you tomorrow".

"Okay," I sighed, "Whatever you want. But talk to me, remember, I only want the best for you. You know that, right?"

Cole nodded and kissed me before stroking my belly. We held hands on the way to the car.

"Good night," was the last thing he said before getting lost in the crowd.

"Good night...," I whispered.

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**Ta...dan? **

_Review(s) response(s)_ :

**Kt:** Thank YOU for reviewing ! Made me write faster and happy! I hope you liked this chapter and I'd love to hear what you think about it (good and bad, I like critics).

**Pholefan:** Yo! What's this? you here? that deserves a yayyy! updated, so what you expected, girl or boy? lol


	17. Cole's heart

**! boring boring boring but next is gonna be better I believe and I hope. I'm finally school free so I'm gonna here more often :)**

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**Chapter seventeen: Cole's heart.**

Grams turned off the radio as soon as I turned it on. I thought that she wanted to scold me or something, but she was in peace at the moment and was only seeking for a nice talk.

"How do you feel?," she asked me, concentrated in driving as if she were talking about the weather.

"Weird," I confessed, "It's...hard to believe that a baby is inside of me".

"Wait to the day she moves for the first time," she smiled melancholic, "The first time your mother moved when I was expecting her, I freaked out. I was with my mother and she laughed at me because I didn't recognized that it was Patty stretching".

I smiled at that sweet memory, and I could see my grandma's eyes watering.

"I wish she was here too," I said swallowing, "even though she wouldn't be what you call proud of me... I feel, I feel deceiving you all..."

Grams didn't reply to that, she just pursed her lips and we remained quiet the rest of the way home. I couldn't stop thinking about Cole and his daughter, my mom and how a baby kick would feel like. In my head I had a mixture of thoughts, but if I wasn't nervous before I now was at the picture of Prue's car parked in front of the Manor.

"Ask your friends to come downstairs, we need to cook. Dinner won't appear just because," asked me Grams, so I just walked toward the house with a knot in my throat.

"Hello!," I said aloud as soon as I opened the door, finding Prue drinking coffee in the living room with Andy and Piper.

"Hey, is everything okay?," asked my middle sister when she saw the documents from the doctor in my hands.

"Perfect," I smiled touching my belly with pride, "She's doing wonderful. All normal".

"She?," asked Andy, getting a killer glance from Prue.

"She. I'm expecting a little girl!," I celebrated, watching Piper approaching to hug me.

"Congratulations, I'm glad you both are alright".

"Thank you!," I said, forgetting about my fears and enjoying this bit of good attention I was receiving.

"Congrats," added Andy from his chair, "Now I know what to buy for you".

"Medium for me, I'm getting bigger," I told him blowing my cheeks to dramatize, "You won't say anything?," I asked Prue, who was taking another sip.

My sister turned to stare at me, with her cup in her hands. Her face was expressionless, but she blinked twice.

"Yayyy," she faked, then, she stood up and addressed the staircase as my friends came down along Paige.

"Hey you're back!," cheered Gisselle.

"Careful, Godzilla on the way," I smirked referring to Prue, and I got a soft slap from Grams who had heard me.

"Be nice," she warned, taking a seat in the living room as I took the sofa that was in the middle of the room, so whoever that wanted to see the ultrasound could do so.

"Let me see that," asked Paige, rushing to the sofa and grabbing my appreciated envelop of my hands.

"Paige, don't do that, is rude," scolded Piper, rushing too and taking the envelop from her, the same way she did from me.

"Hey!," she complained frowning.

"I'm the big sister, I'd die before than you and don't get to see this," she excused playfully.

I rolled my eyes and Grams giggled as Andy, Gisselle, Ruby and Helena tried to see what both, Piper and Paige had in their hands.

"Oh my God...," sighed Piper, impressed, "I can't believe...this is for real..."

"Your first great grandchild, Grams. Did you expect to live enough to see this live?," asked Paige.

"I hadn't thought about it".

"Great granddaughter," I corrected, "It's a girl".

After saying that, the room began to celebrate my baby's gender. Even though it wasn't a real surprise; boys have not been born into the Halliwell line in the past years. For a moment we forgot about Cole, my age, the economy, my friend's issues, Prue's rage and all what wasn't related to the health and well-being of my daughter.

A long moment.

My three friends decided to cook for us, so we, the family and Andy kept talking about baby things until dinner was ready. Prue didn't come down stairs, so we ate without her. I tried not to think about Cole, but he was my soul-mate, the man I loved and the one for me. We were born to be together, who could I stop thinking about him when he wasn't with me? or even when he was with me? he was in my mind all the time, in my heart, in my soul. He was with me and with our daughter, but...he anyhow managed to be away from us. I had to find out what was Cole's past and also a way to fix his heart, but I didn't know how. Now that I was going to become a mother I could be able to understand what was for Grams losing mom and what was for Cole losing his daughter; I couldn't do anything to help Grams but I could help Cole and I was going to do it.

Paige and Piper washed the dishes, giving me a free day of chores, because I was doing all my chores lately. Surprisingly. Meanwhile Andy was spending time with Prue in her bedroom, Grams went to sleep and I was talking with my girls.

"And then...his eyes watered and all changed," I was telling them, "He was thinking about his daughter and I...I felt so useless I mean, I don't know him. Well I do but I don't, I..."

"We got it," interrupted Ruby.

"What about you?," asked Gisselle looking at Helena.

"I know nothing," she sighed, "I promise. Phoebe, he had never told me anything about his past...the only one who can make him speak up about it, is you".

"Me?," I asked biting my tongue, "What makes you believe that? If he has never told you about..."

"Because he had never had a girlfriend or whatever you both are since I know him. Because he had never hugged somebody, because he has changed. He's changing and that's all because of you. You're the only one who can do something for him, the only one he trusts in," said Helena.

I went to bed thinking about that statement. She was right, he had started to do things and act different all for me...I was lighting his dark life, I was changing him, making him go from bad to good. Making him go from junkie to a father. From a cold bitter person to a loving partner.

I was the chosen one to heal his wounds as he is mine, I don't know how, but I'm going to fix Cole's heart and I don't care if that's the last thing I do in my life.

I will.

* * *

**_Review(s) response(s)_** :

**Pholefan: **Ha, see? I'm good with surprises. Thanks for rr darling!

**It: **Are you IT or KT? Just asking. Hahaha well, the sisters didn't mention Cole so Phoebe saved time, anyway they can't run away from the guy forever, right? Let's see next chap!


	18. Who are you?

**Merry Christmas and a Happy new year to you all!**

* * *

**Chapter eighteen: Who are you?**

I was walking in circles with my cellphone in my hand. It was almost six pm and it hadn't rang.

"Stop, you're making me dizzy," asked me Helena, "I'm trying to finish my History paper".

"Leave her alone, she's nervous," said Gisselle, coloring I don't know what.

"I'm not nervous," I said taking a seat, now playing with my feet.

"Yes you are," said Ruby.

"No, I'm not," I insisted arms crossed, she was starting to annoy me.

"Of course you're", commented Paige, who had just came home from school, "Hey, how you doing little thingy," she said to my belly, caressing without permission.

"Hey, I'm here too," I complained, pulling my shirt down.

"Who cares? There's my niece, she's mine too," she said sticking her tongue to me.

"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes.

"I've to pick Piper up, she got a job interview at the Quake," she said speaking as she walked to the kitchen, coming back with an apple in her mouth, "Wanna?," she asked me.

I looked at the green juicy thing with disgust, and within a second my face turned green also.

"Move!," yelled Ruby, pulling Paige out of my way as I ran to the bathroom to throw up.

I used my hands to hold my hair, I had now a perfect technique, although the nausea was every day lower.

"I'm sorry!," said Paige from the door of the bathroom, "Gotta go! Love you and the baby!," she added before going upstairs to get something.

"Yeah, sorry," I muttered holding my belly with my other hand, "The baby should be sorry, you notice what you're doing to mommy?," I Asked her, washing my mouth.

"Don't blame her, you're giving her a lot of stress," said Ruby standing by the door.

"I'm not," I defended myself, looking at her through the reflection of the mirror.

"Pheebs, don't fool yourself. You're worried because of Cole...," said Helena.

I sighed. Cole had been disappeared. He hadn't showed up for the last three weeks, even though he had called me for a few seconds to ask how I was doing and then to say he didn't know when he was gonna come back. I hadn't seen him since the doctor's appointment.

"I'm not worried," I insisted, making my way to the sofa as Paige closed the door of the Manor to turn on the car and go for Piper to her college.

"Sure?," asked Gisselle.

"Of course. He's away and that makes me sad, but I trust him. Whenever he says he's gonna come back, when he calls almost everyday to ask me how we're doing, I believe him. I'm not scared because I know that's he's gonna come back, sooner or later he will be here with me again. I know that".

"Grams seems pissed at him," said Gisselle, "That's not gonna help when they find out he has another kid besides yours".

"I know," I groaned, palming my face.

"Good way to keep her mind busy and out of stress, Selle," scolded Ruby.

"Sorry".

Helena rolled her eyes when we heard three knocks. My eyes widened and the others frowned, that rhythm...was, was it Cole's?

"I'll go, stay there," said Helena, trying to keep us all calmed and relaxed.

I saw her addressing the hall, and although I really wanted to distract and I did trusted Cole, I also wanted the visitor to be him: I missed him, as never before. The days without him had been horrible. My belly has grown, the baby is getting heavier and I'm now wearing bigger clothes. I have a new ultrasound this week and I really want Cole to go with me...I want to see him watching our little girl moving in the screen, who knows if she decides to make something fun? I've heard that some kids had made symbols with their hands, like the "V" for peace and the thumbs up. Some of them lick their thumbs or play with their umbilical cord...crazy.

"Keep Phoebe from fainting! The prodigal boy is here!," shouted Helena.

My heart began to beat faster and I stood up quickly, but Cole was almost running to me and he hugged me tight when he reached my body. One of his hands went to my waist and the other to the back of my head. His lips straight to mine. I could feel the bittersweet taste of his mouth, glory and hell together, perfect love. He was passionate, he had been missing me as much as I've missed him.

He cut off our kiss sharply and took my head in his hands.

My breath was uneasy, his too. I smiled to him as sweetly and warm as I could, with all the love and hope I felt whenever he was there. He smiled back, his beard was exactly the way I liked.

"Hello, stranger," I whispered.

"Hi," he giggled.

"I missed you...," I said caressing his cheek with the back of my hand, as he put his over mine and made them rest on his face.

"I've missed you too...," he led our hands down his chest until both reached his abdomen, finding mine in the way. He put our hands over my belly.

"She has grown a little bit," I said softly.

"She has".

Cole knelt and stuck his ear to my belly. I didn't know what he was trying to hear or if he did it or not, but he was smiling bigger than at the beginning.

"Daddy is back honey, and he's not gonna leave you never again...," he said to her, pulling my shirt up slowly to kiss my skin.

I was making little curls with my fingers in his short hair, smiling peacefully. I couldn't be happier. I knew he was going to come back, so I wasn't surprised, but he was sweeter than when he left. He was...better than any knight or prince I'd ever dreamed with. He was better than any fantasy, because he was real.

Cole was real.

"He better not," I said wrinkling my nose.

Cole stood up again, pulling me closer. I had to stand on his feet to try to reach him better. The world was in total harmony, until I felt something really strange, a weird sensation I had never felt before.

"Cole...," I muttered widening my eyes. I was feeling a little pressure down my bellybutton, intermittent. It was coming and going really, really soft, but we both could felt it clearly.

"Calm down," he giggled at my face, "She's kicking..."

"She had never kicked before," I said surprised, closing my eyes to try to focus better.

It was like a stitch, very little and gentle but strong enough to be noticeable.

"I'm glad we can share this moment together," he said while his eyes watered and mine were dropping tears already. The little one had, in one way or another, came to make us realize how much we loved each other and that we wouldn't survive in a world without the other by our side.

We remained in that position for a while. Our foreheads were now together, our eyes settled: there was anyone else beside us in the room, or at least we didn't see anyone else because we didn't care about anyone but our daughter saying hello by her kicking. I was so excited, I couldn't wait another minute to meet her and have her in my arms. I wonder if she's gonna have Cole's blue eyes...

"I love you," he said aloud, clear and strong.

"I love you," I repeated kissing his nose.

"I'm glad you're back, because we need to talk," we heard, and then was when we saw Gramms standing next to us with a really serious face, almost killing, dedicated to Cole.

"But...," I attempted to say, trying to avoid a fight, but Grams was decided in whatever she was decided, meanwhile Cole was really calmed and docile.

"Let's talk," he acceded, taking my hand and telling me with no words that I just should close my mouth and let him handle the situation.

"We would like some privacy, girls," asked Grams to my friends. They got the message and immediately left the place, but I didn't move, "Please, take a seat," she asked Cole as we all sat.

I could smell the danger I was breathing. I knew that nothing good would come out of this, and my daughter was kicking a little harder and with no stop; now that she learned how, she was having fun practicing. In not a very good instance.

"Are you ok?," asked me Grams before going to the point.

"She's kicking," I said closing my eyes, "Wanna touch?"

Grams smiled and approached. She put a hand over my belly. The talk delayed a few minutes. Cole, Grams and I were pending of my little one until she stopped kicking after five minutes.

"Now that you're back, I want no more excuses," she said with her typical Penny Halliwell voice, "Speak now or leave this house and never come back. What were you doing away for three weeks? Who is your family?," asked Grams really quietly, "I want to know everything about you, what I should and what I should not. Who are you, Cole Turner?"


	19. Married with a child

**Chapter eighteen: Married with a child.**

I couldn't say that I was surprised, because I wasn't. It was obvious that she had to ask, in fact, she had asked me and I hadn't been able to give her any response because I myself didn't know a lot about him...and that made her even more pissed to Cole. For the last weeks I've only heard her complaining about the "vagabond" I've chosen to be the father of my child and "How in the world..." "What were you thinking..." when I chose him if I knew nothing about his life. Of course she was disappointed, and I could understand but I was sure that he was the best option, the only one. He was the one.

I wanted to make time freeze or something to tell Cole _lie, make up a story_ because I didn't want to make him feel pressured, but Grams wanted the truth and all the truth and right now.

"My name is Cole Benjamin Turner. I'm 28. I was born here, in San Francisco. My father died when I was a newborn. My mother raised me herself".

I looked at him with a sad expression; I didn't know that. I was expecting a smirk or something, at least a sigh, but he was really calmed. He had no trace of sadness; he was using his cold side.

"We haven't spoken since...the day I got admitted to rehab, six years ago... whoa, what a long time if you think about it...," he commented, just realizing that truth.

Grams didn't change her challenging face and with her hand, asked him to go on.

"Why were you in rehab?"

Ok, I knew this one. Well, I didn't, a bit...? The thing was that I knew that he was going to mention his daughter and I had no idea how he was going to react, or Grams. Please mom, help me! I'd really use some support right now, if I'm still your daughter and you're not hating me right now...are you?

"I was because I was in drugs and I couldn't stop, because I didn't want to stop. I had no real reasons to face the world...until now".

I smiled at that from the bottom of my heart. I hugged his arm and leaned my head over his chest. That made me feel more secure, and I'm sure that made him feel better too.

"Why were you in drugs?"

"Grams, don't you think that's enough?" I asked in a conciliatory tone of voice.

"If it was would I have asked?"

I closed my mouth. I looked at Cole, who was still tranquil. I wonder how he does that; in the worst moments, he's always relaxed. He is never hysterical or scared...I wish I was a little more like him at times.

"When I was young, nineteen to be accurate, I married a girl I met in college".

I closed my eyes. He wasn't going to make up any story and the daughter thing was about to pop up. I couldn't let him talk, it wasn't only about Grams and her opinion, it was also about his own mental health. Why to make him recall all his painful memories? It was true that I wanted to know about him really bad, but not at his expense.

"Cole...," I whispered, trying to call his attention, "This isn't necessary..."

"Of course it is," insisted Penny, "Even you don't know this man, and you're planning to open him the doors of this house, the doors of your and my great granddaughter lives".

"If I don't need to know why do you?" I asked sharply. I was angry now, she was about to hurt Cole with her questions and I didn't want that to happen.

"If you know nothing why are you so afraid of letting him talk?" she asked me this time, suspicious.

I didn't know how to reply to that. I just hugged Cole tighter and took his chin to make him look into my eyes.

"Please...," I begged him, "If you don't want..."

"I do," he muttered, "You need to know".

I prepared myself for the worst; I didn't know what was coming. I didn't know if would annoy me, make me sad or freak out. I didn't know if would make me change my opinion about Cole...well, an opinion is an opinion. I was in love and in love with the actual Cole, did really matter whatever he had done in the past? If he had done something bad because I was just supposing things.

"I married Beatriz because she was pregnant".

I had to repress a face palm. Grams expression finally changed to incredulity and stared at me with a furious face.

"Married with a child? Really Phoebe? Really?" she yelled at me, "And you didn't know? You hadn't told her about it?"

"I knew about it," I said swallowing nervously. I was now afraid because she seemed really, really mad at me. I didn't know what to expect, I just backed off a little trying to feel Cole's protection, just in case.

"What? You knew it? What's in your head Phoebe Marie? AIR?" she shouted walking toward us. I put my feet on the couch, trying to hide in Cole's arms now that he was embracing me. Grams looked like a dragon, a very dangerous dragon, "Don't do that! Who do you think I am?" she scolded Cole, making us apart and forcing me to sit down in a sofa behind her, "Leave my house right now. I don't want you to be near this place or my family. Go back to yours, go and raise your daughter and tell your wife the truth and see if they get to forgive you!"

I hugged myself and made a pot, but I didn't cry. I deserved that, because she was right. What kind of person was I? I was destroying a family; I was the lover with the natural kid. I was holding my belly, trying to stay strong. I was destroying his girl's dreams of having her parents together again. She was right. What had I in my head? In what was I thinking? I'm a horrible person. I knew that I was in love, but that didn't give me any right to do what I've done, did it?

I glanced at Cole and Grams, only to see that he was still sitting on the couch peacefully. Why he wasn't moving? Why was he still here? Grams was wondering the same I think, waiting for a response or maybe trying to find her phone in her pocket to call the police. Who knows.

I got chicken skin and reset all my senses when I heard Cole's response, which I certainly never expected to hear.

"They are dead".

* * *

**_Review(s) response(s)_** :

**Pholefan: **No haha he isn't a demon. No magic here...only drama and blah blah blah. Gonna write about demons and stuff, with less tears and drama and more action and bad attempt of romance. Not yet tho. Thanks for reviewing lovely! when are we gonna read more of yours fics?


	20. Inferior

**Chapter twenty: Inferior.**

I turned my head to look at Cole panoramically. What had he said? Had he said that his family was all dead? That there weren't wife and kid? Oh my God, I can't believe this. I was shocked and my stomach was upset. Grams blinked a couple of times and took a seat again. I'm sure she was trying to decide what she had to do, believe him? Not to believe him? Cole meanwhile was quiet, really quiet. He had his hands over his lap and his gaze was busy in a picture of me and my sisters that Grams had taken when I came back from the center.

Pretty picture.

I didn't know what to say, how to keep the talk and neither Grams. I'd like to know what goes through her mind right now, but I was dying to know what was going through Cole's.

"They died seven years ago in an accident. My wife had a lover, much better than me, her words...," he said mechanically, telling his own story as if was someone else's. His coldness didn't stop surprising me, nor scarring me, "He wanted to move to Europe, she wanted to take our daughter with her. She did. I couldn't stop her, I didn't know she was going to take the plane...as soon as I learned what she was going to do I made my way to the airport. But it was too late..."

I stood up from the sofa and tried to hug him, but he didn't let me. Grams didn't stop me, she was just staring at Cole. Both of them were expressionless, they were starting to freak me out. Their mouths were closed, their eyes analyzing each other. No possible sound was heard, even the street had no people walking and no cars. Even the girls weren't whispering about what they've heard, because we all knew that they were spying.

Silence.

"I asked for them in the counter...," he continued, still frozen, barely moving his lips to talk, "She asked me to go to a room where someone told me about the crash ".

"What...what kind...what kind of crash?," I asked Cole, afraid of his response.

He smiled weakly, defeated and looked at me with the saddest face.

"The plane's".

I pressed my eyelids, feeling his pain through his beautiful eyes. I couldn't stand what he was telling us, and he...he was so strong he didn't even, his voice wasn't shaking! His eyes were dry, his hands where quiet. How? Why? What's wrong with this guy? He's talking about his dead daughter for God's sake! Why is he so damn cold?

"Are you happy now?", I asked Grams, standing from the couch frustrated and angry, "What else do you need to know? Ah? Are you finally going to leave him alone?"

She stared at me, confused. I turned back to see Cole.

"I'm sorry for this, I really am, but it hurts me so much to see your face right now. You're trying I know, but you're so cold and so...bitter," I said biting my lip, "You're talking about your family, even I could be more emotional about a dog! You lost your daughter wake up!"

"I know what I lost," he yelled back to me, something I didn't expect, "Don't you try to tell me what I lost because you've no idea. You're only a spoiled girl, you've everything and you've no idea what's losing all what you love. You're trying to compare yourself with me or the girls, but you're not us. I told you the first time I stopped you and I'm going to say it again, for the last time: stay away".

I closed my mouth. I was embarrassed. I was still an inferior being to him, and I couldn't bear that.

"I came to tell you that I was in detox, that's why I wasn't around," he said, changing the topic suddenly, as he didn't care, "I'm clean. I found a job, I needed a job to afford our daughter's needs and I got it. I'm starting tomorrow, early. I've to go now".

He stood up in front of Grams, showing her some respect. Then he walked towards me and kissed my cheek.

"Good night".

I felt the door closing, my mouth was dry. I was feeling the shock, the words were becoming real. Cole's life had been a hell. He had lost a family and now that he was going to have another one he was trying to give his best to protect it. I hadn't to be afraid of his past, but I was still afraid and worried about his psyche. I went upstairs, ignored everyone and shut the door of my room.


	21. One heart

**Chapter twent-one: One heart.**

Cole had left thirty minutes ago and I was dying. I couldn't stop thinking about him leaving this place with my unborn daughter and dying in the way. The ache was indescribable. He needed me now and I was here feeling pity for myself. I took my phone and called him.

"Come here, it's important," I told him nervously.

Within fifteen seconds, Cole was downstairs.

"Are you ok?," he asked me worried, hugging me tight.

"No if you are not".

He stared at me, serious.

"Listen, I know you're used to be alone. I know Beatriz broke your heart, she betrayed you. I wish I could do something, anything to bring your daughter back but I can't. The only thing I know is that you need me now, that we're a family and that we are meant to be together. If I let you go now...that's not what the people that loves you do".

As he didn't say a word, I kept talking.

"I love you Cole, the days in where you were alone are over. We are tw...three now," I smiled gently, "I love you, and your place is with me, with us. Stay with me tonight Cole, don't leave me out of your life. Your pain and your wounds are mine now and I want to be here to heal as much as you allow me..."

Cole smiled warmly and I hugged him as he was a little boy. I closed my eyes when I heard him sobbing and I smiled.

"It's okay babe, I'm right here...forever".

I led him to the sofa and I held him in my arms as he cried in silence. It made me feel good to have him so close, to see that he was willing to open his heart to me, but it didn't mean that it killed me to know that I couldn't do anything to fix his heart completely.

"Phoebe?," I heard my gram's voice asking for me.

"I'm here...," I said aloud but not a lot, I didn't want to awake Cole who had fallen asleep in my arms.

"What are you...," she was going to ask when she saw him, "What is he doing here?"

"I asked him to come. Please, let him stay here tonight".

"Phoebe..."

"Grams, please. I'm afraid this is way too much to him and..."

"Phoebe, you're asking me for another favor when you haven't even told me about his wife and daughter".

"I didn't know, the whole story at least. I'm as shocked as you're. He hadn't tell me and why? because it's too painful for him and I'm his girlfriend, I have to support him".

"He has his own place".

"Grams, he's tired...," I told her very worried, "And he's going to be alone...he has done a lot for me and our baby, why can't I, why shouldn't I do something for him?"

"You're turning this house into a refuge for homeless," she told me, sighing.

"Please," I begged, caressing his face with the back of my hand.

"One night Phoebe, only one," she said, and I know that she acceded just because she felt guilty.

Grams left the living room and went upstairs. I kissed Cole's forehead, I didn't want to wake him up...he was sleeping so peacefully, sound, but if Prue come here tomorrow and sees him here, she's gonna make a scene, and Cole is like a shadow: as soon as he wakes up he is going to leave and I will not notice.

"Cole...," I whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek several times, "Wake up..."

He stretched a bit, but he didn't really move.

"Let's go upstairs, the sofa is too uncomfortable..."

He opened his eyes, his red swollen eyes and I tangled our fingers. I led him to my room and I made him lie down in my bed.

"I should g...," he tried to say.

"Shhh," I asked him, "I told you that I'm not going to let you go, not again".

Cole closed his sleepy eyes, he felt in a safe place, otherwise he wouldn't have. I took his shoes off, his belt, his jeans and his shirt. He just let me do it. I took the shirt of him I had under my pillow and I made him wear it. I turned off the lights.

"Now you're comfy," I told him kissing his lips sweetly.

He wrapped me with his arms, surprising me.

"I thought you were sleeping," I said, outlining his nose with my index finger.

"I don't want you to stay away".

I kissed his forehead, then his eyes, nose and lips again. I didn't reply, I felt that there was nothing I could say to that. He helped me to undress and then I took my pajamas from under my pillow too. My bed was for only one person, but he held me in his embrace, my back to his chest and my head to his shoulders; our hands to my belly.

"Sleep, you have work tomorrow," I said proudly.

"Sleep, I'm going to say goodbye tomorrow. I promise I won't keep you away anymore".

"Don't make me promises," I whispered, "Just act".

He kissed my neck as I cuddled to get him closer, what was technically impossible when two hearts had become one.


	22. Happy birthday

**Chapter twenty-two: Happy birthday.**

I felt a soft and warm sensation in my neck that woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly, only to see him playing with my hair.

"Hey...what a surprise," I said happily, still sleepy.

"I told you that I wasn't leaving without saying goodbye".

"What time is it?," I asked him, rubbing my eyes.

"Six am".

I closed my eyes and hid under the sheets.

"Too early, let's sleep a little more..."

"I have to go..."

"Who needs a job?," I asked him.

"We do," he said, going under the sheets too, staring at me.

I wrinkled my nose and he shook his head playfully.

"Ok, you win...," I surrounded, "If you need a shower, use the first on and ASAP, or Prue is going to kill you. She's going to wake up within the next twelve minutes".

Cole stood up, opened my closet and took a towel. He left my room. I sighed. I wonder how things are going to go now.

"Your father is a case, honey," I told my baby, resting my hands over my belly.

I couldn't stop thinking about his story...depressed me to know all what he had been through, and even though he had no wife anymore and I couldn't stop asking myself what kind of person I was...our relationship began before I knew that, I got pregnant without knowing if he was still married or if he was planning to get Beatriz back.

"Born Freebie, die Freebie...," I complained, hitting the pillow with my fits.

"I have to go now," I heard from the door.

"Good record," I told him, "Only five minutes".

"I don't want to meet with Prue in the corridor, thank you".

I giggled as he dressed up.

"Why are you smiling?," he asked me.

"Why not?," I asked back, stretching, "let's go downstairs," I added when I heard the bathroom's door closing, "You need to have a balanced breakfast".

"I'm late..."

"The first day is an important day," I insisted, holding hands and leading him to the kitchen. He followed me dragging his feet, not really convinced.

"Good morning!," celebrated Gisselle who was preparing breakfast already as Ruby read the newspaper and Helena set the table. They felt like they owed us a lot and helped as much as they could.

"You slept here?," asked Helena smiling at seen us together.

"That's what rumors say," he replied, taking a seat, "Phoebe I'm not sure if..."

"We have around forty minutes, chill out," I replied going to the refrigerator to prepare something quick for him to eat.

"Bully, you should be preparing breakfast for her, she's pregnant," pointed Ruby from her chair, drinking coffee.

"Don't bother, it's an special day and I'm not sick".

"Yeah she's right, you shouldn't be standing so long," he said leading me to a chair.

Helena giggled and I growled.

"Pregnant not sick!"

"Shut up," said Ruby.

I crossed my arms and let Cole prepare his own food with Gisselle's help. When he was done, he kissed my lips and then said.

"Goodbye, I won't come tonight, I've things to do..."

I tried to hide a disappointed face.

"...But don't make plans for tomorrow, we need to celebrate those eighteen and we are going to do it," he finished, lifting my chin with his hand.

"Goodbye," I smiled, excited.

"Goodbye," he waved.

The door of the manor closed at the same time that Prue's feet entered the kitchen followed by Piper's.

"Morning," the eldest said to us, receiving a cup of coffee from Ruby's hands.

"Morning," I said and she ignored me, but nothing could take away my happiness after waking up by Cole's side.

"Hi, how are you feeling? How is the nausea going?," asked me Piper.

"I'm really good Pipe, thank you! Oh, don't talk about that, it hasn't appeared in a while and I hope it won't again".

"Hi people!," said Paige, opening the fridge, "Hey! Phoebe, did you drink all the orange juice again?"

"No, on the table," said Helena.

"You guys are incredible," said my little sister taking a seat.

"And if I did what?," I asked, pretending I was annoyed, "It's all your niece's requirement".

"All for the niece!," she said going to squeeze my cheeks as I tried to escape, but then she knelt on the floor and started rubbing my belly, "Who's the princess of the house?"

"For God's sake," complained Prue leaving the kitchen really upset, and the house.

"Bitter," muttered Ruby.

I tried to distract myself from Prue's attitude as everyone else so we kept in what we were doing.

"Come on Paige! Leave me alone, the baby is tired".

"No, you're jealous because she's prettier than you," she said.

"She has no hair," commented Gisselle.

"I heard they have nails," added Piper.

"Good morning, girls," said the voice of my grandmother. Paige stood up, Ruby left the newspaper over the table, Gisselle broke to eggs on a pan, Helena carried her a cup of tea and Piper stood up to leave her the closest chair to the door.

She was definitely the queen of the manor.

"Good morning, Grams," we said.

"Good morning, Penny," said the others.

"Phoebe, honey, tomorrow is your birthday. What kind of cake would you like me to cook for you?"

The next morning, my family, except Prue, awoke me with a Happy birthday song. The girls prepared the birthday breakfast, Piper and Paige the birthday lunch and Grams the cake so we could have a nice tea in the afternoon.

"Prue brought all the ingredients," told me Grams, "She won't admit it, but I thought you needed to know".

"Take that as her birthday hug," suggested me Paige.

I rolled my eyes.

"Phoebe, I know that Cole invited you to go out and have dinner tonight and I think it's nice of him, but I'd like you to invite him over".

I raised an eyebrow and everyone turned their gazes to her.

"Don't get me wrong, isn't that I don't want you to spend time with him, he's the father of my grand granddaughter and that's the reason of why I would like to have him here tonight. If he is going to be part of this family, he needs to know the family".

"Are you serious, Grams?," I asked her excited.

"I'm never kidding, darling," she said blinking an eye.

"Oh Grams that's awesome!," I jumped, running out of the kitchen and coming back to hug her, "Thank you".

"You're welcome," she said stroking my hair, "But don't you dare to run again! If you fall downstairs it won't be funny, Phoebe Marie!"

I laughed and I went upstairs to call him from my room.

"Cole, you won't believe what happened: Grams just asked me to invite you to come over to the tea. I know we had another plan, but this is important! It means that' she's accepting you and if she does, our life is solved".

He wasn't very happy at cancelling the reservations he had, but he felt relieved now, that he was being accepted in the family.

Later, all the girls, Grams and sister -without Prue- were in the kitchen.

"Door," said Piper, leaving the living room to open.

"I invited Andy, do you think that Prue's going to stay?," I asked Grams.

"I don't know sweetheart, I don't know".

I sighed, I was starting to miss my sister. She was bossy and annoying, but it was even more stressing being totally ignored than yelled and scolded.

"Cole's home!," announced Piper, as both came in view.

"Happy birthday, baby," he said hugging me, "And many more".

"Thank you," I kissed him, "How was work?"

"Fair," he said, "Nothing exciting, but I think it's going to be easy. If I work hard I might get an a promotion soon".

"That's my boy," I told him proudly.

"Come on, minors in the room," joked Paige, covering her eyes.

Cole blushed as I laughed.

"Women's place, get used," I warned him.

"Now, mister 9' feet tall, be a gentleman and place this balloons somewhere," said Grams handing him a little bag.

"Make them look pretty," said Piper to him, "Or she's gonna make you put them all over again".

Cole looked at me, confused.

"Women's place," I repeated.

"Let me help you, silly," said Helena dragging him to the living room.

"This is going to be fun," added Gisselle running after those two.

"I'm going to play some tricks on him," told me Paige, following my boyfriend and friends.

I giggled and Piper shook her head.

The tea party was wonderful. I Had a great time with my family and they accepted Cole as one of us, he felt in confidence, in family for the first time in years. We took a lot of pictures so our daughter could see them when she is older and wanted pictures of her mom pregnant holding hands with her father. Prue didn't show up, well, she did, but only to sing the happy birthday song and as soon it was over she took her plate with cake an disappeared. I got presents, beautiful things and when I realized that I wasn't expecting presents because I couldn't be happier with my loved ones, I knew something had changed in me. And I liked it.

"You're finally eighteen, you can marry now," said Gisselle.

I choked with orange juice and Andy had to pat my back. When I looked at Cole, he was expressionless. No one mentioned the topic again or kept that talk.

Before leaving, Cole asked me about the next appointment with the doctor. We talked about some medical tests I had to take, he gave me some recommendations and we decided not to name our girl yet. He said that he was going to come the next day at dinner time to say goodnight, and he did: He did every day of every week for the next three months without exception.


	23. Goodbye

**Chapter twenty-three: Goodbye.**

"Piper!," I yelled from the sofa. I had sat a few hours ago and now I couldn't stand.

"I'm going, I'm going!," she said running downstairs.

"I'm trapped in this thing again," I complained.

"How many times I have told you not to yell? You make me believe that you're in labor!," she scolded me, taking my hand to help me to stand up.

"I wish I was in labor!," I growled, "This is the..."

"Third time this month, it's funny," said Paige going upstairs with a cup of chocolate in her hands.

"It isn't funny, Paige Matthews!"

"Leave her alone, her hormones are betraying her," said Piper.

"I'm not hormonal!," I argued, "I'm tired. I can't find a comfortable way to sleep, your niece thinks it's really funny placing between my ribs and kicking at three in the morning, and, to add, I can't sit and stand by my own because I'm too heavy!"

"You feeling better?," asked me Piper at seeing me so agitated, breathing hardly.

"Yeah, a lot," I said sitting again, unconsciously.

"Stuck again?," asked Gisselle, who was coming downstairs with Helena and Ruby.

"If you're gonna make fun of me...," I started.

"We won't," assured Helena.

"Stop the yelling," warned us Grams, from upstairs, "Don't agitate too much, Phoebe, it isn't good for the baby".

"It isn't good for the baby," I repeated upset, arms crossed.

I knew I sounded like a brat but I was frustrated. I was thirty-four weeks already and I had never been so big. I couldn't see my feet, breathing was hard, I could barely move without crashing against everything and unknown people kept touching my belly as if it was a public thing. At home mostly, and I still had to wait another month before giving birth.

"I heard that," she said looking at me, "And I would appreciate if you didn't roll your eyes to me".

"I'm going out with Andy, going to have dinner with him and then to the movies. Don't wait for me," said Prue carrying her earrings in her hands, kissing Gram's cheek as she went downstairs.

"Take care," said Piper kissing her too, the others waved because she was late and was almost running for the marathon.

"Me? Oh, I'm okay don't worry. Your niece? She is going to be born within three or five more weeks, thanks for asking! I love you too, Prudence," I said ironically.

"Pheebs...," said Piper.

"Pheebs what? What? She won't speak to me ever again? She hasn't in, I don't know Piper, four, five months?," I complained, squeezing a pillow really hard.

"Give her some time," said Grams, "Your sister is aware of all that, she asks me about you and I tell her about everything".

"Well, then when I'm dead tell her to not go to the funeral".

"Phoebe!," said Grams.

"Okay, enough drama, I've to go Michelle is waiting for me at her place," said Paige eating an apple.

"I want you home before eleven," warned Grams.

"Before eleven, weekday, I know".

"I'm going to go to the book's store, do you want me to drive you?," asked Piper with the keys in her hands.

"Sure!"

As soon as they left, Grams also did to her work. That left me and the girls alone in the house.

"Pheebs, we need to talk," said Helena, taking a seat in front of me.

"Ok, that sounds serious," I replied, "Spit it. I don't like the mystery".

The girls looked at each other and Gisselle sat next to me to lean her head on my shoulder.

"We love you sweet pea, don't you ever doubt about that," said Ruby.

I looked at them three.

"Who died?," I asked immediately, and for a second, a sick and stupid second, I even thought that maybe, just maybe something was happening between Cole and Helena...

STOP PHOEBE! I told myself. How could I even...? Uhg, I was an idiot that wouldn't happen ever. She was my best friend and the future godmother of my girl, and he was my boyfriend, the father of my girl. There was nothing between them. Nothing.

"No one," said Helena, "Listen, you and your family gave us a place here. Not only a place, but also love, support, friendship. You taught us the meaning of a family and we are really thankful..."

"But?," I asked; now sure that it had nothing to do with Cole.

"We think that now that everything is in order with Cole and Penny, and that we are again back in society, we should move to our own place".

Ok, I didn't expect that, seriously. I didn't know what to say, I was impressed.

"Are you ok?," asked Ruby.

"Are you mad?," inquired Gisselle.

I shook my head a couple of times, then smiled.

"I'm going to miss you guys...," I said in tears, "You were there...and...all the times when...how..."

I couldn't stop crying and Gisselle held me tighter. Helena joined the embrace, and Ruby too eventually.

"I wish you all the best. I hope you know that the manor is going to be your home always, and I'm going to be your sisters forever..."

"Thanks for everything," said Helena sobbing.

"When are you leaving?," they remained quiet, "Today, right?"

"We didn't know how to tell you...," excused Helena.

"It's ok, this way is easier...," I accepted.

"Because this isn't a goodbye, right Pheebs?," asked Gisselle like a little girl.

"No, it is not Selle. It's a I'm going to use your home as refugee when my family drives me nuts," said Ruby.

The girls and I laughed at that and when we stopped crying, they told me more about their new house. It was near, six to seven blocks here. It was a new department building and Helena's father had bought her one of them with four bedrooms, perfect to them and one additional just in case. They said that it was Cole and mine.

"And the baby's," added Gisselle.

"You know, if you need any help when the little one is born...you call and we're here to help you 24/7," said Helena.

"Let's enjoy our last afternoon together," I suggested, "What do you want to do?"

After we did all what they requested and we had a family dinner with sisters and Cole included to tell the girls goodbye, it was time to wave and watch them leave. They didn't want us to drive them home because they said that that would be depressive, and that I was still their teacher so it wasn't necessary. We agreed.

"The house is going to be really quiet now," said Paige sitting next to Piper in the living room.

"Until the baby is born, then you'll enjoy a lot of noise at three in the morning," commented Prue.

"Zip it!," I yelled.

"Prudence," warned Grams.

Prue made a grimace and, as always, made her way to her room.

"Bitch," I muttered.

"Phoebe," said Grams this time.

"Do you think that we have a nice picture frame?," I asked, curled in Cole's arms.

"I think so, why?," I asked Piper.

"I would like to frame Cole's picture from the newspaper," I told her.

"Phoebe that's not necessary," he said sweetly.

"Of course it is! You've done an amazing job and your company is growing, in only three months! You got a promotion and you're in the local's news paper with a big photo and your name written down. It's important, don't argue," I said closing his mouth with my fingers.

Cole didn't try to speak and Paige laughed at him. Grams smiled, proud of my boyfriend.

"Take this one," said Piper after looking into the drawer of the little table next to the sofa.

"Cool," I smiled, "Paige, would you please bring me a scissor?..."

Paige snorted.

"Ok, forget about it," I was happy so I just let it go, "If I fold the paper like this...," I said, sticking my tongue out a little, concentrated.

"Lazy, couple of lazy," Piper scolded us, when the bell of the door rang, "I'm going! Let's see if you learn how to move your feet".

"I'm pregnant!," I complained.

"I'm the baby sister!," said Paige.

"You're lazy in fact," said Grams, "What's your excuse?," she asked Cole.

"I'm lazy," he said, not sure if that was the right answer.

Grams giggled and my little sister and I joined her. Our smiles faded away when Piper came back, really pale, followed by a woman wearing a really expensive suit with a girl dressed in pink.

"Who are this?," asked Grams, worried at Piper's expression.

"They are looking for Cole Turner," she said, looking at me.

"We would like to know if he is here, would you please tell him that Beatriz and Johana Turner are looking for him?"


	24. Daddy

**Okay, I was kinda busy and even a little "No one is reading my things" mood, when boom! I got a nice rr :)**

**DEDICATED TO: Kt and CakiieHere.**

**P.S: Yesterday was the "Self harm awareness day". Talk about it...people needs you/you're not alone. YOU WORTH IT, and I care. Stay strong.**

* * *

**Chapter twenty-five: Daddy.**

I pressed my eyelids as soon as I heard that, and opened my eyes fast to turn my head and look at Cole. His face was pale, a million times whiter than Piper's. He was staring at the people with my sister. The woman was tall and big, with no curves almost. Her hair was well dyed and her make up couldn't be more perfect. Her black suit looked really good on her and the jewelry had been selected just for her, or that's the way it looked like.

Cole's eyes were moving from one of them to the other and again, and without noticing his hands were squeezing me too tight, wrapped in my maternity shirt. Then, his eyes were stuck on the little girl. She was wearing a white pantyhose and pink sneakers. Her shirt was pink, long sleeved, with a Barbie. Her brown hair was tied in a ponytail with curls, but what made me know that she was in fact my boyfriend's daughter, were her eyes: blue, the same sad blue her father had. I could recognize them anywhere.

It was true: they were who they said they were.

"Who?," I asked, feeling dizzy and even scared.

"Dad?," asked the little girl, whose gaze was addressing my direction.

As I was leaned on Cole's chest I could feel his heart going extremely fast, he was barely breathing. I felt how he pushed me softly to a side, so he could stand. It took him a couple of attempts to achieve it, but he couldn't walk.  
The girl released from Beatriz's hands and ran before jumping over him like the way I did that day that told him that I was willing to pay for drugs. The little girl wrapped her legs around his waist and he held her tight. She began to cry and I didn't know where to stand. The only thing I knew was that I was crying also, but I was mad. Had he lied to me? Or had someone else lied to him? What the hell was doing the bitch of his ex in my house? I didn't mind the kid, but why was she here?

My family was staring at Cole and the girl, Piper was still standing with the woman. I didn't know how long father and daughter held each other, but no one moved until Beatriz spoke.

"I think we found him," she said walking towards us.

"Who are you?," asked Cole, taking a seat with his child over his lap. The girl was hanging from his neck with her eyes closed. He had to rock her back and forth to try to calm her down.

"Carry, Rick's sister, nice to meet you," she said shaking his hand.

"Wait who's Rick?," asked Grams immediately, "What's happening Cole Turner?," she asked standing from her chair.

"My wife's lover," he replied. His voice sounded strange with all the tears in his face.

"Rick asked me to watch the baby, well, she was a baby back then," she said bitchily, "For a few days but you know, then the crash happened...no one came for her and you, the father of the year never appeared".

"That I never appeared?," he yelled.

I could hear heir voices and recognize who was speaking, but that was all. I couldn't see anything, or well I could, but things were blurry. I had felt like this before, I know...panic attack. Another panic attack. I didn't want to stay there, I only wanted to go to my room and lie down for a second, or forever. Breathing was really hard and some contractions were making things harder.

"I'm sorry," I said standing from the sofa, I couldn't breath and I was shaking. I tried to hold on the wall but my ankles didn't resist the tension and within a second I was on the floor.

I felt horrible, I was about to throw up, or die, or both. I closed my eyes trying to make the dizziness go away.

I heard my family saying my name. I felt like an idiot.

"Don't touch her!," yelled Paige furious, bending next to me. I don't know to who, Cole, I guess.

"Are you ok?," asked me Andy trying to help me sit on the floor.

I just nodded.

"Get her to her room," asked Piper.

"No, no, I'm fine," I said.

"To the sofa at least," said Piper.

Andy helped me to lie down, he insisted in that I had to breath.

"I don't care about breathing," I growled, "I want to know what the hell is going on!"

I knew that Cole had nothing to do with all this because he was as shocked as we all was, and the bitch of Carry had said that there had been a crash. But the problem was that I couldn't stop the attack.

"Please, we need to talk and we are going to do it in the kitchen," said Grams to Cole and Carry.

"You need to breath and calm down, you're pregnant," said Andy caressing my hair.

I hated that he had a point. I closed my eyes and filled my lungs with air.

"Phoebe can't get any more of this," said Grams calmed, I don't know how she does it, you know, that thing of not losing control. Prue learned that from her.

"Come with me sweetheart, let's wash that face of yours," said Piper to the girl and both addressed to the bathroom of the first floor.

That was the last thing I heard, the rest was only Paige singing something to me sweetly as Andy controlled my breath. I was so relaxed now, all the aches, nausea, dizziness had disappeared.

After fifteen-twenty minutes I opened my eyes.

"Hey, easy," said Piper's voice.

"I'm okay, thanks," I said stretching a bit, "I want to sit".

Andy and Paige helped me to move slowly and she sat just next to me. In front I saw Piper with Cole's daughter over her lap, she was scared and glued to my big sister.

"Is she alright?," I asked trying to adjust my eyes to the light.

Piper nodded. We all remained quiet, trying to listen the kitchen's talk but it was impossible to hear a word. The house was in silence, in such a silence that Prue, the one who had to stick her nose in everything, hadn't noticed that something was going on and was still in her bedroom.

We heard some steps from the kitchen and I could recognize them as the woman's stilletos. Then we heard the door.

Piper looked at me, I looked at Paige, Paige looked at Andy and he looked back to Piper. Soon, more steps joined the first ones but these stood in the living room.

"Things are cleared," said Grams, "all in order".

Cole approached to Piper and his daughter hid in his arms as he picked her up from my sister's lap, standing next to Grams.

"It's okay baby, daddy is here and he won't leave you. I promise," he said kissing her forehead in a whisper, but I heard.

I had to say that the picture was beautiful yet heartbreaking.

"Would you please tell me what happened?," I asked them, trying not to agitate again.

"Technically what Carry said," replied Cole, with the intention of taking a seat next to me but Paige didn't move.

"Explain," she ordered him. She was being very over protective.

"They asked her to take care of her for a few days, to give them some time to set in Europe...," said Cole, "Johanna was never in that plane, it was a mistake..."

"What happened to Beatriz?," I asked him.

Cole sighed and we all understood.

"Phoebe, I think I have to go now," he said complicated, "I don't..."

"I understand," I said quickly, a bit icy.

Cole closed his eyes and turned on his heels to leave the Manor. The door closed and Grams sighed, I knew she wanted to tell me things like_ Good one, Phoebe_ or _You're always going to be a trouble maker_, but she didn't.

No one did.

* * *

**_Review(s) response(s)_**:

**CakiieHere: Done! THANK YOU!**

**Kt: Oh God! your rr made me smile insanely for days! sorry I had no internet last month! I hope this was good enough...I mean, I hope I didn't deceive you! If I did, please, tell me what you expected and what you'd like to see so I can try to write that! **


	25. I'm scared, okay?

**Chapter twenty-six: I'm scared, okay?**

After some boring and uncomfortable silence, Piper spoke.

"And now what?"

Grams sighed. She was sad about Cole's daughter, as all of us to be honest.

"The woman said that now that she had found him, the girl was his responsibility. She said that tomorrow she's going to send him her stuff and that she didn't want to know anything about the girl; that he owed her the money she had spent in nannies and her needs," she replied.

"What a bitch," complained Piper, who never used those words.

"You said it right," seconded Grams.

The rest of us were surprised, if she hadn't scolded her for the language it meant that she was really pissed about this.

"I'm shocked," said Paige, "Poor Cole, I mean, he has been living a lie. He spent six years of his life locked in a rehab center and it was all a lie".

"That must to be really hard to accept," muttered Andy.

"I understand his pain," said Grams, she had also lost her only one daughter, "but somehow I'd rather had lost years away from my daughter than knowing that she will never come back".

Piper stood up and hugged our grandmother. All of us could feel that our mom was missing. How much we missed mom. How much I needed her right now.

I felt egoist about Cole, Paige was right: he was in a real life roller coaster and I only was making things harder when I was supposed to be a help, a support as I had promised.

"Wait," I said standing up.

Andy and Paige tried to stop me but I left the manor anyhow, trying to find my family. The night was cold and windy but I didn't care, I just held my heavy belly with my right hand and tried to give my back some resistance with my left hand: walking fast wasn't easy.

"Phoebe!" I could hear Paige and Andy, running after me but I ignored them.

"Wait!" I shouted when I saw the Turners, "Wait!," I shouted again; I couldn't walk anymore I was tired and my feet hurt.

Cole heard me and stopped walking to turn around and see me half of the block of distance.

"What are you doing out?" he shouted, running with his daughter in his arms until he reached me.

"Cole, you can't go alone in the middle of the night with a girl," I told him trying to catch my breath, "You're renting a room you share with a lot of strangers, what if something happens to her?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked me, looking in my eyes.

"Stay tonight. Please, we will figure out what to do about all this madness tomorrow, but now the most important thing is your safety," I asked him with a serious expression.

He stared at me for a few seconds. I looked in his eyes, I handed him my hand to show him that I wasn't mad or anything, just confused. He kissed my forehead and with his eldest daughter on his hip and me walking before him with our hands over his youngest daughter, we made, slowly, our way to the Manor.

A new day arrived to San Francisco after a really strange night for us. Andy had slept with Prue at his place, he had said that he was going to explain to her all what had happened and try to stop her fury, but he needed to take her out of the house for her own mental health. Piper shared room with Paige instead of Prue tonight, she left Cole and Johanna her room with the king size bed. Grams in her room.

I slept in my bed, alone; well, I actually stayed up.

"Morning," I said to whoever who had opened the door of my room, without looking. It was eight in the morning but everyone was asleep since today was Saturday.

"Hey, how you doing?," Cole asked me, sitting on my bed.

I looked at him and sighed, he took my hand.

"I'm fine, just...tired, yesterday was tiring. How are you?," I asked back. I didn't feel like talking but I appreciated his intentions.

"I know this is hard for you...Phoebe, I swear that I didn't know about this you have to belie..."

"I believe you," I interrupted, "I know you too well, Turner," I smiled weakly. He smiled back, thankful.

"That means a lot to me".

"You were shocked last night. Did you talk to her? Had she said something? She was really scared".

"She spoke almost the whole night," he smiled, "She knows that her mother is dead. I explained to her the truth..."

"What truth?," I asked him. I didn't know if he had been selective or not.

"All what happened. I didn't really want to tell her but I owed her that. I thought that she would hate me but..."

"She loves you even when she doesn't know you," I told him stroking his cheek, "A girl's dream is being a princess, fathers are our princes when we are little and when we lose them...we are always expecting for them to come back to us".

He cleared my face of hair; he knew that I was talking about my own perspective and my nonexistent relationship with my father.

"Thank you for allowing us spend the night here. I was worried, my place isn't a place for a girl, or, a woman actually".

I nodded, and then closed my mouth. I was really tired and kind of depressed. He took my face in his hands.

"What's bothering you?," he asked me softly. We both knew that there were several things, but he meant right now.

"I didn't sleep last night. I'm tired, that's all..."

"Don't tell me that's all".

I looked down, to my hands.

"Phoebe...," he said tenderly.

"I just...I'm scared Cole, okay?," I said taking his hands off of my face, "I'm scared of what's happening. Cole, I, a few months ago, was nothing but a seventeen-years-old trouble marker livin' la vida loca and doing whatever I wanted. Fearless, irresponsible. I was out of control, I was free. I was single I went to anywhere I wanted and did anything I felt like. I had some friends willing to do stupid and even illegal things without even thinking it twice. I was the bad girl; people either feared and hated me or loved me and wanted to be like me".

"And now?" he asked me, trying to be comprehensive.

"Now...," I sighed biting my lip, "I'm an eighteen-years-old mother-to-be. I have a boyfriend, supportive boyfriend, who has a nine years old daughter that's now here sleeping in my house and it's going to be his responsibility".

"Does that bother you?" he asked me serious, "Is it a problem that I have another daughter?"

"Yes," I said it quickly. He didn't change his serious and calmed expression, "It's a problem because...because before our story happened I knew you had her and I...never thought about her before, you know...sleeping with you".

"I don't think I understand," he said puzzled.

"I'm disappointed. I...deceived myself...I did things I shouldn't had and I'm not saying I regret them," I said immediately, "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I had never felt more responsible and happy with it, than when I accepted that I was going to become a mother. And I really want to spend the rest of my days with you...but...I...," I took a deep breath, then sighed heavily, "I don't know if you want to spend yours with me, or...if you're here just because of our daughter, or...I don't know and...even though if you were here because of me and you wanted to buy a little house and live there with me until one of us die, I don't know how I'm going to be mature enough to take care of this baby or your daughter. I feel so young, I feel so inexperienced, I feel so lost and so scared. Cole, please! This baby is going to see the light within 4 weeks, in a blink of an eye and I'm still sleeping with a teddy bear pajama!," I yelled throwing my pillow away, in total anger "I feel like I'm not good enough to face my own life, and having to face a stable relationship isn't easy because, because...because now we are okay but what when we have a fight? I don't feel capable to raise this baby and give her the life she deserves, and least to be a maternal figure to a girl only nine years younger than me. Who could be my own sister...it's almost the same difference that Prue has with Paige and..."

"Stop," he asked placing a finger over my mouth.

"Have you even told her about us?" I asked him anyway.

Cole shook his head slowly. I felt a stab in the ribs.

"We spent the night talking about each other. She told me about her life, her likes and dislikes and I told her about mine. I thought telling her about you and her sister," we smiled at that word, "but I felt that it wasn't the moment...she was really shocked. She said that Carry had been trying to get rid of her a lot of time ago. I had to calm her down, explain to her that she had a home now..."

"I understand Cole, the last thing I want to do is interfere between you and your daughter," I told her softly. I wasn't trying to call his attention or to make myself a victim of fate; I was being honest and trying to be supportive.

"You're never an interference," he said taking my face in his hands again, "You're my life, the woman I love, the mother of my child and definitely the one. You've a special place in my heart and nothing is going to change that".

I rubbed my eye, trying to distract him because I felt so weak and insecure that I just wanted to cry, but he noticed.

"Phoebe, listen: I..."

We heard a low crack from the door along small steps walking away in a hurry. Cole caressed my face as he stood up quickly to leave my room. I sighed, feeling lonely. I took the Teddy bear he had bought for our daughter from the table next to my bed and hugged it tight. I lay down again trying a fetal position to feel more secure.

I pressed my eyelids. I was lost, what wasn't something new, but this time it was dangerous because soon there's going to be one little person depending on me and that was even scarier.

I, for the first time in my life, didn't know what I was feeling. It was a mixture between happiness, sadness, anger and anxiousness, but mainly, fear. I was scared of all the changes and the little Phoebe living in me wished that I was still a kid, or a free teenager, meanwhile the teenager was silent trying to focus all her energy on becoming an adult.

But neither one was succeeding.

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_**Review(s)**_ **response(s)** :

**Frush: **Hey! Welcome here, nice to meet you! I hope you liked this chapter, thank you so much for leaving a review it means a lot, seriously! I'd like to ask if you read "Sincerily, Freebie"?

**Kt: **Hello! Well, you didn't read it because we're seeing through Phoebe's eyes, but since I'm the boss here haha I can tell you that Cole tried to help Phoebe but Paige didn't let him, and later he tried to sit next to her but Paige again didn't allow him -she was mad at him-. No, Beatriz is gone, sadly or luckily? I don't know! Thank you SO much for all your sweets reviews, they mean the world to me!


	26. Meeting Johanna

**Chapter twenty-seven: Meeting Johanna.**

I couldn't believe I had told him all that. Here he was the victim! He had lost his life, his sanity, his liberty, his family, because of a lie! And I was telling him how sad mine was. I was a failure. I had no love for anyone but me. I was so egoist...I didn't deserve him, maybe this was happening to show me how wonderful he was and how poor I was in comparison.

"Yes...I chose the best father," I muttered to my baby, "You're lucky sweetheart, at least I could do something good for you...one thing...at least".

I heard some steps towards me, but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't care, I only wanted to sleep and wake up only when my head was clear.

"Darling, I would like to introduce you a very special someone," said Cole's voice.

I knew he wasn't talking to me and when I felt someone taking a seat on the edge of my bed, I knew it was her. I was a little afraid, she must to be hating me...I mean, I was here replacing her mother with her dad...wasn't that infuriating to her? It wouldn't be infuriating to me to know that my dad is dating a woman that isn't my mom, but to Prue it would. Was Johanna like me or like Prudence? If she was like me, it would be painful to her...I'm babbling.

"Shhh, she's sleeping," said her sweet voice.

"I guess she is," said Cole sadly.

"I'm not sleeping, I was resting," I said stretching a little. If the girl didn't hate me, I didn't want to give her reasons to start hating me. And if she did...I wanted to know it as soon as possible.

Johanna looked me with her puppy eyes. Her beautiful, beautiful blue eyes. I expected her sister to have the same diamonds as her and their father.

"Hi," she said shyly, whispering something to Cole's ear. He smiled.

"Yes, she's pretty," he repeated.

"Hi," I smiled motherly, feeling like maybe I had a chance, "I'm Phoebe, nice to meet you", clearing her soft face from hair.

She looked at Cole who nodded giving her confidence.

"I'm Johanna," she replied staring at my belly with a curious face, "Is that a boy or a girl?," she asked with a finger on her lips.

I smiled genuinely, the girl was really sweet and natural, not a bit scary...not as scary as I had thought this meeting would be. Cole was really peaceful, smiling, just watching us interact. I had never seen him like this before, like if he belonged somewhere, like...completely happy.

Healed.

His heart was fixed, I had promised that I was going to fix him even though I always knew I wouldn't be able to do it, but maybe my wish came true and that's why his daughter came back. You never know when God, or the evening star listen to you. Or my birthday candles: that's what I asked for, happiness for everyone in the house.

"She's a girl," I said taking her hand to put it over my belly; things were working out pretty well, why to mess them up? I had to be nice. And I felt like being nice, "She's happy to see you".

"She's kicking," she said excited, "Dad! the baby is kicking for me!"

Cole giggled and modulated a thank you.

"Of course she is, darling," he told her, resting his head over her little shoulder, "Sweetheart, that baby girl...she's special too".

"Why?," she asked, clearly entertained with the kicks, even though I was a little tired of them, but her expression was priceless. The moment was the kind of moments you never forget.

Cole looked at me, asking me to explain her why, making me feel an important part of this.

"Because...," I bit my tongue, but Cole's eyes gave me confidence to tell her the truth, and if I had told Grams and survived, I could do this too, "She is your baby sister, sweetie," I told her with a warm smile, hoping that she didn't get hurt or angry. Almost praying, actually. If she started crying I wouldn't know what to do, tho Piper used to cry a lot.

She looked at me, still, for a few seconds. I was getting nervous, why she hadn't said anything? Maybe she didn't hate me until now. Oh God she hated me now! What had I done? I didn't even know her and she already hated me.

"Is everything alright?," he asked her, worried.

I was staring at Cole now. She was so focused on my belly, she didn't even reacted to his question. He looked at me and then he placed his hand over her shoulder.

"Does my sister have a name?," she asked then, back to normal.

I breathed and even giggled a bit, now calmed. I had been so stupid, how and why would she hate me for having a baby? Why would she hate me for replacing her mother and...God, she had a million reasons to hate me. I better shut my mind up.

"Not yet," he said, hugging her happily.

"We would like you to help us to pick up a name. Would you?," I asked her; she was being nice, I had to be nice...and I really loved kids. I had forgotten how much I loved them and somehow I was feeling more secure about the girl, my daughter, Cole and myself now. A bit at least.

Johanna nodded excited and then looked at his father.

"May I?," she asked him with a big smile in her face.

"Sure," he kissed her cheek several times, "This is our new family, and you're a very important part of us".

I dry swallowed when he said our new family, part of us. Johanna smiled and crawled on the bed to put her ear over my belly. She was trying to listen.

"Dad...is this your new wife?," she asked.

If I had been eating I would have choked again. What was going on with that question lately?

"No," I said immediately, a little bitter; not because I wanted to say yes, even though I wouldn't have minded saying yes, but because I was uncomfortable despite my attempts of being positive.

"Then why are you going to have a baby?," she asked confused, raising an eyebrow.

I looked at Cole with a You're gonna fix this face. He explained to her that there were a lot of different kind of families. She made a lot of questions but she finally understood that we were not married, that we were not living together and that we anyhow loved each other.

"Dad...," she asked then, "That means that if you marry, she's going to be my mom?"

"I need to go to the bathroom," I said immediately. That question had scared the hell out of me and I couldn't bear one more second with her and her questions.

"We will see," he said as she moved closer to him as I tried to stand up, "All of us need some time to adapt. Now, the most important things are you and your school, your sister and Phoebe, okay?," he asked her, standing to help me.

After that we went downstairs, we woke up Grams with our steps, but what awoke Piper and Paige was the door, and Carry, with Johana's stuff. She didn't even say hello: she just left the things and left the Manor. Forever, luckily.

"What are you doing to do now?," asked Grams once we were having breakfast. Let me be clear, if I was eating was just because I was pregnant. I was tense and I didn't really feel hungry.

"I'm going to call Helena," said Cole drinking from his cup, with Johanna sitting on his lap; she didn't want to stay away from him, "I was thinking about renting an apartment since my career is going well, but I need to save money to pay for my daughter's delivery and Johana's needs; and Helena said she had an extra room that I could take. Although I still have to tell her about what happened yesterday".

Grams agreed. She offered him help if he needed since she had raised five girls successfully, or almost, I was the only exception to that rule -she didn't say it, but I added it myself in my head-.

"I phoned my friend, the same who's helping Phoebe and the girls with their high school and found a new school for Paige after all the scandal these two got involved in," she commented giving my sister a look, but she didn't give one to me; she still felt guilty after believing Todd instead of me, "He said he had a place for your daughter in a school a few blocks from here, isn't Paige's building but is the same school, just with different teachers".

I could see that they had planned almost everything when they had talked in the kitchen with the infamous Carry. To them things were "under control" and pretty normal, or that's how things looked like, Was I the only one stressed and confused? Why everyone was acting like if yesterday nothing had happened?

"That's wonderful," he said impressed, I had lost the count of how many times he had smiled today, "Thank you so much, it's good to know that she's going to be near Paige just in case. You heard that? New school, bye to the bullies you didn't like".

"Cool," she smiled too, clapping and cheering.

"But, you have to go and meet him within twenty minutes to set things up," said Grams cleaning her mouth with a napkin.

"Oh, okay," he said drinking his last sip of coffee, "I'll be here later, or tomorrow," he said standing from the table.

"Anything you need, just call," said Piper.

Cole nodded and kissed my lips, but I didn't reply. I mad, but not at him, but at the world. He left the kitchen holding hands with his daughter. What I didn't expect, was that the little one came back running to kiss my belly and then stood on her toes to say goodbye to me.

"Bye Phoebe," she smiled pleased, "I'll think about a name for my baby sister, I hope you like it!"

Said that, she ran after Cole whose steps had came back but hadn't had the chance to enter the kitchen again.

I remained silent, still shocked, meanwhile the others were talking about how sweet Johanna was and that she would get along very well with the baby and stuff I wasn't paying attention to.

"Are you ok?," asked me Paige.

I nodded with a weak smile. I was emotional, I didn't know what to think. Everything was so hard, I felt so guilty for not being a better person to Cole's daughters.

"You sure?," asked Piper this time.

"Yeah...I mean, he's happier than ever, right? I only need some time to get used to the idea, that's all," I lied; I didn't want them to know that I was an insecure teenager, I had been trying to look all grown up and that mask had to remain until the end. Even though it had fallen this morning with Cole.

"It's going to be like this for a few days, Phoebe," added Grams, "He's not going to be here as often, and when he is he's going to bring her".

"What do you mean with that? Something you want to tell me?," I asked sharp.

"Things changed. And you need to be ready to accept that and the way they're going to be, that's all".

"I know," I said biting a sandwich, "I know" I said to myself.


	27. I'm done

**Hey guys :) see who's back! I'm sorry I wasn't around lately, but I've been feeling a little low AND fanfiction deleted one of my fics and that was like the last thing I needed to get away from here. But I got a review, from Kt :') so I came back (and re uploaded the deleted fic) Thank you sweetie, this chapter is for you.**

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**Chapter twenty-eight: I'm done.**

Two weeks later things had changed a bit. Cole had spent a lot of time with his daughter and the little time we used to share, now was less than before. He was busy, all the time busy trying to catch up with her. Meanwhile, I was tired of Prue and her attitude: she already knew about Carry, Rick, Beatriz and of course, Johanna. And her faces told me more than her words, the ones she didn't address to me since I told her I was pregnant.

I was sick of everything.

I couldn't bear the pain in my back, the poor sleep, the baby pushing to find her position and the fear of giving birth...I was afraid of having to take care of my daughter, what if I wasn't a good mom? The fear hadn't disappeared at all, now that I felt a little jealous of his daughter...what if I suddenly started to get jealous of my own daughter? He had two arms, one was for Johanna and the other for me...but then, my arm would be taken by my daughter and I will have no arm. I'll stay out of his hugs, the ones I had met just a few months ago because at the center he had never showed me any love physically.  
I couldn't believe I was feeling like this, I couldn't be serious! I knew it was irrational and stupid...But I had a lot of things inside my chest and I hadn't the chance to talk to him about them because even though he came every day at dinner time as he had promised, he came with Johanna and after a while, they left. We had no time alone, I had nothing against the girl because I liked her a lot and she liked me and her sister, but I needed a little of "us" time with Cole.

My friends had come to cheer me up today. They used to visit me every two days, but now they were spending every day at home to help me to deal with all my nervousness and my _What was that contraction? Am I in labor?_ moments.

"You know we would like to stay, but we have appointments with our therapists," said Helena standing in the door of the Manor.

I didn't want them to leave, I felt good and safe with them and I would like telling them how I felt but they knew that I wouldn't talk about it at home. I was pretending I was perfect with all this and just tired because of the pregnancy, but I didn't feel like going out so, basically, I was keeping things to myself...I felt too ashamed to confess that I was jealous, insecure and not ready to face the new conditions.

"It's okay, thanks for coming," I said instead of asking them to stay a little longer.

"Take care Pheebs, see ya tomorrow," said Gisselle.

"Don't listen to your mother, stay inside 'til is your time," said Ruby to my baby.

I giggled at that, I had complained a lot the last two weeks about not standing another minute with this huge belly. I closed the door, I was alone again. I went upstairs, I needed to sleep, or I wanted to try at least. I yawned and my shirt lifted up a bit. My belly was growing bigger every day and it was hard for me to keep my clothes in their place.

"Don't do that, please, cover up," asked me Prue who was in the corridor, she looked pissed.

"Why?," I asked her, I was about to cry. I hated how sensitive I could become, thanks hormones, "Why?, I can't because I'm pregnant? I don't have to show my belly because it bothers you? Because it embarrasses you?"

Prue didn't look at me, just turned around. I grabbed her hand.

"Stop this. Stop with your scene and your drama. I'm not ashamed Prue. I love this baby, she's my daughter. This," I added, pulling my shirt totally up and showing my abdomen, "Is your niece, is here. She's here, growing a little everyday, making me proud".

"Please, stop," she asked frustrated, trying to release from me.

"I know you're disappointed, believe me, I also am. You know how many times I heard my classmates and teachers saying I'd end up pregnant or dropping school before my last year?, you know how sad and hard is to realize they were right?," I asked her, my eyes were dropping tears, "I disappointed you, I disappointed my mom, I disappointed Grams, I disappointed Cole, but mostly, myself. And that hurts, you have no idea how much Prue...but I love this thing," I smiled, touching my belly, "More than the pain, more than the shame, more than myself".

My sister turned on her heels and got back to her room, closing the door. I stood outside of her bedroom, knowing that she could hear me.

"I'm sorry if you can't love her! I'm sorry if you hate me! hate this baby and her father, but there's nothing to do about this. If you want...I can leave!, I can leave!, but I can't stand you one more second!".

I went downstairs, hurt and furious, but mostly hurt, when I heard some voices from the kitchen. I raised an eyebrown and walked as slowly as I could, cleaning my face from tears.

"...has been happening too fast. I know it has been fast and hard to you too...".

That was Gram's voice, to who was she talking? Why was she speaking so low? I looked through the window of the living room and I saw Piper showing Johanna the roses she had in the garden; and I understood why they were whispering.

"...parents now and you have to handle all this situation with maturity and a little of brain..." said Grams.

I could tell she was talking to Cole, and I approached to the kitchen; if she was bothering him I was going to defend him.

"You are not Phoebe Halliwell and Cole Turner anymore. Now you have to think about your daughters first, and they're the most important thing now," was saying Grams, "You have to take a decision, I was saving this conversation for later because the baby isn't born yet, but now that your daughter is here, she needs stability and you need to choose now".

"I know I have, but Phoebe..."

This time the one who was talking was Cole, and about me...maybe I should stay out, hide and listen to the talk.

"She's...I don't know, you know how she feels, she's not ready to face all this. Sadly we are not talking about two girls, we are talking about three. I have to protect her and I know you want the same. I don't want to push her, to force her to do anything she doesn't want to," said Cole.

Okay, they indeed had been talking a lot without me. Why were they talking at my back? Did he really think that I was another child?

"I'm worried too, we have talked about this before...," said Grams.

Bingo. They HAD been talked about this before.

"...But she also needs stability. She has faced so many changes in her life, and although she's changing and growing, she's still..."

"Young," completed Cole.

"Exactly. If you love her, you're going to do what's best for her. And maybe that is taking your two daughters with you and leaving Phoebe here to live like a teenager until she's older enough to take care of the baby".

I heard that and my blood boiled. Were they saying that I couldn't rise my baby? That he had to take her away from me? He agreed? They were taking MY decisions, talking MY talks and making me feel worse than what I actually felt like. I couldn't believe they were my family. I couldn't believe they were talking about me like that! I expected that from Grams but not from Cole. And hand't they seen how much I had changed? How responsible I was trying to be and how much I was behaving?

"What?," I demanded, hitting the door of the kitchen to make them notice I was there, and that I was pissed.

Grams made a grimace and Cole hit the floor with his foot, frustrated; they didn't expect me coming in.

"Please, keep talking," I said arms crossed, staring at them with an annoyed smile, "And don't change the topic, I've heard enough to know what you think and what you're saying".

"I'm sorry for Phoebe," said Grams, almost ignoring me, "but she decided to become a mother and now she has to deal with it and face her new reality. And that means taking the best choises, what is best for your daughter, even when it doesn't feel like the best," said, taking a seat, "I don't know what you think," she asked Cole.

"I have to agree. She needs to take a decision and to build something stable..."

"Why are you talking like if I wasn't here too?," I yelled, throwing my hands, "And I understand that. But what do you mean with me living here and my daughter living with Cole?," I asked agitated, feeling a deep fear coming from somewhere in my stomach and rushing to my spine to hit my head. I was about to start shaking.

"Johana has lived a hard and unstable life and that has to end right now," said Grams, calmed, strict, "And I only want the best for my granddaughter. The girls can't live in a mess, in a broken family: they need stability...It's an option...," she sighed, "I don't know if you're ready to take care of your daughter alone, Phoebe. It appeared easier with Cole's help, but now he has his daughter also and he won't be able to be here as often as before. And I don't know if you're mature enough to take care of that nine-years-old girl, Phoebe. If you're going to be with him, she is going to look up at you and need you as mother. And I'm not sure if..."

"Thank you," I said cutting her speech off, "Thank you," I repeated before leaving the kitchen.

I went to my room, I was crying again. I couldn't believe them! I mean, really? Haven't they seen how hard I was trying to become a better person? Could anyone of them remember when was the last time I went to a party, did drugs, drank alcohol, etc? No! No one could because it had been a long time! I was a different Phoebe, why they couldn't see that?

Why I couldn't see that?

"Phoebe...," said Cole, who had followed me upstairs, and was rubbing his face.

"Don't you Phoebe me," I warned him, terribly upset, trying to hide how nervous and scared I was.

"That's your name," he said softly.

I didn't reply, I just sat on my bed, crying. I felt so weak and so small, so useless, so...so like if they were totally right in what they had spoken. I was expecting a hug, or I don't know, a kiss, but that didn't come.

"Please don't cry," he asked me, "We were trying to take the best decision for you..."

"No! You were deciding FOR me, that's not the same!," I yelled, throwing him a pillow, trying to hit him in the face but it fell down half way to his body. Cool, I was a failure even at throwing pillows.

"What did you expect us to do?," he asked, kneeling in front of me, "You yourself said you were confused, that you were scared, that you didn't feel matur..."

"Why are you so cold?," I stopped him, looking him in his eyes with tears in mines. I was hurt, he had betrayed me.

"Cold?," he asked me, caressing my cheek, "Phoebe, I am not cold. I love you and I want you to be happy. This is going too fast, you told me you aren't ready and I don't want to push you, that's all".

"You're not pushing me, life is pushing everything," I told him in a whisper.

"That's why your grandmother thought that maybe I should take care of our daughter until you grow up a little," he added, taking my hands in his, "have some experiences you're not going to have with a child under your responsibility. We would like you to live a carefree life until you feel ready. We don't want to put any more weight over your shoulders. We don't want to push you".

"And do you think that taking her away is going to help?," I asked emotionally drained, I didn't even wanted to fight. I felt numb, they wanted to take away the only thing that made me feel worthy and alive.

"Maybe...," he sighed, "...look at your reactions...," he said worried.

"You're cruel," I told him, taking a deep breath, "I'm pregnant, I'm carrying your child..."

"I know and I appreciate you..."

"Without me this kid wouldn't exist," I interrupted, biting my lip, "Without me you would be locked in rehab forever, you wouldn't have found Johanna. I shouldn't have told you about my pregnancy, I should just keep it to myself...", I said looking up, trying to stop my tears from coming down. But it wasn't working, it was amazing how terribly alone I was feeling.

"Are you kidding?," he asked me, trying to hug me, and he did, but I didn't show any response to it, "I love you Phoebe, please! I love you so much that I rather stay away, I rather to jump from a climb than seeing you like this. Phoebe, I love you. I can take the girls with me for, I don't know, a year and two and then we can move togheter or..."

"No dude, we won't," I said slowly, "This is it. I'm done, we're through," I added, standing up from the bed, leaving him behind, "Nice to meet you".

"Hey, wait...," he said following me to the closet, where I was standing.

I took a little bag a put some things on it: I was leaving, I wasn't joking. I never do.

"Phoebe, c'mon, if you don't want you don't have to do it we were just thinking! It was just an idea," he tried to say, but I wasn't listening to him.

I left the room and went downstairs, he followed me, but he didn't try to stop me because he knew that I'd fight him and that would end up with us falling downstairs. And I couldn't fall downstairs. I took the keys of Gram's car and walked by Piper, Paige and Johana. They saw tears in my eyes and tried to approach, but I just climbed in the car.

"Phoebe!," shouted Cole, trying to open the door but I had locked it already. I turned on the car, "Phoebe, you're gonna get yourself killed, you're mad don't dr..."

I didn't listen. I didn't give a damn. I just accelerated, drove over the garden and Piper's flowers feeling great for destroying them and after hitting the neighbor's gnomus, I made it to the street and drove away from the Manor.

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**Ooops! I think Grams, Cole and I made Phoebe a "little" pissed.**

**P.S: I added a picture to the fic now that's allowed :) I didn't find a better one, but if you've one, it's welcome!**

_**Review(s) response(s) **_:

**Kt: **Hey dear! thank you SO much for that review, it meant a lot, seriously! And about that little scene...mmm...ehh...hehehhe...*running away fast*


	28. Freebie's back

**I would like to say hi to all new subscribers and people who have favorited this fic! It means a lot to me, really. Thank you so, so much. I hope I can meet you when you leave a review :)**

**Again, this chapter goes to Kt, cause she inspires me and gives me the energy to keep doing this!**

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**Chapter twenty-nine: Freebie's back.**

When I parked the car I recognized where I was now; subconsciously I had made my way to a place I knew very well: Todd's place. I didn't know what I was doing there, but there I was. I made the door bell rang, and he opened.

"Dammit," he said with his eyes wide open when he saw my belly and tried to close the door.

"Not yours, asshole," I told him stopping it with my hand. He was so basic.

I saw him taking a deep breath and heard him muttering something like _thanks God, _then, he shook his head.

"May I come in?," I asked bitterly, he was about to say no, but I did it anyway.

We both walked in, and I saw a girl topless on the couch. She was from our school, I had seen her there before. She took her shirt and put it on, a little embarrassed and then, stared at my baby bump.

"I better go," she said, but he stopped her.

"No baby, please," he asked and she nodded.

"You know, this pregnancy makes me dizzy, would you please bring me some lemon or crackers? I would appreciate it," I asked him, with a melodramatic voice.

Todd looked at me curiously, he was confused, but he did what I had asked. I sat on the couch, next to the upset girl, and took my shirt off to lift my shirt to show her my little one, or where she was growing actually.

"When I met him, he was cheating on his girlfriend with me," I started saying, really calm, "I didn't know it, but one day I met her: the girl and her advanced pregnancy. Yes dear," I added when I saw her with big eyes, "His girlfriend was pregnant, and him, cheating on her with me. They broke up, we kept dating...until I told him the big news," I lied caressing my belly, I was having fun. It was amazing taking a little revenge, "He didn't recognize the big brother of this baby, and he said he won't take care of this one neither...," I sighed, pretending I was so shocked and sad about it, "I'm telling you this so you can be prepared, and if you don't, at least I can meet the mother of the sister or brother of my baby, in the future, I would like them to meet. They won't have a father, but at least, two siblings and three moms, right?," I asked smiling friendly at her, like truly believing the story I was telling.

I saw her confused, in shock. She couldn't stop staring at me. She went from my face to my belly, and then to my face again, and back to my belly.

"Sweetie, are you ok?," I asked her, faking preoccupation and she shook her head, really confused; I was sorry about her but to be honest, he wasn't a good guy for her to date so anyway I was saving her from a jerk.

She owed me more than my lie.

"Here, I brought you both," said Todd handing me what I had asked for. It was funny because he still had a young boy's face, he didn't really seem like someone fathering kids and abandoning them after. But who knew?

"Thank you," I smiled and took a sip from my glass as a little girl, proud of what I had done. I wanted, not to hurt him, nor to hurt her, but to prove him I was strong.

In a way.

"Jerk," she told him standing from the couch, and then, she slapped his face in a sound that made me choke a giggle and left his face redish, before leaving the house.

"What did you tell her?," he asked me raising an eyebrow, touching his cheek. I handed him my glass of water.

"Nothing," I lied as he took it and led it to his cheek.

"Sure...," he muttered, "You hate me. I lied and it's my fault that you were expelled," he said, and sat next to me.

"No, I don't hate you," I corrected him, pouring some water from the glass to my hand to rub his red cheek with it, "you're not that important".

"Why are you here?," he asked, leaving the glass on the floor.

"I don't know...," I sighed, "habit, maybe".

"Fight at home?," he asked, hugging me tight, really comprehensive.

"Yes," I said massaging my neck, I was really tired.

"Hurts?," he asked me, "It always hurt you there".

"Yeah, that's because you always pulled me from there, or hit me in the head with the cot," I snorted.

"Does daddy do the same?," he asked, talking to my ear. I could felt his warm breath, and I couldn't help it but that made me shiver a bit.

"No," I replied, trying to keep calm. But I knew something really wrong was going to happen if we kept this talk.

"Is he better than me?," he asked, kissing my neck where it hurt.

It felt good.

So damn good.

"Yes. A lot," I replied, trying to minimize him.

"Why?," he asked, getting closer. There wasn't any space in between us anymore. One of his hands was on my lap while the other was pulling my hair back, slowly, to give his mouth space to keep kissing my neck.

"He always knew where to touch, how to touch...made me reach the climax," I replied, clenching my jaws.

"I never did?," he asked, going to my earlobe.

"No," I gasped.

I had to stop this.

I knew I had to stop this but, a part of me didn't want to stop him. A part of me wanted to go back with Todd. That self destructive part of me was so scared of her new life, that somehow wanted to go back to the only thing she knew and it was somewhat safe: Freebie and her gang.

"Faking?," he said, and even though I wasn't looking at his face, I knew he was smiling.

"Always," I tried to say, but I was losing control. I didn't know what to do anymore.

I wanted to stay.

Todd kept kissing me as his lips were going now from my earlobe to my collarbones. My breath was starting to accelerate, and now my chest was going up and down. He could notice the effects he was causing on me, because he knew me very well. From north to south and from east to west, not as well as Cole, of course, but not counting him, he was the person who knew me the best; psychically at least. He kissed me right next to the corner of my lips, as I closed my eyes and gasped loudly.

This wasn't going to end in a good way.

I knew that.

"Why you said knew?, Why past tense?," he said suddenly, separating from me abruptly and taking the glass of water again, to drink it.

It blinked a couple of times, confused. He was playing with me because he knew I was vulnerable. He was in control, as always. I rubbed my eyes, more confused than ashamed, and then I made sure my shirt wasn't showing what I didn't want to show him, or what I shouldn't show him.

"He's gone," I said, pretending I was fine and that he wasn't in power, "There's no more us. Well, there is: me and my_ child_," I added, remarking the last word.

"And you know what is it already?," he asked touching my belly without permission, and that made me shiver, "A little girl who likes fairies, will have curls, button nose and huge smile, or a cute boy with good manners, nice hair and charming eyes?"

I smiled at that. He remembered that. When I was drunk, and sad, and alone, I used to tell him how was the family I wanted to have when I grew older. I wanted two kids at least, I wanted a dog and garden with flowers. Roses, red roses. Common, but I loved them.

"It's a girl," I replied, proud of her already, but feeling terribly sad at the same time, because they wanted to take her away from me.

"I bet she'll be as beautiful as you are", he added, moving to sit behind me, making me move a bit to give him some space.

"Careful, neck," I warned him when he, from my back, kissed the skin my cleavage showed.

"I guess your new boobs help to your pain too," he said, with a condescending tone of voice.

"Yeah, they're huge," I said, trying to not fall in his game, but I couldn't deny that I liked the way he was touching me. He made me feel so worthless, and that was exactly how I felt at the moment.

Things matched.

"My hand was always smaller than them, I wonder how big they're now," he teased, taking what had left of my shirt, off.

"Todd...," I said immediately, somewhat upset, biting my lip. But I said nothing more.

My ex boyfriend led his hands to my breasts, grabbing them over my bra. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I just couldn't.

"Huge is little," he said groaning, and squeezed them hard.

He made me straighten my back, in my attempt of trying to remain quiet and not show him I was actually enjoying what he was doing. Because at the same time, I hated myself for doing this to Cole. But he had started first, right? He had betrayed me before, and now, it was my turn, so we could be even, right?

"When did he left you?," he asked me, releasing my breasts to untie my sweatpants.

"Today," I gasped again, when I felt his hand going underneath them.

"Today?," he asked again, kissing my naked shoulder.

"Yes, why?," I managed to ask, breathing was becoming a really hard task and it got even harder after feeling his hands over my tights.

"I can't believe that," he said taking one of his hands to my chin to kiss me on the lips.

And I let him.

It felt like the sin itself. I didn't want to admit it, but a part of me missed his lips. They moved slowly over mine, touching slightly. He was teasing me.

I wanted to give up.

"Why not? Wouldn't you have done the same? Didn't you use me and never made me your girlfriend?," I asked her, enraged.

I couldn't give up to him. He had hurt me more than anyone, well, not more than I myself, but you get my point. And what was his freaking problem? Why did he like making me feel like there was nothing left of me?

"That's why I say I can't believe it," he snorted, "How far along are you?"

"Eight months".

"Eight months...he stayed eight months with you after fucking your pretty ass?"

"Unbelievable, right?," I asked feeling that my heart was breaking a little more, I hadn't felt this worthless in a long time, except for Prue's attitude, everyone at home had been really supportive...my friends like new sisters, my boyfriend...

"Yeah, but mostly, that he had accepted that the little bastard was his. I bet that's why you're not longer together...I mean, you're Freebie, remember? If I were he, I wouldn't had believed you. If you had come here, told me you were pregnant and the baby was mine...sweetheart, I would had never believed that".

And my heart cracked.

I could hear it. It was ripping, breaking into a million pieces because he was right.

He was making me cry, I was crying because he was right. Maybe he didn't believe me. Maybe he thought this baby is Giovani's or another person. Maybe he hates me, maybe my sisters don't believe me neither.

I wouldn't believe me if I was someone else.

"You came with me, because I'm the only one who never made you believe you're a good girl, or something you are not. We both always knew you're a little spoiled girl, a slut, a Freebie. We always knew I could approach, and take you whenever and wherever I wanted to. Bathrooms, trucks, school, alleys, this cine, this couch...principal's office...," he added and his breath yet cold breath made me chill terribly.

He kept talking, kissing me but I wasn't replying.

He was right.

I was nothing.

I was nothing, but a worthless bitch. That's why they wanted to take my daughter for me, to keep Johanna away, because I was a terrible influence. Because I was going to ruin their lives. Because I wasn't meant to be a mother or a wife, I was only a bad attempt of person wasting time, oxygen and space.

I was hating myself so much, and hating him too, because he always reminded me my truth.

He had taken my bra off, and now he was trying to turn me around. And he did.

"A lot bigger," he smiled, I looked away, disgusted, "I'm glad you're not expecting a boy, you know?," he added, sitting in front of me, it was hard for him trying to find a good position with some space because of me and my hugeness, "If it had been a boy, he'd have had to handle his mother being one of the easy kind, but at least, he'd have enjoyed these two beautiful things," he said biting them gently, but even though I sometimes liked that, now it felt so disgusting. So wrong. So terrible, "But now that's a girl...well, she'll learn from the best, right?"

He stopped talking and I felt his tongue on my skin. He was having some fun, biting and sucking, but with every bite, I got angrier.

He put a hand on my belly and kissed it, and that was the straw that broke the camel. I couldn't stand him talking about my unborn child like that, or about me. I was different now, I was a mother and more mature, he had to respect me!

And was then, when I noticed how much I had grown. How much Cole had taught me: respect. I had self respect, and for the first time, I was saying no. For the first time, I was stopping him. For the first time, I was behaving as an adult and going back home, to apologize. Because the only person who had never told me Freebie, was working for me and his baby. Because the only person who had always seen a Phoebe in me, were at home, worried. Because that little girl with her hopes up about a new family after her mother abandoned her as my father abandoned me, was waiting for me to choose a name for her sister.

I couldn't hurt my grandma or sisters, not anymore.

I was Phoebe Halliwell, Freebie was completely dead, months now.

"Get off, now", I yelled slapping his face as hard as I could.

He backed off, really surprised, almost in shock. I had never done something like that to him or to anyone. But I knew that the only one who had the right to touch me was Cole, and no one else, because what we had was so much stronger than this. It was real. It was up to me choosing right and I was going to do it this time.

"You will never touch my baby or me again, or Cole will make sure you lose all your teeth," I warned him with a fierce expression.

I was not joking.

I took my jacket from the sofa and zipped it.

"Give me my shirt, and my bra. Now," I ordered and he did, still surprised, rather scared.

I stood up with some difficulty, and he, who was completely shocked, helped me standing. Then I walked to the door, and before leaving, I shouted.

"I told her that you were a daddy, that you had a child with Paula, and that this one was your second one. She's a gossiper, good luck with that, dandy".

I slammed the door and I ran, well, the_ I'm very pregnant _kind of run_,_ to the car. I was going home, I had so much to say and so many apologies to give.

This chapter of my life, was closed.

Forever.

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**This is what people calls "Character development" I hope I've done it right.**

_**Review(s) response(s) **_:

**Kt:** Hahaha I will do my best, I promise, but you'll have to wait a little bit. Awww thank you for being so sweet and supportive! and for saying all those cute things! it means THE WORLD to me!


	29. Phoebe's choice

**Since Kt reviewed super fast and I'm in the right mood, I tried to write as fast as I could and here I am!**

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**Chapter thirty: Phoebe's choice.**

When I parked in our parking lot, I sighed. I was tired and still a little shocked about all what had happened at Todd's. I couldn't believe I had been so close to do it...

"But you didn't," I said to myself, sighing again, "but you didn't and that's all what matters".

The door of the Manor opened with a crack as soon as the motor stopped making noise.

"Found her!," said Cole as soon as he came out of the house, jogging down the little staircase.

"Where were you?," I heard Gram's voice, coming after him, and after her there was a whole army: Piper, Paige, Johanna, Ruby, Helena, Gisselle and Andy.

"Are you ok?," asked Helena.

And then I couldn't define all questions because they were speaking at the same time. Cole opened the door of the car and helped me to stand up and get out. I took a deep breath, I felt so guilty. I didn't know what I was expecting now from them, but the hug he gave me, made me hug him even tighter.

"I'm sorry," I said, and I couldn't help it but I burst in tears.

Cole didn't say a word, he just let me hide my face in his chest as he caressed my hair and rocked me softly. I felt some footsteps, and I knew my family was going back inside the Manor to leave us alone for a while, what didn't mean I was being released from them.

I don't know how much time we spent together in silence. The only think I knew, was that I had never felt better before in my life. I had taken the right choice, for the first time I felt I was doing things correctly. But, what about Cole?

"Will you forgive me?," I asked him in a whisper.

"We need to talk," he said taking my hand to lead me to the staircase, "careful, you've had a lot of emotions today," he said while helped me to sit down.

He sat next.

"I'm sorry for what you heard," said Cole, starting first. He never stopped surprising me, "I, we, I...didn't mean to hurt you, Phoebe. I was worried about you and all what you said made me think you needed some time. I wouldn't never hurt you on purpose, I'll always seek for your wellness," he said taking my chin softly to make me look at his beautiful blue eyes.

"I'm sorry I reacted like...like the person I was saying I wasn't," I said cleaning some tears from my face with my forearm, "but I was so scared at the thought of you..."

"Taking her away, I know, it was stupid," he said clenching his fits.

"No," I shook my head, taking his hands to make them relax, "I was scared of you being right".

Cole smiled sadly, as I tried to undo a pot, but I felt terrible. I had to tell him about all what had happened between me and Todd or I'd never, ever forgive myself. But I was scared of him breaking up with me after all the scandal I had done. I knew I deserved it, but I didn't want it.

"I was mad and hurt, so I decided I wanted to leave and never see you again because you wouldn't take her from me," I told him, holding my belly, "because I wouldn't resist that you took from me the only thing that made me feel someone," I said closing my eyes, to open them again, "but I was thinking about me. I didn't think, I wasn't thinking about what was better for our daughter. I behaved like an immature and selfish bitch and..."

"Don't say that word again," he asked me, placing his finger on my lips, "first, because I know your family and the girls are listening behind the door and I don't want Johanna to repeat them later," he said aloud.

We heard more steps, and we knew that now we were alone. I smiled at what he said, he also did.

"And because you're not a bitch," he told me kissing my lips, but I didn't let him, "what's wrong?"

I covered my face with my hands and I sighed. It was time to tell him. I had to.

"I didn't know to where I was driving, I just wanted to escape," I told him, still hiding, "I arrived to Todd's".

I didn't hear a response to that. Cole said nothing, he didn't move, he didn't sigh, he didn't do anything. I knew he was kind of guessing that something had happened there, but I didn't want him to let his imagination fly.

"We kissed," I said pressing my eyelids, and I took my hands off my face because I had to tell him this looking in his eyes. I owed him that. I had made a mistake and I had to face it. I had to take responsibility of what I had done.

"You kissed," he repeated, somewhat disappointed, but not as much as I expected.

"Yes," I assured, nodding slowly, "but that that wasn't all".

Cole rubbed his face and looked at the floor. He rose his eyebrows and then closed his eyes in sight. I bit my lip and pressed my upper nose. Why, and HOW, I ended up destroying everything all the time?

"I let him touch me," I kept saying, closing my eyes.

"What else?," he asked, staying calm, but I knew he was jealous and hurt. I didn't deserve him. He was too much for me.

"Nothing else," I added, opening my eyes.

Cole nodded, not looking at me, thinking. I stared at him for a few minutes, he was lost in his head. He reminded me that guy who had poured his beer over me to turn off my marijuana. The guy who had saved me from that girl who wanted sex with me. The guy who had beat Giovani to save me from him taking advantage of me.

"I...went there because I was scared of all these changes. You talk about us as four people, as a family, because you know us all and you're in a moment of your life that this seems natural, but to me it it seemed a chaos! I mean, Johanna's teacher is going to ask her for her mom and she's gonna say she's eighteen. Can't you see how twisted is this? I was scared." I said, taking his hand, and he let me, "because I think I don't deserve all this happiness and all the wonderful people I'm surrounded by," I added, trying not to sob because I didn't want to manipulate him with tears, "I've always felt like I am...that last mistake Patty and Victor Halliwell created...he left when I was born Cole, I destroyed my parent's marriage and because of me my sisters lost their mom and dad".

I had to stop a few minutes because my tears didn't let me speak. He didn't turn to see me, to hug me, to comfort me and I thought that was so much better. I kept talking.

"Todd, the gang, they always made me feel like a part of a group of waste," I added, cleaning some tears from my cheeks, "I hated myself so much. I had no future because I didn't want to be alive because everything I was, was failure," I said, trying to calm down, taking a deep breath, "but you changed me. You changed me for good. Your daughter changed me. Our daughter changed me...and when I heard what you said, I thought that all the effort I had put trying to become someone better...was nothing".

Cole closed his eyes. He felt guilty about that, I could tell because I knew him so well.

"So I went to...to the person who used to make me feel like the person I thought you thought I was," I said, licking the tears on my lips, "I thought I didn't deserve anything, so I let him go...,...but, you came to my mind," I smiled, "you came and I remembered how you have made me feel all these months. You made me believe in myself, you taught me self-respect. You made me the best Phoebe I've ever been and I thought I would never be, and I know I have a lot to learn yet but...you saved me there, you know?," I asked him, "You saved me at the center, you saved me at Todd's, you saved me here," I led his hand to my heart, "and now that I found love for the first time in my life, I'm afraid of losing it and maybe I already lost you because of my fear. I had always had my heart closed to love, even to my family's. I didn't want to open my heart to you, but you got in and took it, and now it's yours and it scares me because everyone leaves me at some point. And...I understand if you don't want to see me again. And I love our daughter more than anything in the world, but I know she'll be better with you and for her, for you and for Johanna, if you have to take them away...I accept it".

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_**Review(s) response(s) **_:

**Kt: Ooops! I'm sorry hahaha I brought him here but I think it's not gonna be enough for you...but next chapter is up to Cole, isn't it? Thank you! Oh, I don't know if you read the other version of this ending, did you? It's really SAD and TERRIBLE, but the last two chapters are Cole's point of view, totally. Just saying hhaha :)**


	30. Up to Cole

**I lost my mind today, so third chapter in a row, kids! Cheeeers!**

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**Chapter thirty-one: Up to Cole.**

Cole stared at me, and I saw his face changing from expressionless, to a understanding. He understood how it felt being lost, because he himself had been lost for so many years. He kissed my forehead and hugged me for a long time.

We said nothing.

I didn't know what he was going to say now. Maybe he'd agree and he would just wait until our daughter was born to take her with him or...I don't know. I would support whatever he decided, because I knew that on this matter, he knew better. It was all up to Cole, selfish or not, he had the last word and the definitive.

Both of us knew it.

"The best for us," he said after a while, breaking our embrace to look at me, "is you staying. Is us sticking together no matter what," he added cleaning my face from wet hair and tears, "I can't judge you because I know what is fear, and I do it very well. I have been where you are right now, not only once, twice. With Joanna nine years ago, and with you when Helena told me you were pregnant and I turned my back to you...because I thought it was better that I wasn't part of your life, or my daughter's. But you said something," he smiled, with that smile that was the synonym of the most perfect love spell in the world and made me fell and get trapped in his charm whenever I saw it, "You said something like _You really thought that I could live without you?"_

_"_The love of my life...," I added.

I remembered that day very well. He had appeared home as a surprise planned by the girls a few days after they had escaped the center...

_"Why you did that to me?," I asked him in a whisper._

_"I'm scared"._

_"Me too"._

_I let him touch my lips with his carefully, slowly...he was asking them if he could kiss me, and they said yes in a language that only we could understand. _

_"I thought it was better, for you and...," he didn't finish the line about the baby, not daring to mention it and not touching it neither, "To live without me. In a nice family, with no drugs without..."_

_"The love of my life? You really thought that I could to live without you?"_

_"I do"._

_"You're so wrong," I whispered, "I haven't stopped crying since the day we made apart. I thought you hated me"._

_"I would never hate you"._

_"Prove it and stay"._

_"I love you Phoebe"._

_"I love you too"._

__I smiled at that memory, it was bittersweet, yet perfect. I had been about to give up on him, on us, that opportunity, but I gave him a new chance and that was the best decision I had taken in my life. I was going to respect his about this, because I trusted him more than myself and because our love was made of that: mistakes and forgiveness, because our love was stronger than anything and anyone.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong," I said looking in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for making you believe you've done things wrong," he replied, caressing my cheek to kiss me softly on the lips.

I replied to his kiss this time, playing with his hair while he had my face in his hands. I wasn't crying this time, because I felt safe with him. He had understood me and he had forgiven me, and there was nothing else but us in that moment.

"We can't pretend nothing happened today," he said, making our foreheads collide, "but we can't forget tomorrow is a new start".

"Are we okay?," I asked him with my baby voice.

"Yes we are," he smiled, "Nothing is going to make us apart, Phoebe, and I will always try to do my best to make you happy and keep you safe. Because you're my everything. You're my happiness, you're my safety, you're my heart and my entire world. I wouldn't survive a day without your love. I need you more than what you need me and that makes me the vulnerable one here," he giggled, nervously, "don't leave me, please".

"If you promise you won't leave me," I said placing my head on his shoulder.

He hugged me from my back, as I rested leaning over him. We were in silence, but not in that awkward silence, it was a good kind of silence. I could hear to his hear beating next to my ear. He had his chin over my head, and our hands were tangled over my belly. It was a great moment. We felt in peace, and I had finally said what I had to...and maybe I should have said them before, but that doesn't matter now. I many times died to know what the hell was Cole thinking, but now I didn't, because I knew that our thoughts and dreams addressed the same place: happiness.

Our happiness.

A lifetime together.

"You're not a mistake," he said, I sighed, "and what happened between your parents wasn't your fault, not at all. Stop thinking like that; Imagine that any decision we took, made our daughter believe in a future that it was her fault. What would you say?"

"That it wasn't," I said twisting my mouth, "I wouldn't want, neither one of our girls, or any girl or boy in the world, to feel the way I feel about my parents and I," I added.

"There you are," he told me, kissing my cheek.

"What are we going to do, then? Grams has a point...," I said changing the topic, because although he was right, I needed some time to change my mind about mom and dad.

"If you want to move out with me, we can do that," he said, looking at me, relaxed.

I looked at him with a face mixed with the _hey that's a good idea_ and the _I'm not ready to move out yet_ expressions. I didn't want to leave my sisters, it had been really hard leaving my friends and accepting they were going to live somewhere else, to now stop seeing my sisters. I needed to catch up with all of them before leaving, and of course, their and Gram's help with my daughter and Johanna. I needed them close, I didn't feel ready to face all these changes over night.

"If you want me to move in with you, we can do that too," he added, simply, not stressing about it, kissing my forehead this time. His kissed had never felt this sweet and tender, "I know what your family means to you and that you need some time to get used to all these crazy changes".

"The Manor isn't that big to have us all there," I said, biting my lip.

"I think we can use that space you had for the girls in the attic," he said, shrugging.

I closed one of my eyes, thinking about that option. I could imagine waking up next to him every morning and the idea was just fantastic. Our daughters would be around too. They'd grow up as sisters with a strong bonding, as the one I was trying to build with mines, and I would finally have the family I had always dreamed with because now I felt I could open my heart, not because I wasn't going to get hurt, but because I knew it worth the risk.

"We will see what we do, with time," I said, looking up to meet his eyes, "The only thing I know and we have to be sure, and we are, is that we love each other and that nothing is going to make us apart".

Cole smiled at my statement and kissed my lips. It was a sweet short kiss, followed by another short kiss. And another. And then another. And another so quick that made me laugh. I had never had such a honest and open time like this one with him before. And I loved it. We had never felt this high in our lives, and that was a lot to say to a couple of ex junkies.

"You're crazy," I told him, "but I would lose my mind if I lost you".

"You're brave," he smiled, caressing my nose with his, "thank you for being the most important person in my life. Thank you for teaching me what real love is".

"You made it so easy," I said, and we giggled because we knew I was lying.


	31. Don't be afraid of me

**Haaaaaa! You didn't expect me coming back so fast, did you?**

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**Chapter thirty-two: Don't be afraid of me.**

"Hey...," he said after a few minutes, "I think they're waiting for you at home".

I made a grimace at that.

"They don't hate you," he said, before I could speak, "They were really worried, even that big sister of yours..."

"Prue?," I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but don't tell her I told you".

"I won't," I smiled to him, "I hope I didn't scare Johanna...," I added, biting my lip.

"No, we stayed calm and Piper took care of her very well".

"She's such a mommy," I smiled, proud of my sister. And for a moment I thought that maybe she'd be the mother of my daughter because she was a thousand times better than me. I shook my head, I had to believe that I could do this because I wasn't alone, and even if I was, I knew I'd do anything for my little one, "let's go inside".

Cole got up and opened the door. I looked up and made a pot, stretching my arms to him as a little girl asking to be picked up. He shook his head laughing at me, and he bent down to help me.

"You're too sweet for your own good," he said.

I made a silly face and within three steps, we were inside the Manor. There was no one in the hall and that surprised me, because the stairs were clean too. I held hands with Cole as we walked in, because the voices came from the dinning room and they were loud, but as soon as I put a foot there, they got silent.

I felt everyone's gazes over me: eight pairs of eyes over my neck, and for a moment a felt a little weak, but Cole put his free hand over my shoulder and that made me feel confident again. I could do this: they were my family, they'd always be there for me no matter how stupid I was.

I breathed in.

Grams looked at me very serious at the beginning, but her expression changed and became warmer and sweeter as the seconds passed.

"I'm grounded, aren't I?," I asked her with a puppy face, to break the ice.

She smiled at me, shaking her had slowly and she stood up to hug me. Cole let me go, so I could meet with my grandmother and I let myself go too. Gram's hugs were one of the best hugs in the world, mostly when they told me they were proud of me and they forgave me. She caressed my back softly, as when I was little.

"My little Pheebs...," she muttered.

"Does that mean I'm not?," I asked her, trying to lift up the mood.

"Of course you're grounded," she replied to me, nicely.

I laughed at that with some tears in my eyes, and the rest of the group joined us. One by one gathered in a big embrace that even Cole made part of.

"I'm sorry for what I did, and I accept that as long as I live under your roof I will live by your rules," I said to Grams, "I'm sorry for all the damage I have done, to myself, and to each one of you," I told them, feeling Paige's lips on my cheek, "I owe respect to this house and to the people inside, and I promise that, from now on, I'll do my best to show how much I appreciate you. I hope you can forgive me".

Their voices started becoming one because everyone was talking at the same time. It wasn't so important to listen to all the words they were saying to understand them: this moment meant much more than any kind of speech.

"Guys, I know love is louder but I need to breath," said Ruby trying to escape from the middle of the hug.

"Thank God you mentioned that," I said, "Cause me and the baby need some space back, please," I said, as my family and friends started moving and going back to their chairs. But there was one little person who didn't take a seat, and just stood next to his father, like hiding from me.

And it broke my heart.

"Do you mind?," I asked Cole.

He shook his head and gave a step back, leaving Johanna alone in her place.

"Would you give me a chance?," I asked her, "I would bent down and beg you, but moving is a little hard right now," I added smiling friendly.

Johanna looked at his father, and he nodded, kissing her forehead. I offered her my hand. Everyone was looking at us now, as the group of psycho stalkers we all are. I was worried, because she was taking a little long. Maybe she hated me now and there was nothing I could do about that. Maybe she didn't hate me before, and now, after the roses I had destroyed in her face, she hated me. She was in her right if she did, but that didn't mean that it made me terribly sad.

When I was about to resign and go to my room, her little fingers touched my hand. I smiled big at that, as I tangled my fingers with hers to lead her upstairs.

"Help her," asked Cole, talking to his first born.

Johanna did as his father said and we sat over my bed once we reached the second floor and walked along the corridor. Now that I paid attention, my room didn't look messy, and that was a sign of my changes.

"This is the Teddy bear your dad bought your sister when I told him she was coming," I said, taking the bear that rested over the pillows.

"It's cute," she smiled, holding it, but she didn't say anything else.

This wasn't being really easy.

"We haven't bought a lot of things yet," I realized, "I think we should buy her a crib, don't you?"

Johanna nodded, but she was like lost in her own thoughts. Daughter of his father.

"Sweetie," I said, sighing, before taking her hands in mines, "I'm sorry for what you saw. I don't expect you to understand how scared I am..."

"You're scared?," she interrupted me.

I didn't expect that question, it was kind of an obvious question, but anyway.

"Yes," I told her, looking at our hands.

I saw her smiling, not only with her mouth, but also with her eyes. I didn't understand, and when she spoke, I got even more confused.

"I knew you were different," she said.

"What do you mean, sweetheart?"

"I am scared too," she said, shrugging, "but when kids say they're scared, adults use to tell us that everything is going to be alright expecting that we believe them...but we can see they're scared too in their eyes," she said, looking at me.

I was quite surprised at her maturity. She had always seemed so childish, actually she was only a child, but it was obvious that she had a lot of thoughts and feelings inside. Her life had been really hard and everything was so new and crazy for her too, and it was the first time I realized that even when her life was being led by adults and she didn't have to take any kind of decisions, she could feel the pressure of not knowing what was going to happen with me and her dad.

What a group of fools we had been.

"Dad is scared too," she added, "Grams is...but you're the only one who have told me you are".

"I didn't mean to disappoint you," I said.

"You aren't disappointing me," she interrupted again, "I like that you're honest with me".

And then, another unexpected thing happened: she got closer and she wrapped her arms around my belly as she rest her head over it. I didn't know how to react at first, we hadn't had a lot of contact and least without Cole. I think that this was our first heart-to-heart talk. I hugged her back, kissing her head, trying to be as motherly as possible. She was warm and soft, and smelled like strawberries. She was a little girl who needed love. She was a little me, a little Prue. She was a little Piper, Paige, a little Ruby, a little Gisselle, Helena. She was a little everyone and I felt the urgency of protecting her as I wanted and needed my family to protect me.

"I'm scared because I don't know if I will be a good mom," I told her, "I don't know if my love for your father is going to be enough to make a life together...and I'm scared that I won't be the motherly figure you need".

"I'm scared because I don't know if I'm the daughter my dad wants," she said, "I don't know if your love for my dad is going to be enough to reach to me...and I'm scared because I don't know if you feel scared because I got in the middle and both, dad and you, rather a life without me in it...because he has now a new baby he'll watch grow up and..."

Her voice started shaking as the little girl she was came back to surface. Johanna was crying. She was crying in my shoulder and I didn't know what to tell her. She felt exactly like me about Cole. She felt exactly like I felt about my parents.

"I know what you feel," I told her, joining her in her tears, "but, listen to me, please," I asked her, taking her face in my hands with all the love of the world, "You are the daughter your father loves, adores and couldn't live without. When I met him, he was all the time sad and his eyes showed all the pain he felt because you were missing," I explained to her, clearing her face from her wet bangs, "The man he is now, the happy person, the smiling and caring dad, appeared when he found you".

"Really?"

I nodded, as she cleaned my face from tears now.

"You're not in the middle of us. You're part of us...," I said, feeling so sure of what I was saying, or feeling to be accurate, "this new baby, your sister, she is going to need a lot of love, and we need you to be here with us to give her all the love you can because...see," I started again, because I didn't know to where I was going with the last sentences, "I am the little sister here. I have always looked up to Prue and Piper, they're my example of life. They're the people I want to become...don't tell them," I added, and she giggled, "That's what you are going to be to your baby sister, darling. She will need you to lead her, to tell her how to do new things. She'll always admire you, you'll be that someone who is going to be there no matter what, as she will be that someone for you too. Parents are hard to get along, trust me, I know that," I made a dying face, "but sisters...sweetie, sisters will never judge you and they will always be there, side by side, when you need them. Mines are going to be here for me," I smiled," for me and for this baby. For me and for your dad. For me and for you too...don't be afraid of me or your little sister. We love you, and we need you with us".

"If you promise you won't be afraid of me," she asked.

"I swear, I could never be afraid of someone as sweet and unique as you" I said, stretching my pinky to her.

She smiled as we made our vow, and then, she came back to me for another hug. This was all what we had been needing: communication. I was learning that everyone was afraid, hurting because of something, and that most of all those fears were basically illusions, mental projections not based in reality. I was scared of her hating me, when she was scared of me hating her, and at the end, nobody hated anyone. It was so easy to misunderstand others, to create scary scenarios in our heads, because going and facing our demons, talking to them even when our legs are shaking and we feel we are going to faint, was the hardest thing to do.

But it worth it.

Every fight we fight to become a better person, every time we face our fears and we look them in the eyes feeling as small as an ant in front of a giant monster, worth the try.

I worth it, my life is in my hands and I was taking control of it.

Finally.

"Phoebe...," she said, lowly, with her ear to my chest.

"Hum...?," I asked, feeling really relaxed and in complete peace.

"I'm not afraid anymore".

"Me neither," I smiled, kissing her forehead. That meant the world to me, and made me feel so much better about everything.

"Phoebe...?," she said again.

"Hum...?"

"You're a great mom".

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**The fic was supposed to have only four chapters left, counting this one, but I'm a lame person and I added an extra chapter lol (this chapter). I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!**

**_Review(__s__)__ response(s)_**:**  
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**Kt: **You have no idea how happy you've made me! I've been feeling really low and depressed lately, but this fic is kind of helping me go back to life. The first part of this fic "Sincerely, Freebie" was born when I was really, really depressed. That episode lasted only a week, it ended when I finished the fic (it took me two days writing the first part and the "Locked in darkness" imagine!) and now this one is helping me through this episode now, and I owe it to you. Thank you, really.


	32. Halliwell night

**Chapter thirty-three: Halliwell night.**

My heart was still melting when Johanna and I went back to the first floor holding hands, as we have met many years ago. Something had changed between us up there, and we both were happy about that. We knew that we still had a lot to walk together, but we had given the first and most important of all steps.

"Hey, am I the only one who's starving?," I asked, realizing that our family was having some coffee and talking about us, obviously, and all the food had disappeared from the table.

"Don't cry," said Paige rolling her eyes, "We have your plate, it's waiting for you".

"Good, cause one more second and I'm dead," I joked, and for the first time -it all seemed like today was the day of the first times- Johanna didn't run to Cole to seek some safety. She just a took a seat between Helena and Piper and stayed there.

I was proud of her.

Cole looked at me, surprised, asking me what had happened with his gaze.

"I'll tell you later," I told him moving my lips but not saying a word, I didn't want Johanna to felt observed.

The talk continued where they had left it when I interrupted, and now I was also trying to see what we were going to do with the rooms we had available to make things work out, because Johanna had accepted moving in here, and Grams had given us her blessing to do so.

"Now that you ate all what you needed," said Gisselle, playing I don't know what with Johanna, "We can tell you the breaking news".

"What?," I asked, more news? Hadn't been a hard day already?

"Pheebs, Prue wants to see you. She asked us to ask you to go to her room," said Piper.

I widened my eyes, and thought that had been very nice of them waiting until I had finished my meal, otherwise I'd be chocking right now.

"You kidding me," I said, looking at Grams.

"She wants peace," said Andy.

"You talked to her, didn't you?," I asked him.

"Yes, many times, but she finally listened to me today".

I rolled my eyes. I wanted the day to end and go to sleep spooning with Cole, because I was really tired, but that didn't seem possible. I wondered if Prue really was trying to make up with me or if she just wanted to tell me I had twenty four hours to leave the manor.

I had to take the dare.

"If I don't come back in fifteen minutes, you know the number: 911".

Some didn't find my joke funny, but Ruby and Helena helped me standing. I was getting tired of needing help to get up.

"Tell her I'll call her tomorrow," said Andy, taking the opportunity to said goodbye.

"Be good, kiddo," said Ruby after helping me going upstairs.

I swallowed. When Prue said peace, she could be talking about a lot of different meanings of peace. She had her rules and she was always right even when she wasn't.

"Mom, control your kid," I asked my mother talking to heaven before knocking the door. If I wasn't pregnant, I'd be bouncing on my heels, but I was rubbing my lower back with my fits instead, it ached.

"Come in," I heard Prue's voice.

I took a deep breath, then I took another, and only then I opened the door. I saw her sitting on her bed over some pillows, really peaceful and relaxed, with a box on the mattress.

"Andy said that he's gonna call you tomorrow," I told her, to break the ice.

"Take a seat," she asked me, patting the pillow next to her, not looking at me.

I raised an eyebrow, but just did what she said. When I paid attention to the box she took my hand in hers and looked at my face. I could see Prue was really tired. She had been working and studying really hard, she felt this family was her responsibility and she would do anything and everything to keep us safe. I just now understood all what she had done for us, and I felt really sorry for all the times I had told her she wasn't mom. Because she wasn't, but she had been there as one. I owed her so much.

"Phoebe, my little troublemaker...," she sighed, clearing my face from hair. I didn't reply to that, I didn't know what to say. I was now speechless, because I felt that there weren't words in the world to express her how much I loved her, and hated her at the same time. I knew she felt the same towards me, "You know that I'm here for you, right?..."

"Are you?," I asked her a little uncomfortable.

"Yes," she replied somewhat hurt after my question, "I am...," she pursed her lips, "I told you before, I know I'm hard but I love you. I only want the best for you but...you keep making everything harder and harder!," she said losing a bit of her peace of mind.

"I know," I recognized, and that calmed her down, in surprise, "I know I've been a pain in your ass since the day I was born...," I added a little sad.

"No, since you started your teens," she corrected me, smiling warmly, "I won't say I'm sorry because..."

"Because you've no idea how to," I smirked.

"No," she stopped me, "Because I'm mad. You made a mistake, you're making a mistake...but I'm your sister, and I know you since you were a baby bump giving mom troubles to sleep," she said nostalgic, "I know that when you want, you can and you do. You're a doer, and you're gonna go through this with my support if you let me. I don't want to lose you, and well, you've not killed anyone or robbed a bank...you're just...gonna have a baby...that's all," she said making a not very convinced grimace. She was anguished.

"You feel okay?," I asked her. I knew that those words weren't Prue's, were Andy's, but she was trying.

"When Andy said it sounded better," she said, twisting her mouth, "but that doesn't mean that his or my words aren't true, see," she asked me, pointing the box, "I collected this stuff for you".

I took the top of the box off and I found a lot of things that my sisters and I used to play with when we were little. She had handed me the "common toys" box. We had one with our belongings somewhere in the attic, but this one had the things that had no owner. I took a beautiful Teddy bear, as beautiful as the one that Cole had given to our daughter. I found some things with mom's handwriting. There were pictures of all of us, pictures of me when my mom was carrying me and when I was a newborn.

"This one is my favorite," said Prue with tears in her eyes, taking photo frame from the box, "As you know, you were born here, in the Manor. Mom wanted to wait for dad before heading to the hospital...he almost didn't make it. I remember that I opened the door when I heard Victor's car, mom was screaming and Piper and I were in the room we shared, worried".

"How can you remember that? You were so young...," I asked.

Prue hugged me with one arm and rest my head on her chest, very protective of me, as when we were little. I missed that so much, she had no idea how much I had been needing this from her. I took advantage and hugged her back, with both of my arms.

"Because it's an important memory," she smiled, "When dad and I reached mom's room, Piper was there already. Victor took mom's hand and within a second we heard a baby's cry..."

Prue sobbed for a few minutes and I cleaned her tears with my thumb. She was in the memory. I could feel the pain and love she was feeling and I wished that I could have a memory like that, or any kind of memory...but I had none. I couldn't remember my mother's voice or the sound of my father's car. I had never seen dad, or well I had, but I couldn't remember. I had some memories of my childhood with my mother, but in them I had no images of her face or the smell of her perfume. I wish I had them.

I hugged Prue tighter, that was the only thing I could do for her. Life hadn't been nice to my sister, not a bit fair, and I wish I could do something to change that. To give her happiness, to heal her wounds.

But I couldn't.

"Then, Grams had to take Piper to her room because she had fainted," she giggled, trying to cheer herself up.

"Blood?," I asked, shivering a bit, thinking about the delivery and my hips.

"Yes. Dad sat me next to mom, that is her hand," she pointed in the picture, "And he let me held you for a few seconds...you've no idea how important I felt then. I felt like I had to protect you no matter what, that...that I'd give everything and anything, my own life for you and Piper. You took my finger...you stopped crying when I hugged you. You fell asleep in my arms, because when our parents tried to make us apart, you didn't let them".

"I love you," I managed to say crying with her now, "I'm sorry for...for all what I' have done".

"I love you too, and I'm sorry for all the times I wasn't there for you," she repeated rocking me back and forth, as if we were back in the times when Piper, Paige and I hid in Prue's room because we were afraid of dark. Prue used to comfort us until we fallen asleep in her bedroom with her watching our sleep.

She wasn't afraid of the dark.

She was completely fearless, I admired that.

We heard a "crack" from the door, and we saw Piper trying to convince Paige that listening behind the door wasn't right, what was a cheap excuse from Piper because she also wanted to listen.

Gossipers.

"Don't leave us out," complained Paige when she found herself discovered.

Prue and I smiled to them. My big sister shook her head, and made a gesture with her hands, inviting them to come in.

"Put the box down," asked Prue to Paige, as she did it, making some room for them.

"I'm so glad you're talking again," said Piper, Piper, closing the door and finding her place with us in the bed.

"Halliwell night, kids!," smiled Paige, jumping on the bed and making us shake.

"Halliwell night," repeated Prue, still with tears in her eyes, trying to wrap us with her arms, "I'm sorry, I'm your big sister and I should have tried to keep us together, instead of stop talking to Phoebe. You, the three of you, four now," she added, giggling a bit, "are the most important thing in the world for me. I'm sorry I'm bossy, but..."

"Don't do this, please," asked Piper, "We know it hasn't been easy for you".

"And that Phoebe has screwed up many times," added Paige.

"Paige," complained Piper.

"No, no, she's right," I laughed, "I have, I'm not offended".

"Whatever, that's past," said Prue, patting Paige playfully.

"It's too early to go to bed...," said Piper, "Movie?"

"Why not?," asked Prue, kissing her cheek, "Rock, paper, scissors and the winner chooses," she told us, "Play fair".

"I pass, you decide," I said, laying down on the middle of the bed.

While Piper and Paige played, got things set and turned off the lights before joining us on bed, Prue went down stairs to inform we were going to sleep in her room and to ask Grams and the others not to worry. I put a pillow below my lower back, I was really tired. I would fall asleep at any moment, but I wanted to stay awake so bad for this _Halliwell Night._

As soon as we were together over the bed, hugging each other in silence, we traveled back in time. We were little girls again. We had no worries. We loved each other more than anything in the world. There were not boyfriends, or fights. We were kids. We were each other's world and there was nothing else. Not even friends. Not even daughters or stepdaughters.

And that's how we fell asleep, together. Soon, a storm began and power went off outside, so the room was completely dark, but Prue never let go of our hands, even after falling asleep.

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**Kt:** New chapter! I think, if things go as planned, that we have only three chapters left! Awww I'm going to print that review and hang it on my wall! I hope you liked this chapter that wasn't really "Cole-ish" but I think, necessary. I promise next three chapters are going to have a lot of Cole.

**Satan's Adorable Spawn : **Hey there! your nickname is lovely lol, welcome here! thank you so much for reviewing!


	33. A little Patience

**Ok, ok, I know I deserve to be burn in a stick at the nearest square in town but well, my mental health hasn't been really good lately and depression and stuff have kept me out of my laptop and bla bla bla, but hey I'm back! I hope for good and long :) Loving y'all! Enjoy this chapter.**

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**Chapter thirty-four: A little Patience.**

"One more time, honey, you can do it, I'm here," said Cole kissing my forehead as I took a deep breath.

"Next baby is going to be YOUR problem," I complained, breathing out as pushed for the last time, as he had promised me.

A scream crossed the room, becoming a hard cry coming from little yet strong lungs.

"She's here!," celebrated the doctor, as I smiled excited to the idea. I leaned my head over Cole's chest, really tired, "She's here," she repeated, lifting her up so I could see her.

And my heart stopped beating as soon as I sought her little body.

"My oh...," I babbled, as someone placed my baby girl over my chest.

"Here you are, mommy," said the person, allowing me holding my child.

Tears began flooding instantly as my hands shook; I couldn't help it, I was in shock. I was staring at my little miracle almost frozen. Her tiny arms were moving and she was kicking energetically. She was like a little and warm doll with white skin and brown hair crying her lungs out.

I felt Cole's arms wrapping me and her. He kissed my cheek. Cole had been a gentleman and he had made sure that the delivery was as comfortable as possible; what he didn't know is that by only having him here, I felt safe.

Loved and safe.

"Thank you," he said, as I felt his tears falling over my skin.

I looked at him, pursing my lips. I nodded as I giggled.

"I have a daughter," I swallowed, finally reacting, kissing her forehead for the first time.

I forgot about all the labor pain I had went through the past hours as my lips didn't want to separate from her. I was in love. I was totally in love. I had fallen in a way I had never before and I knew it was real, the most realistic thing I had ever felt in my life. There was nothing else beside the three of us. I couldn't think about anything, the only thing I could do was feeling. Live the moment. I had my baby girl in my arms, and her father was there with us. The world had stopped spinning, and not even her yelling could take my peace away.

"Do you have a name for her?," asked the nurse, as I separated from my baby just to look at her swollen face which I touched carefully with my index. Her cheeks were soft and wet, her eyes still closed.

I didn't reply, I was too busy counting my girl's fingers. Ten fingers. And ten toes.

"Not yet," said Cole's voice.

"We need to run some tests," said the doctor.

"Cole hasn't held her," I said, really relaxed. Really tired, but happy.

Happier than never before.

"I'll be quick," said the nurse.

Cole took our baby from my arms, so gently that I cried. He kissed her forehead the same way he kissed Joanna's, and I knew things would be alright.

He didn't say anything to her. He just looked in her eyes that she had just opened, for the first time, and then, held her to the nurse.

"Stay with her, I'm fine," I asked Cole.

I followed them with my sight, thinking as Cole followed my daughter everywhere until all her tests were ran and done.

Things had happened really, really fast. A few hours ago, I felt like I needed to pee, so I asked Piper, who was on the edge next to me, if she could move, but as soon as I spoke, my water broke. Prue woke up as soon as Piper squealed, and that made Paige jump from the bed. I started hyperventilating, scared of what would happen next and while Piper tried to keep me calm, by staying herself not-calmed, Paige went for Grams and Prue to get me some clean clothes to wear.  
Within a few minutes things calmed down at home, and I took a quick shower before heading to the hospital. And was in our way to it, when I remembered I needed Cole in a moment like this. I was scared, terrified! and I knew he would rather die slowly and painfully than missing the birth of his baby.

I was really worried because she wasn't supposed to be here until a few more weeks, but Grams had calmed me down.

_"She had a child herself and then she was there when the four of us were born, trust her," Piper had said._

And she was right, Grams knew best.

We waited only three hours before she was ready to come out, so at 6:17 am, I had her in my arms. Not after spending the previous three hours listening to other moms-to-be of the floor screaming and yelling. That had me nervous. So nervous. Terribly nervous.

_"Is normal to be scared," Cole told me, kissing my lips._

_It made smile knowing he knew I was awake, even when all lights were off._

_"I'm not scared...I'm terrified," I had admitted, sighing._

_Cole kissed my hand and started telling me the short story of Johanna's birth. I just listened, trying to distract. I didn't really want to listen to the story of the woman who had destroyed Cole's and the girl's lives. Not at all. But I was glad that he trusted me enough to talk about his past; he didn't do that._

And when the doctor came to tell me I had to start pushing, I felt that a fall of cold water had fell over my head.

_I had thought: "She got to be kidding. She's kidding! Isn't she?"_

Because things were happening so damn fast, I meant, she was coming before what was planned and in only three hours after my water broke she pretended to get out: and I wasn't ready to face this yet. I wasn't, not an inch. I promised to God and all the saints I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wasn't ready to be Phoebe, how was I going to be ready to be "Mom Phoebe?"

Madness.

It was pure madness.

_"Why didn't I close my stupid legs? It wasn't that hard. It wasn't!"_

I left my memories and came back to present when I saw Cole, our baby and the nurse leaving the room, what caused Paige's yelling from the outside, now that she had seen her first niece for the first time. I closed my eyes, I had nothing interesting to look at right now and they were burning already. I was tired and sleepy. and that was the last thing I thought, because I fell asleep as answer of the epidural and the tiredness.

I woke up at the recovery room. I opened my eyes slowly. The light was too strong, and I was a little very much tired. But it didn't matter, because the first thing I saw when my eyes opened, was Cole sitting next to me with our daughter sleeping to his chest.

I didn't want him to notice. I was spying him.

He had her held tight, and she was curled in his arms. She was so small! She fit in one of his hands and quarter of his forearm. He looked excited, he was completely charmed by our little girl. He was smiling, and every once in a while would sigh, touch her hand or nose, kiss her and then go back to his catharsis.

I couldn't stop thinking about all what was going to happen from now on. Maybe the pregnancy had finished, but the real deal had started now. What if my baby didn't like me? What if we didn't get along? What if she hated me and liked Cole more? or wished one of my sisters were her mother instead? What if I couldn't protect her and lead her in life?

I had so many questions in my head. I couldn't stop thinking and over thinking.

"You want to hold her?," he asked me, when I opened my eyes as he was looking at me with a tender smile.

I smiled back as I got her extremely carefully, scared of breaking her. I had the most fragile being on Earth in my arms, no, correction: I had my heart in my hands. He sat next to me, hugging me softly.

"I'm ready," I told him, watching my baby's sleep.

"You have always been," he whispered back.

It would have been the beginning of a nice heart-to-heart talk, but as in every important moment of a Halliwell's life, another Halliwell had to come and interrupt. We are amusing.

"Halliwell night, Halliwell night, what Halliwell night?," complained Paige as she sat next to my bed, "I told you she was screwing things up all the time," she added, addressing to Prue.

"I'm sorry! It's not like I could control this!," I replied giving her a look.

"Would you PLEASE stop?," said Piper rubbing her eyes.

"It was three in the morning, Piper, THREE," kept saying Paige, just to bother a bit, she wasn't serious.

"Can't you even stop arguing in a moment like this?," sighed Piper.

"Do you think this is a sign that the little Phoebe is going to be like this thing?," asked Prue to Grams, pointing me as I was _that thing,_ with a concerned face.

They laughed at that. I ignored her.

"Can I...?", Piper asked.

I smiled at her, happy to know that there was a lot of love awaiting for my daughter as I held her to my big sister's arms.

"Hi baby girl, it's me...your auntie...Piper".

My sister's eyes watered immediately, as she rocked her with all the love only Piper could give to someone. We stared at them, smiling too. I didn't know how to put the mood the room was in, because I didn't think that words could describe all the positive vibe and unconditional filial love we felt for each other It was wonderful. I hadn't felt like that in ages: I finally, felt I had a family I belonged to.

"How are you feeling, darling?," Grams asked, caressing my forehead lovingly.

"As minutes passes I feel more of my legs," I commented, talking about the anesthesia's effects, "I'm just sleepy".

"Don't be selfish, it's my turn to hold the baby," demanded Paige, frowning.

"Paige she's not a toy," replied Piper, not wanting to let go of her niece.

I giggled as Grams sighed resigned.

"You should sleep, sweetheart, you did a great effort and you have us to take care of my Great grandchild," she said, proud of her new title as Great grandmother. It was awesome how so many women escaped from being called _grandmother_, but she was proud as hell of her _great grandmother_ name.

Grams was an extraordinary woman. Definitely.

"Please, careful with her head," asked Cole, apprehensive as Piper held her to Paige, "newborns' necks aren't strong enough to held their heads by their own and..."

"Easy, daddy, breath," said Paige, laughing at him as she hugged our baby tight, "See? I got her, she's safe. Hello darling, I'm auntie Paige and no matter what your dad thinks I won't drop you".

"You're too cute," I told him, holding his hand proud of him, he was tense, "and you stop playing with my kid, you haven't got Grams the chance to carry her".

"Oh, you think I'd let them carry her first than doing it myself?," she wrinkled her nose, playfully, "Cole left her with me as he made sure you were fine after the delivery," she said, proud of him.

I looked up to meet his eyes; I had thought he had been with her all that time. It was always good to know how much he loved me, and to feel how impossible was for me loving him any more of what I already did. I was his. Completely. I kissed his chin as a _thank you_.

"Talking about dads, where is Johanna?," asked Prue, as kind as she could. She wasn't really happy with Cole's presence, but she was trying.

"She is with the girls," he replied, appreciating her attempts.

"Good," she said, nodding.

"Grams, I think you need some rest as well. Piper, Paige and you can go home. Cole, your daughter is waiting for you. I will stay, and call you if anything happens" said Prue, getting close to Paige to take my child from her arms.

I rolled my eyes, she would never stop being so bossy. Paige frowned but let the baby go, and Grams smiled at Prue, proud of her eldest granddaughter.

"Do you want me to stay?," asked me Grams.

"It's not necessary, I will be okay," I said trying to stay as strong and confident as I could. I didn't want her to leave me, but I knew she was tired and that I needed to start standing by my own feet.

"I will be back in a few hours," said Grams, kissing my forehead, "Blessed be, my darlings".

"Love ya Pheebs," said Paige, hugging me before yawning, and making us yawn after her.

"I don't think I will get a lot of sleep," said Piper, "I will surf some cribs online and get one, hopefully they will deliver it by tomorrow".

Piper hugged me, and after saying goodbye to Cole, Prue and the baby, they had disappeared of the map. Prudence was staring at him, like waiting for him to leave soon.

"See Prue, I know you don't want me here but I won't go," he told her, I closed my eyes, starting to stress, "Johanna is going to be here soon, and meanwhile the girls are going to take good care of her".

"Fine," said my sister, a little upset, walking around with the baby in her arms.

"Good," he replied, standing from my bed to give me space to lay down.

"Whatever you do, stay quiet," I asked them, pointing them with a defying expression, "I don't want any fights or ironies now. Or tomorrow. Or in my or my daughter's presence".

Prue turned her back to us, looking through the window as Cole crossed his arms and addressed his gaze to the door. I sighed and fixed my pillow to close my eyes for a few minutes.

An excited _"Where's she?", _followed by a _shhhh_ awakened me. I opened my eyes trying to come back to life, and I had to blink a couple of times to change my blurry vision to my standard and I could see Johanna leaving her backpack on the floor, too busy running to my bed.

"Where's she?," whispered this time, looking at Cole who was asking her with his hand to calm down because I was sleeping.

"It's ok don't be bitter," I managed to say, half asleep. I noticed Prue wasn't in the room anymore and that he had our baby.

"Oh my god, she's so tiny!," she said approaching to her father and sister, with her eyes wide open.

I'd have loved to know what she was thinking. Her face was priceless, she was so cute!

"Take a picture," whispered Helena to Gisselle, who had her cellphone in her hands.

The girls got closer to meet the baby, as I watched them.

"Can I?," asked me Johanna.

I felt so important in that moment. She hadn't asked Cole, she had asked me.

"Sit here," I asked her, sitting on the bed and making room for her, so we could sit together.

Cole said_ thank you_ to me with a huge smile, and with my help, Johanna had her baby sister in her arms. I wrapped my maybe-someday-to-be step-daughter lovingly.

"Honey, this is your big sister...," said Cole to the baby, who yawned when he spoke.

Johanna giggled at that and kissed her cheek, making her open her sleepy eyes.

"They're blue!," she said, pointing her own, "As mine an dad's!," she celebrated.

"You're right," I said biting my lip, happy at that. I had secretly wanted her to have his eyes, and she had them, "Guess when we go out together they'll think I'm the adopted mom here," I joked.

"So what's her name?," asked Ruby.

"I was thinking about Alison?," said Cole.

"Eh, no, next," I said, "Patty?"

"Don't steal my name's idea," asked Prue, joining us with a cup of coffee in one of her hands and Andy's hand in the other.

"Nicole?," suggested Cole.

"Penelope?," said Prue.

"Why with P?," asked Cole. And we gave him _the look._

"What about Patience?," asked Johanna, raising an eyebrow.

"Patience Halliwell?", said Helena aloud.

"I like it," Johanna shrugged.

"I guess that if she has the blue eyes from my side, I can go with a P," accepted Cole.

"As long as that's not a prediction that we're gonna need patience with her...," Prue joked.

"Don't worry, we will no matter what's her name. She's Phoebe's daughter," said Andy. I gave him the look.

"Then?," asked Gisselle.

"Welcome to the family, Patience Halliwell," I said, and everybody smiled when she fell back asleep.

I didn't know how things would turn out from now on, but I did know we would try our best to build the family we wanted and deserved so bad.

* * *

**_Review(__s__)__ response(s)_**:

**Kt: **Awww thank you! I hope you had enjoyed your holidays! We have two chapters left if I don't get creative and make this longer lol hope you're doing incredible!


	34. In the eyes of Cole

**Epilogue, part I: In the eyes of Cole.**

I was standing in the door,watching Phoebe rocking our new born. She had her hair in a ponytail and was wearing her old light pink pajamas as she walked around the room singing a sweet lullaby. Her bunny sleepers didn't allow her steps make any noise. In a lap, our eyes met.

"What?" she asked, with a nice smile.

"About…?" I asked back, smiling to her too.

"What are you staring at?" she said, approaching to the door, kissing my lips in a tender kiss that made me love her even more, if that was even possible.

"You are beautiful, that's all," I replied, putting a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Sure," she rolled her eyes, "Look at me, I look like a scarecrow".

"You don't look like…," I tried to tell her, but she interrupted me.

"What are you doing home so early? I thought you had a meeting".

"I did," I said, still smiling.

"What?, What time is it?"

"Six O'clock".

"Oh my God, Cole! I'm sorry I didn't realize that…"

"Hey, it's ok," I smiled, pulling her close.

"I'm sorry honey, is just that one of my patients had a breakdown and Johanna and I spent a lot of time shopping for her new outfit and then Patience wanted to stop at the library and Ben hasn't been really easy to…"

"Easy. I said it was ok…," I said again, kissing her forehead, "Don't push yourself so hard, and you….Benjamin Halliwell," I said, taking him from her arms too look at his wide open eyes, "Why are't you sleeping? How many times do I need to tell you to be gentleman with mommy?"

Phoebe sat on the bed, tired. I could see she had had a hard time this day, but still, she managed to make me smile.

"Are we still on time?"

"Don't worry, the actual reservations are at seven. I just knew this would happen".

Phoebe narrowed her eyes and gave me _the look._

"You're mean".

"You meant wise," I joked, "I know things have been pretty busy around since I got promoted and Ben was born, but I promise it won't last".

Phoebe was about to say something until some steps irrupted into our room.

"I don't want to be selfish but I'm supposed to meet Ryan within thirty minutes and...," Johanna stopped talking, staring at me, "Wait. You're not ready yet?" asked Johanna, crossing the door, trying to put her earrings on as she spoke.

"Who's Ryan?" I asked immediately.

"Oh, so you chose the skirt," said Phoebe, apparently happy. "That's a wise choice," she added.

"My two years crush and things are gonna end up crushing if I don't make it to the movies on time," she said, crossing her arms.

"Why is that skirt so short?" I asked I didn't care about her date more than her skirt's length right now, and, talking about that, "Who allowed you to date?"

Phoebe laughed at that and got up from the bed, placing her hand over my shoulder.

"Because she's young and she's gorgeous," she said, talking about the skirt, "And I did. Now stop being a jealous daddy and go change so we can leave".

"I don't what to do with my hair, it looks gross," said Johanna, looking in the mirror of the closet, completely ignoring me.

"Honey, take my make up case and run as far as you can to your room before your dad loses it. Heat the straightener, I'll be there as soon as I take a quick shower and put anything on, ok?"

My daughter nodded and did as Phoebe said, leaving me speechless; not because of her obeying because she always did, but because they were ignoring me and my concerns.

"Don't even start," she warned me, pointing me with her index, "Now try to make that baby meet Morpheus, go check on Patience and don't ignore she's lost her first tooth and for God's sake leave Johanna alone. I'll be right back," she finished, taking a towel and closing the door of the bathroom.

I stood there, blinking, thinking about all the instructions while trying to process them, and with a lot to say as soon as she came back. For now, I just leaned Ben over my chest to address Patience's room.

"Daddy!," she celebrated, running to give me a hug.

"Hey ladybug, how are you?," Finally someone who didn't ignore me in this house.

"Amazing," she smiled with a toothy smile, making me notice she had lost one of her teeth.

"Hey! What happened there?," I said, making her feeling proud of her space next to her right front tooth.

As she spoke, I couldn't stop thinking about Johanna's skirt. I hadn't realized how fast time had passed, and I couldn't believe she was already seventeen years old and going on her first serious date. Where had my baby girl gone? She wasn't a child anymore. She was all a lady. She looked a lot like her mother, which was a little sad for me, but was good for her, because Beatriz was a really beautiful woman, but that was her external appearance: what was really valuable of her, was her inside. She had learned a lot from Phoebe and her family, from our friends and myself. She had nothing to do with Beatriz. She wasn't ambitious, she wasn't trying to get something from people. She was nice, sweet, she had a pure heart: she had learned from the best mother I could ever have given her.

"Mom told me to put it under my pillow so the Tooth Fairy could come and get it, she said she'd leave a treat for me!"

My little Patience's excitement brought me back down to Earth. I could still remember when Johanna waited excited for the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, etc to make their appearances even though she knew they were fictional characters after the stupid of her mom's boyfriend sister had told her the truth about everything at a very young age not to give her any kind of treats. And now she was going to go out on a date with a boy, alone.

"Really? Well, then you should keep your little hands away from that pillow and leave that tooth alone. I have heard the Tooth Fairy doesn't appear unless you're fast asleep," I told her, giving her a warm hug.

"Oh, mom forgot that part. I promise I won't touch it again until tomorrow!"

"That's my girl," I said, proud of her, "Now, let's be a little less loud so your brother sleeps, he's been a little stubborn about that".

Patience put her hands over her mouth and nodded. My little girl had grown really fast, too. She had turned eight already, she knew how to read and write. She could do some math, she would hang out with some classmates and she had had her first pajama party last week. I could still remember the day I almost walked away from her, and it broke my heart to imagine a live without my sweet miracle around.

"I love you," I told her, pulling her close, "You know that, right?"

"Of course I do," she smiled. I could see Phoebe's smile in her face. She was a copy of her mother, a happy copy of her. But she had my eyes, blue eyes, as her sister and brother. "I love you too, daddy".

"Hey, do you know who that Ryan guy is?," I asked her.

"I won't tell you anything because I always tell you everything and then you get all hysterical and jealous," she said.

Yes, perfect copy of Phoebe. The Halliwell temper was something to be afraid of, and good or bad, even Johanna had acquired it.

"You're definitely your mother's daughter," I told her.

She shrugged and then, looked at me again.

"Love you sweetie," I told her, "Anything you need, I'll be trying to make this gentleman sleep".

I left her room, but I stood a few more minutes spying her from the door. I loved her with all my heart, and I just liked watching her playing so happily. Things had turned out right, it had been hard, but we had made it really, really far. I was proud of our family. Extremely proud.

"Now you, eyes closed," I told Ben as we walked in the master bedroom to find my wife with her hair still wet on her underwear.

"Did you see her happy smile?," she asked me, talking about Patience, "She's growing up so fast".

"Tell me about it," I said, sighing, "I wouldn't be surprised if Ben leaves for college tomorrow".

Phoebe giggled at that and took my face in her hands. She looked in my eyes. With her, time didn't pass. When I was with her, it was like the first time I had looked in her eyes.

"Don't be dramatic," she told me, "he's only two weeks old, there's plenty of time to enjoy him before he's eighteen".

I nodded, still a little nostalgic. All the Ryan's thing had gotten me nervous.

"What's bothering you?," she asked, she had never failed to read me since we left the center, nine years ago.

"I don't know if I like the idea of Johanna going out with that guy tonight".

"Cole…"

"What? She's too young".

"Young, yes, but not _too young_. You're never too young for love, and well, she's a teenager, is normal that she wants to meet people and that she has feelings for a boy. You did too, well, for girls. I hope," she corrected, making a weird face.

"That's the point, Phoebe. I did and I had her when I was nineteen, with a woman that left me and her behind for a adventure with some random dude".

"But she's not you. And she's a girl, girls know better," she insisted, really sure of her speech.

"Oh, like you?," I asked her, mad at how she was taking this so relaxed while it was driving me crazy.

Phoebe turned on her heels, taking a black dress from her closet, ignoring me. I had hurt her, I could tell. I didn't mean it.

"You know what I mean Phoebe, don't take it personal".

She kept ignoring me. I had screwed our seventh wedding's anniversary night in just two seconds.

"Phoebe you were her age when our story happened, you got pregnant too!"

"Well I was younger when I was Todd's whore and I know three girls who were too when they started doing drugs," she pointed, really mad at me.

I sighed.

"Listen...," she said, sighing too, trying to calm down, "I know you're scared of her becoming an adult, of Patience's imminent adolescence and Benjamin's college. I am too, believe me," she told me, trying to play funny with the last part, "But we can't cut her wings because we made mistakes. We need to trust in what we have done with her, the way we have rose her, to show her we respect her and that we are here if she needs us".

"I just don't want her to get hurt".

"She will, Cole. No matter what we do she will. As Patience and Ben too. There's nothing we can do about that, but being supportive and letting them know we trust them and we are here for them, no matter what happens," I looked away, not convinced, "Honey...," she said, trying to be comprehensive "She's smarter than us and she has seen what can happen if you're not careful, responsible with what you do. She won't let us down, and mainly, she won't let herself down".

"I do trust her, is them I don't".

Phoebe smiled.

"Prue didn't trust you and see where we are now".

"I would have liked that she had told me about all this," I said, changing the topic, but not a lot.

"If you weren't so overprotective…"

"Ok, I deserve it. Question: if she is going to be out ,who is going to watch the kids?," I asked this time, now with the intention of changing the topic.

"Solved," she said, clasping her palms, "Prue is coming with Patty".

I nodded.

"Now go open the door because she sent me a text a few minutes ago and I don't want Ben to get even more awake than he is now, if that's even possible," she said, biting her lip, "I'm going to help Johanna with the last details, dry my hair and we're ready".

I just sighed, resigned. I had gotten used of her being the boss, not that I would recognize it in public, but that was something Andy, Leo and Paige's boyfriends knew and had assumed too. Never mess with a Halliwell.

"Hi uncle Cole!," said Patty, Prue's four years old child.

"Hi sweetie, how are you?," I said, bending down so she could see her baby cousin.

"Hi Cole," said Prue, kissing my cheek,"What's this baby doing awake at this time?," she asked Ben with her baby voice, taking him from my arms.

"I wonder the same," I replied.

A few minutes later, Phoebe and Johanna were ready. My first born looked like a star, and not because of ten pounds of make up on her face, no, she was more sophisticated than that, but because of her natural beauty. She was gorgeous with her brown -straight for the occasion- hair and blue eyes. I was so proud of her. I could understand guys going crazy about her, but that made me even more insecure about their intentions. I didn't want anybody to play with her heart, or to ignore the person she was, too busy paying attention to the girl she looked like.

"We are ready, time to say goodbye and go," said Phoebe, trying to speed up our departure to avoid any kind of arguments between me and my oldest daughter.

"You look stunning!," Prue told her, "Ryan is going to think he's dreaming".

"Wait, you knew about this Ryan guy too?," I asked, not even pissed this time.

"Everybody," said Patty with her hands on her hips, showing a lot of confidence.

Phoebe and Prue laughed at that, but I didn't find it funny.

"Anything you need, call," said my wife to her sister.

When we had said goodbye to everyone in the house, and the sisters stopped laughing, we made our way to the movies in silence. I was tense, Phoebe on alert, Johanna I guess nervous.

"Things are gonna turn out right," said Phoebe as soon as we parked, "You just follow what your heart dictates and be careful, ok? Nothing can go wrong if you're true to yourself", Phoebe adviced her.

"Thank you, mom," she smiled, hugging her from the back seat.

I had to admit they had a strong bonding, and that apparently, Phoebe had taught her well.

"There aren't kisses for me?," I asked, "Good luck, honey. You look like a princess".

Johanna smiled, she hugged me too and left the car.

"A call and I'm kicking his ass!," I said through the window, just in case.

Johanna looked at me, a little embarrassed.

"Almost perfectly done, if wasn't for that last creepy statement," Phoebe congratulated me, "Now leave the place before you regret this".

She kissed me, laughing at my concern. Once we arrived to the restaurant, I opened the car's door so she could get out. It was only then when I realized how beautiful she looked. She had had our third child just two weeks ago, and still looked ten times better than all and any other women around. She was wearing a simple black dress, and her hair was tied in half a ponytail with some random curls. What she didn't know, is that to me, she was always the most beautiful woman on Earth, even with that old pink pajama and purple bags under her eyes because of Ben keeping us awake. I didn't care about what she was wearing, or if she had gained or lost weight, if her skin was perfect or with her cute freckles. She was always perfect to me, because I loved her. I had seen her in her lows and highs, and I loved her.

I loved her, and was that, the love I felt for her and the love she felt for me, what has saved us from death. What has brought us to this happy family life today. It wasn't perfect, we had arguments sometimes, like any other family, but that was perfect to us.

"Ladies first," I smiled, offering her my arm to lead her to the restaurant's door.

She smiled to me, with that smile that made me forget about everything and anything, except that I was alive because of her. Except that she was the proof that Angels did exist. Except that she was perfect to my eyes, just the way she was.

* * *

**Ok guys, next chapter is the last chapter. I was going to make only one epilogue, but since I'm a little OCD and the other alternate ending had two epilogues (one split in two) this is happening here too, that's also why they're Cole's Points of view, to keep some balance. Hope you've liked this sneak peak to the future :)**


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